I have a big scary meeting at work tomorrow. I think I'm in trouble. I'm dreading it. Kind of nauseated over it. blehhhhh.

So I went [somewhere] to try to study. Didn't get much done. But I saw (e:mike) , and spent a lot of time staring at the super mchottie there. Didn't get anywhere with that, surprise surprise, but ah well.

but i had lunch with (e:paul) and (e:enknot) , which was a good time. Nice break from work. :) Anytime, boys.

And check this out:
Nike is making some shoes that you put a little transmitter in... that sends signals to a little receiver you plug into your ipod nano, and it tracks your workout, plays custom workout music, etc. That's the kind of geek-tech I love... Almost enough to make me want to run. Almost. ;)

Ok, I have to go to bed so I can just be asleep and stop worrying about tomorrow. wish me luck!

g'night
-J

Nothing really worthy of a whole post in itself, so here are some random bits...

First: Where are my manners!! I met Lee and Uncut like 2 weeks ago and forgot to mention it. It was a pleasure, kids. :)

Next: Work still sucks. Booooooo. I'm scared.

Work boy is now being weird. I told him he's not allowed to flirt with me and say he's "serious about dating", and then if I actually start to entertain the notion- totally blow me off. To which he responded with 'what did I do? You have nice mams. Wanna make out?' weirdness.

I got an email today from MINI about "The 2006 MINI TransAmerican Motortastic Road Trip to End All Road Trips Rally". I must say those guys have a good PR company. If nothing else, they planned out a good route for a cross country drive- there's info about hotels, restaurants, sites to see, etc, from coast to coast. I think I'll save it as a "things to do before I die" type of thing. Check it out. (you need to have any popup blocker stuff off for it to work.)

Looks like Barbaro survived surgery, but is not out of the woods. Who would have thought a broken ankle could be life threatening.

My frog is still very cute.

I'm sick of the cold.

I was amused to come home and find my landlord had the sprinkler on watering the garden. Hasn't it been raining for like 2 weeks?

I was about to say "yay! estrip doesn't crash safari any more!" but then it did. But, thanks to Paul's nifterooni auto-save, I didn't lose my post. :) (lucky for you! Wouldn't want to miss this awesome post!)

New user song- Black Cab by Jens Lekman

And speaking of music...
As I think I've said, my sister and her husband are much more hip than I am, and turn me on to new music months before I'd learn about it on my own (if ever). And when a self-proclaimed "music elitist" friend checked out my mp3 collection, everything he liked was stuff they sent me. Kate says "I'm not sure what he does at work. I'm pretty sure he's not paid to look up music online all day, but that's what he does." But i'm not complaining, since I benefit. And he just sent me a bunch of new stuff- I haven't even listened to it all yet. But some stuff to check out (and (e:Joshua) I may be wrong, but I think some of this stuff is right up your alley.)-
The Hold Steady- Separation Sunday (I like)
Jens Lekman (I like. hence new user sound)
The National- Alligator (very good!!)
Jose Gonzalez (an argentinian guy raised in sweden or something like that- haven't listened yet, but comes highly recommended)
Gnarls Barkley (haven't listened to that yet, but he (they?) are all over myspace lately. Chase says "some holes, but overall fun").
The Acid House Kings (who Chase calls "a more melodic belle and sebastian- admittedly not the most manly stuff, but good")

third post in one day. oops.

but so I just watched the preakness. I really don't care about horse racing, but whatever. I totally forgot there was a hockey game, so I turned it on in time for like the last 30seconds, and then it went into the preakness. which was surprisingly exciting. Barbaro, the huge favorite, false started. Then broke his ankle and was out of the race. Kind of stole the thunder of the winner, b/c they kept breaking away from the celebration to check on him. It was sad. My mom said "oh my god I hope they don't shoot him right on the scene! or send him to the glue factory!" They even had an equine ambulance. I guess a broken ankle is at least career-ending, possibly life-threatening, for a horse. Poor guy... he's only 3.

But it made me think- what a weird sport. First of all, I don't understand odds AT ALL, apparently. I mean I understand 10-1 odds means if you bet a dollar and your horse wins, you win 10 dollars. But Barbaro was 3-5. What the fuck does that mean? you LOSE money? Can't be. At the end (right before the start) he was "even", whatever that means.

I also wonder who takes credit for winning. I mean the horse, but what does a horse do with a million dollars. The owner? Why does he deserve it? he's just some rich guy who put up some money. (the winning horse is owned by the sheikh (sp?) of dubai. wtf?) The jockey? The trainer? I guess the owner gets the money and splits it with the trainer and the jockey. They also said the trophy is the most valuable trophy in all of sports. It's huge and fancy.

I also wonder how the horses are chosen. They make it sound like the owners just decide to put them in, but I would imagine they have to win prelims and stuff.

But anyway, the funniest thing was... There's a horse named Brother Derek. (I have a friend here named Derek). They showed footage of him, with the commentary "Brother Derek getting some action". Then it got better. They showed his jockey (named Alex) waiting to get ready for the race, and they said "there's Alex... biding time before mounting Brother Derek". hehe. And even funnier- my friend Derek has a brother- named Alex. So, he is "Alex's Brother Derek".

ok, no more posts today. I promise!

-J

Duh, how could I forget! I saw this on my way out of work this AM and had to take a pic. What the fuck is a saliva ejector? Correction, an ITALIAN saliva ejector??

Bleh.
I am totally full of self-doubt lately. Work is shitty, and I'm kind of scared about that. I'll save that lovely story for another time. Or never.

But my usual source of doubt is boys. Surprise surprise. I don't know what it is. On the one hand, I think I'm a catch and that any guy would be lucky to have me. But on the other hand, and this is probably based on crappy previous experiences, I usually can't get a guy's attention to save my life. It makes me feel totally invisible and unattractive (or fat). So this makes me totally insecure and I don't dare approach a guy. I just assume "he's way too cute to be interested in little old me." And that's a shitty feeling. I hate it. Or, as happened recently, I do manage to go on a date, have a great time, get the feeling he did too- and then he never calls. WTF.

But so there's a guy at work... He was just about the first person I met in Buffalo- he showed me around the hospital when I came to interview. He's always been cool to me. Sometimes sort of flirtatious, but in more of a friendly/coworker way. And, he was in a serious relationship (but not anymore). He calls me once in a while to go out, but usually I'm working or whatever. I've spent the night on his couch twice (and he spent the night in his bedroom). Then one time last summer after a particularly horrendous fight with the ex at thurs in the square, public crying, etc- he was there for me and told me I'm amazing and deserve better than [the ex], etc etc. So I think he's generally a good guy. (and my ex HATED him for that).

Then a few weeks ago he called me to go out, and amazingly enough I answered my phone and we chatted. He was going on about how badly he needs a girlfriend, blah blah. And later said "so... are we dating?" And since it was a ridiculous question I gave a ridiculous answer, and said "of course!".

ok you know what? this story is too long and stupid. sorry.

The bottom line is that he is flirting with me. He asked if I wanted him to come visit me at work one day. I said "for what?" and he said "whatever your luscious curves desire." Since people don't ever talk to me that way, my immediate response was "are you drunk?" and he said "no. you are a very sexy woman." And I just refused to believe him.

Yesterday was the Match for plastics. So thurs night he was nervous and wanted people to drink with him, so I did. And he said he was serious about dating. He was also drunk. And he somehow unhooked my bra in the middle of the bar. But he was also checking out every single girl that walked through the door. And then some little bimbo blondes he knew showed up, and all I could think was "that is the opposite of me, so if that's what you want... you don't want me." And I told him that.

But so now i'm wondering if I need to think about him in a different light. I just never thought about him in boyfriend terms at all. Didn't really cross my mind. Hmmmm. I wonder what will come of this.

But what prompted me to write is just the fact that a guy calls me "luscious" and my gut instinct is that he's drunk and/or making fun of me. And that is fucked up. And it bothers me. I wish I knew how to boost my self-confidence.

But here's one cheery thing: I got a very cute little teensy tiny dwarf frog for my fishtank. he's very cute. I just hope the other fish don't eat him.

-J

p.s. new user song. "Rhode Island is Famous for You" as done by Blossom Dearie. How could I resist?!