(and Josh, you think you went short?!)

So in case you haven't seen one of the 8000 identical pictures of myself that I have posted lately, this is what my hair looked like before today:



Now, I am ok with my hair. I guess curly hair isn't "cool" or whatever, and I'm supposed to want to have that jennifer aniston pencil straight hair, but whatever. I can deal with my curls. In fact I kinda even like 'em. I refuse to put much time/effort into my hair. I shower, and go out with it wet. My rules are: I cannot be bothered with a blow dryer, and it has to be long enough to be able to go into a ponytail, since that is how I wear it about 90% of the time.

But I've been a little negligent with the trims lately. And when I saw this pic, I thought 'YUCK, too long, time for a cut'.



So I went for a haircut today. Told the guy I wanted to chop a bunch off the back. He told me his plan, and I was ok with it. After all, it's just hair, even if he fucks it up. So he cut it... a lot. And since I can't be bothered with the blow dryer myself, I let him blow it out straight for a change.

And this is what I got:



Don't know if it's my sweater or chipmunk cheeks or the flash or the background or the hair, but I think I look like a 1950's housewife. Or Jackie O if I'm feeling generous. Or, oh my god, my mom.

So I straightened out the rest of that little flip- Unfortunately I take bad pix of myself but you can get the gist-



I'm curious to see what it will look like after I wash it and it's curly again. Hopefully not too horrendous... Fingers crossed.

Wow, that was a long post about my hair.

So... I like what I do. I really do. But sometimes it's hard to remember that. And I hate that I bitch about it so much, and I apologize. But my hours suck.... suck suck suck. I get one day off every week or two, and have to (or rather, should but don't) spend much of it sleeping. I haven't had a whole weekend off since may. I never even know these long weekend holidays occur until i get home and realize I didn't get any mail. Last night I was just thinking "wow... peeps are hardcore tonight! going out at midnight on a sunday!" totally didn't realize today was a day off.

But it sounds like I missed a good time at OPM last night, not to mention meeting new peeps... must say I think I'm a little jealous.

But we did make it to rochester for ethiopian, though I think I may have had (e:imk) fearing for her life a few times (sorry!). And (e:leetee), gotta say I disagree. I love the bread (injera). Yum yum. And it's all yummy and tasty and spicy... Mmm. Hope everyone's tummies were ok today! (my god, am I five? yummy? tummies? haha.)

And just some thoughts on this whole hotel business....
First off, I agree with uncut. He said what I was thinking, more or less, and put it more eloquently.
Now, my house is not in danger of being demolished. But, I am still only a couple blocks away from the proposed site.
I would like to read the hotel's side of the story. I feel dragonfire's version is very one-sided and colored by the fact that his house is in danger.
I don't want to see thriving local businesses torn down for the Gap and Starbucks. Don't get me wrong. I like my neighborhood. But I have to say that those houses are not really wonderful pillars of Elmwood history. And I'm not sure trying to make the area more 'upper-class' is necessarily such a terrible thing... I'm not saying bring the suburbs and chain stores downtown, but a swanky boutique, cafe, etc- that would be cool. And would probably contribute more to the local economy than a video shop... And no, I do not need a hotel since I live in the area. But that's the point of a hotel- for people who do NOT live in the are, am I wrong? So I think that argument is flawed logic...

Hmm. I think I will shut up. I don't know both sides of the story and thus should not go off on a rant about it. I don't like arguing points that I can't defend very well. And at the risk of voicing an unpopular opinion, it's just sort of sitting wrong with me to see (e:strip) used as a means to promote an agenda.

On that note,
later peeps.

-cranky jenks

So I was at work last night and we had to take a kid to the OR. And in the little holding area outside of the OR there's this machine that keeps all the drugs locked up. It's very tightly monitored. Usually before each case, the anesthesiologist goes and signs out all his drugs (morphine, fentanyl, versed- heavy duty stuff.) So last night I'm waiting for something, and next to the machine was a big pile of empty drug boxes. Not exactly something you see every day- so I took one. (** for the record, before you get all excited, it is just an EMPTY box**):



And issue two-
I've been craving ethiopian food for ages. I miss having a place locally. I guess there are two in rochester- Dashen and Abyssinia. And I suddenly want to go, like RIGHT NOW.
Anyone interested?
Check it out:

(Abyssinia)
(Dashen)

whew, not sure what came over me last night...
sorry for putting you all through that.
feeling back to myself today.

Boys don't suck.
I take it back.

So I might be a little drunky and a little buzzed, and it's a LOT past-my-bedtime since I need to be at work in like 4 hours, and I will probably regret this post in the AM and delete it, but what the fuck, this is 'my journal', right?

So (e:jason)'s post tonight (sorry, you'll have to look it up, I'm incapable of figuring out the link right now) plus some chat plus long talks with friends, have sent me through the gamut of emotions. Starting with 'poor jason'. That raw emotion just breaks my heart. It sucks, it hurts, I can feel it, and I wish I could help, but I fear only time can cure a broken heart. There are tons of people here for you bro. But YOU have to make the decision to actively try to feel better, then open your eyes and let them in... You're only alone if you let yourself be, and we can't help you unless you let us. Then talk turned to 'boys are confusing' 'no girls are confusing' 'men suck' 'no, women suck' etc etc. And then thoughts turned to sad and lonely and 'why doesn't anyone ever like me' depressing kind of shit. So yeah, thanks for that Jason! ;) I start out feeling bad for you and wanting to cheer you up, but I end up all depressed and sad, and needing cheering up myself (so what do I do? I drink beer. Strong work!)

But anyway, it got me thinking of the age-old topic. Yes, I know women can be hard to understand. I like to think that I, personally, am pretty much an open book. Perhaps to my detriment. I am super trusting, and loyal to a fault. And I can be totally gullible and naive when it comes to guys. Like, I actually think 'yeah I'll call you' actually MEANS 'i'll call you.' Silly me... Sure, sometimes it does mean that, but more often it means 'no way in hell will i call you, but I'm "afraid of hurting you" so I won't just tell you no- I'll lead you on for a while, and make it even worse."

And that is what I'm talking about... Guys like to claim that they are so easy to read and so straightforward- but that's so not true.... You play games with the best of 'em. I think the most common being the one above. I would SOOOOOOO much rather be hurt by the honest truth now, than deceived with lies and more hurt later... The "i think you're cool, but I just don't feel it" is so much better.... Yeah sure, no one wants to have to tell someone that. But they "yeah yeah we'll hang out next week" and then coming up with some excuse at the last second... that is so chicken-shit, and SO much worse.

Haha, I'm not really as bitter as this sounds.... I'm just sick of trying to interpret boys and their actions and non-actions.

[edited for content- personal details of current mini-semi-quasi-crush situation deleted. Gist of story- I'm not sure where things stand.]

So my rational side thinks it's probably a no, take the hint, move on.... But my emotional side can make so many excuses... didn't get the message, lost my number, etc etc etc. So I think 'ok, that's it. I've made my move. I'll just play it cool. See what happens, take no further action"

But I hate that. That even has the word 'play' in it and I am so not about "playing" any sort of BS games with people... I mean c'mon, we're adults here. Why can't we talk maturely about emotions? 'hey, you're cool. I think maybe I could like you." "awesome, i think you're cool too- let's hang out!" Or "yeah I'm just not feeling it, but thanks!"

That sort of honest communication could spare SO much heartache.... I try to be straightforward, and I just don't bet it back...
Such a bummer...
Yeah I could stand to lose a few pounds... But all in all, I'm a sane, down-to-earth, smart, funny, reasonably attractive chick. With a decent job and a decent head on my shoulders. I've got my shit together. I don't "need" a boy. But I'm always down with making new friends. And if something comes if it- great! And if it doesn't- that's fine too. No harm no foul. Never hurts to meet new people... I would do anything for my friends/family, without thinking twice. Just because I like to do things for people. I won't blow smoke up your ass, and all I want is for you do the same...

So why does that always backfire on me?
Guys claim they don't play games, they say they want a girl who doesn't. I don't, and it freaks people out. At least, something freaks 'em out. Maybe "straightforward" comes across as desperate? Which I'm so not...

Bah... it's past my bedtime. I'm not looking for you all to tell me how great I am, and stroke my ego. I *know* I'm a cool fuckin chick. ;)
I'm just venting my confusion, and wondering if anyone out there feels the same...

Ok. Thanks for listening. 'Night peeps.

-J