When I don't take my medicine, the dreams I have are amazing. I've become very adept at being more of an active participant in my dreams, rather than staying a helpless spectator. The themes are always the same. I'll share with you:

A) I am in high school, behind on credits, and sweating about it. Sometimes it's college as well, but I am always behind and trying to catch up.

B) My ex girlfriend comes back to torment me in many ways, leaving me depressed, angry, and feeling helpless. I wake up sweating like a whore in church, inconsolable, wanting desperately to feel nothing, or at least neutral. This is when I am a danger to myself.

C) I am in the military, very elite, and hunting the bad guys down. I have popped many a cap in my dreams, but never in real life. The people always deserved it, but I always was left feeling filthy.

D) Flying. Or, more accurately, floating. Not flying in the Superman sense, zipping around the globe, it seems much slower. It is the most amazing sensation, but it always leaves me drained and tired. I can't keep it up for too long before having to rest.

E) I am a performer of some sorts, entertaining people through musical theater. In my dreams, my singing is angelic.

I will share two of my dreams with you.

In one, I was more or less a character involved in a movie musical - think of something Disney-like. A very noble kingdom, with many good people, is falling to some kind of evil. I look above, and it is not a sky, more a sheet of ice, and it is crumbling on top of everyone and everything below it. I tried so hard to save as many people as I could, but I couldn't help everyone, leaving me feeling like I could never do enough.

Then, out of the blue, in the middle of this mystical musical dream, my deceased Grandfather pops into view. He didn't look old, more like in his mid 40's. He was wearing a plaid shirt. He looked good and healthy, bringing a smile to my face. I realized I was dreaming, and cried out to Grampa "Jack, what in the world are you doing here?" He was expressionless. He would say nothing to me, only bothering to stare blankly back at me. I desperately wanted him to talk to me, to say something, to let me know he was doing okay. I got nothing of the sort. I was freaked out. Say something, Jack, PLEASE! Nothing like this had ever happened in a dream of mine. Eventually he left, and I woke up.

The second dream is one of the most pleasant experiences I've ever had, dreaming or not dreaming. I was at my Grandparents' house in Jamestown, out in the lawn, hanging out with three little kids who were starved for attention and entertainment. One of the kids begged, "Show us a trick, Jason! PLEEEEEEZE!" How could you say no? I leapt in the air and started doing the backstroke through the air, floating along backwards, yelling BACKSTROKE! The kids started giggling their little heads off, and I couldn't help but feel pleased and happy. It was sunny, a beautiful day, utter paradise. I felt a lot of satisfaction bringing joy to these little kids. They begged me to teach them how to do the backstroke through the air, but I told them they had to wait until they were older, and that it took a lot of practice. "Okay Jason, we'll do our best!" I woke up, it was a beautiful day, and for once I was happy.

Have a happy holiday e-peeps!

Thanks to everyone for writing. I'm now happily enjoying ALL of my media in Linux! Everything is working beautifully. I also got a cool app for the iPod, like iTunes without podcasts. Anyone know of any software for downloading podcasts?

Thanks again
Jason

I finally found a distro that actually will recognize all of my components. Yay!

Now, how do I play MP3 files or my DivX videos? I have way too much of it to convert to something else. If I'm going to use Linux, I need to be able to use my media otherwise it is POINTLESS!

Can anyone offer tips?

So I go to the place today to engage in therapy to help my depression. I get there about 10 minutes late today. Who knows why. I had to take a shit. Anyway I get there and the guy tells me, "You know Jason you should really try to be on time - I'm supposed to just boot you from the program if you're late."

WHAT MOTHERFUCKER?!?!? WHAT?!?!

How about every damn time I go there, and have to wait, and wait, and wait, and pick up the Newsweek, and wait some more. If I judged them the same way they judged me, I would have booted their ass on DAY MOTHERFUCKING ONE. This is my first ever time being late, so why the fucking harsh treatment?

So tomorrow I make up my appointment at 10:30.