TRIGGER WARNING: poop talk, gross imagery in your brain

We can all thank my father that Monday did not result in a more disastrous and fragrant flash flood of horror. Growing up in a somewhat health obsessed household, I dutifully doled out the vitamins as my pre-dinner job after setting the table. Everyone got their little pile of golden football shaped garlic gels, green chlorophyll, chalky multi vitamins and deliciously tart chewable vitamin c. Additionally, I remember my dad saying "milk is for baby COWS" and "your poop tells the story of your health". So, for years now, I have always taken that one lingering look at my bowel movements, reveling in whatever texture or quantity i've made or worrying over what toxins i'm surely steeping in at any given moment. It may not be a full coprophillia situation, but it's a healthy interest. Clearly it's a medical interest. http://www.continence.org.au/data/images/bristol_stool_chart.gif

Monday was a real shit show.

Everyone's favorite nightmare is being at someone else's house when this happens, I just happened to LIVE IT. The occasion seemed safe after everyone at Casey's house was clear of the bathroom, I darted in. After one of my signature healthy release situations, i did my lingering glance, only to find that the toilet water was rising curiously higher than normal. Sensing the impending brown flood on Casey's bathroom, I shut off the water valve in time to prevent overflow (which is really great because then you have to pretty much put your face next to it to reach the valve). Still, I remained calm, I've dealt with plumbing disasters before. Plunging with what appeared to be a plunger made of wet felt, i saw no change. No sudden bubble and everything safely swirling away. After a bunch of tries, I finally made the ever-humbling decision to go ahead and throw dignity to the reckless wind and do what every woman dreams of doing: asking her partner to come over and check out her shit, NAY STARE AT IT AND STAND OVER A BOWL OF IT AND PLUNGE!

Casey, who remained surprisingly unfreaked out (considering how he won't touch raw FOOD) in his attempt to plunge. A new plunger was in order, so we had to go on a trip to find one all while poor Steve was trapped in a house where he could not use the bathroom (although, there is a real pleasure in peeing in a sink, i'm not gonna lie). Upon our return, Casey finally freed whatever was clogging the toilet and i bleached the living hell out of the bathroom floor from whatever flowed over.

Nothing is more bonding than a standing together over a toilet together. If you can get through that shit, you might be ok.