Last Monday, my friends and I got together to make freezable dinners for a neighbor (actually their neighbor- I live in a different neighborhood). My friend Janelle had gathered us together on this mission, and, not too long before that, she had rallied the others to do the same thing for me. We were not gathered together for some freezable dinner of the month club, rather we were gathered together because the neighborhood woman is expecting within the month. I didn’t know this woman very well, but, nevertheless, I was thrilled to be there. This may seem strange to some, but it felt good to “pay it forward.” When I had my daughter, earlier this year, I was finishing my last year of law school. Those meals that my friends gathered together to make were a saving grace, because for a whole month I didn’t have to worry about what was for dinner.

While I was in my friend’s house cooking, it just hit me how great that moment was. It also hit me how cliché the moment seemed, at least at first glance. However, this moment was anything but cliché. We were all gathered together in one kitchen to cook, to drink beer, to talk about husbands, children, business, work, and a whole host of other topics. The sad thing is that I think, for some, moments like these are under appreciated. We live in a society that praises all these typical “male” characteristics of keeping our emotions to ourselves, not letting others get the upper hand, and maintaining a “kill or be killed” kind of attitude. Maybe those characteristics are overrated. Maybe we need to do better to appreciate more “feminine” characteristics like nurturing others, showing affection for others, and having a more cooperative attitude. Put another way, I think the true picture of feminism is not only that women can perform just as well as a man, but also that women don’t have to do things the same way that men do in order to prove that.

So, what am I saying exactly? Well let’s talk about what I’m not saying first. I’m not saying that women are just nurturing, hormonal, chocolate lovers, who love to be in the kitchen, and that women should focus on cooking meals instead of negotiating the sale of a business, etc. What I am saying is that, as women, we don’t have to be ashamed if we want to get together, talk, and cook a meal for the pregnant lady across the street so that her family can focus on more important things than dinner, and doing so does not mean that we can’t negotiate the sale of a business, etc.

So, thank you, Janelle. It was truly my pleasure.

So, I've been reading Dickens' "Bleak House" lately and made it to chapter four where the reader is introduced to Mrs. Jellyby.

Mrs. Jellyby is a philanthropist whose latest project involves coffee cultivation in Africa that is meant to be for the ultimate good of the natives as well as those who have settled there. Mrs. Jellyby is described as a woman of "remarkable strength of character" by Mr. Kenge before the main character reaches her house to find many young children, dirty, with one who has gotten his head stuck between two iron railings. After the main character helps this boy out, they are led upstairs to meet Mrs. Jellyby, and as they are going up they hear another little Jellyby falling down the stairs. They are introduced to Mrs. Jellyby, who is not at all bothered by the sound of one of her children falling down the stairs. She is described as having eyes that have a "curious habit of seeming to look a long way off...as if...they could see nothing nearer than Africa." She is extremely unkempt, her house is a wreck (with the curtains in one of the rooms being fastened with a fork), she has relegated her eldest daughter to do nothing but dictate letters on her African project, and her husband is an inconsequential man who doesn't say anything and fades into the background. In short, she has focused her efforts on everything else but her home.

When I was reading this, I couldn't help but wonder if I was a Mrs. Jellyby. It made me wonder whether I have sacrificed too much on the domestic side of things in order to focus on my passions. I'll openly admit that I have an "I want to save the world" complex, and this is a long running between me and Matt at home. I'll also openly admit that domestic tasks are not my first priority, but I can't go so far as to say that's a fault. Do I think Mrs. Jellyby is right to ignore her children and the house around her to the degree she does? No. But, my answer would be the same if this were Mr. Jellyby we were talking about. Further, it's my opinion that men who sacrifice everything in their home life, even if they leave it to their significant other to pick up the pieces, are no better (but there hasn't been much criticism about that form of neglect).

I think that it's good to have passion, and to stand up for what you believe in. I think there is more to life for women than cleaning up and taking care of children. I think that children are better off when they have a strong female model that has passions but also is there to be a guide, and I don't believe women have to choose between having a career and having children.

As for Dickens' Mr. Jellyby, the book seems to paint him as a victim of his wife's disinterest in her house, but I can't agree there either. He has a responsibility not to sit idly by if he is so miserable. If your wife isn't good at taking care of kids, don't have so many, get a nanny, or do it yourself!! If you don't like that your household is a mess, than get off your ass and clean it. Yes, I said it. Men, you can get up and clean your household if it's not as clean as you would like it. Allowing yourself to become nothing but an afterthought is no one's fault but your own. I have no patience for this theory that strong women=neutered men.

Why am I ranting about Dickens' views on feminism as illustrated in an 1852 novel? I'm ranting because this line of thinking is still prevalent today. How many times must we hear about how things are so horrible today because women have gone to work? There are lots of things, other than the rise of feminism, that can be attributed to that.

So, while I may be like Mrs. Jellyby in some respects, I know that I've done my best to balance my home life with my other passions, responsibilities, etc., and I will not feel guilty about my choices simply because I am a woman.