04/29/04 01:38 - ID#35230

Ah whatever.

I'm actually knee deep in DEJA VU, holy shit that was weird. I was here before. Fuck me. Hold on.

Okay it passed. Well look I had a phenominal day which included me talking to the VP of F-P describing Camus' ideas of absurdity, as analagous to a working corporate America. I hope I get some work out of it.

And then I saw my buddy with his girlfriend and lost all hope that indivuality can occur in a relationship. Oh I remember being there. It's great, but it blows. Imagine a healthy relationship? I can't at this point, although me and chapter 19 are hitting it off pretty well.

I shake my head at stupid boys who would rather lose who they are than find out who they might be. Fuck it.

funny journal entry forthcoming.

Anyone else feel like screaming or taking a run or walking down the middle of elmwood? I'm here and I do have a jacket for the winter-like weather.

hey, let me know.

I would really like a goddamn cigarette. Whiskey is no longer working.

Permalink: Ah_whatever_.html
Words: 180
Location: Buffalo, NY

04/27/04 09:25 - ID#35229

For in that sleep...what dreams may come

Okay . . . the polls are in, the cards are dealt, the coffin is shut, here's what happened.

I did not get up early despite ample opportunities. I didn't get up late, but not early either.

But what's more, I dreamt last night. Oh my God did I dream. And guess what came back . . . yes, horrific tidal wave dreams. It was amazing. I haven't had those in I don't even know when.The only thing I do know is that something is wrong when I have those dreams. So what's wrong?

Ironically, I was fishing when the waves started to come in. Does that mean that I wanted them to come back, subconsciously?

I'm going to work sans coffee. I ran out of filters.

Life is so hard sometimes

Permalink: For_in_that_sleep_what_dreams_may_come.html
Words: 127
Location: Buffalo, NY

04/26/04 11:51 - ID#35228

New Plan, for tonight

we're going to try something here.

I'm going to go to bed early. Right after I'm done typing. I've been falling asleep everywhere lately, and I'm hoping this will cure it. More of a problem is the complete opposition my body has to waking up. In either case, let it be known, I will sleep soon.

Oh yes. This is an experiment. I will attempt to wake up at 7am tomorrow morning and take a walk with me dog to get a cup of coffee and potentially read a book before I have to work. We shall see if this works.

It's sort of like when you were a kid playing basketball, even though people without hands were better than you, and you said, I'll ask her/him out if I make this shot. It's come down to that.

If this doesn't work, I will boycott sleep all together. Who's with me . . .

Would it be too much to ask for a small bout with insomnia?

Permalink: New_Plan_for_tonight.html
Words: 165
Location: Buffalo, NY

04/26/04 02:52 - ID#35227

2nd, 3rd, 1st

wake up.

wake up you have stuff to do. You know you want to get it out, but the sleep wants you. But hell, like it matters. wake up.

As he says this to himself, head bobbing over the keyboard, rain falling, cars whizzing by, sirens wailing, the phone rings. He thinks it's her, but of course it's Greg.

I'm in love.

Really.

I think so.

That's great man. I think, well no . . .

Shit no parking spots can I call you back.

Call me tomorrow. Thanks brother, you did it.

Did what.

I'm awake.

You in love?

That depends. I have to write. It's a good night for it.

I found a spot.

Me too.

Permalink: 2nd_3rd_1st.html
Words: 115
Location: Buffalo, NY

04/24/04 02:23 - ID#35226

Where Have All the Tidal Waves Gone?

I'm pissed off because I haven't had a truly disturbing, metaphorical dream in which I'm about to die, in at least a month. About last year at this time, forget it, it was nightly. And they were good. The good ones turned out to be tattoo's on my arms. Maybe that's it. Maybe I'm pining for another tattoo, but I have no horrifying symbolic dreams to interpret. Damn.

That Tears for Fears song is true though, "I think it's kind of funny, I think it's kind of sad, the dreams in which I'm dying are the best I've ever had."

If you've ever came face to face with a 40 foot tidal wave about to drop on you, you know how alive you feel in your sleep. I can't describe the feeling.

God I miss those days.

Well . . . there's always tonight.

Permalink: Where_Have_All_the_Tidal_Waves_Gone_.html
Words: 140
Location: Buffalo, NY

04/23/04 03:28 - ID#35225

Okay VS. Amazing

Is it truly possible to be with one person and be completely satisfied? I would think that when you find a someone and you both click like the snap of a shutter, well then, why wouldn't it work? But then what if you find people you come across who are interesting, but the only click you hear is them actually taking pictures. What do you do?

Knowing full well that, yes, this might be fun, but ultimately, it won't be the storybook romance you think will eventually happen, do you ride out that boat until you see the one you're supposed to be on? Well then what us that point of dating? It definitely befuddles the mind.
I like you.
Okay.
Let's go out.
Okay.
We're okay together.
Okay.
What's wrong.
It's okay.

I can't do okay, this I have realized. But do you do okay until you trip over amazing?

Has anyone seen amazing around?

And don't say everyone is, because it's all a matter of perspective.

And where does "good" come into play?

Permalink: Okay_VS_Amazing.html
Words: 175
Location: Buffalo, NY

04/21/04 03:15 - ID#35224

Making Progress, shit, OW

Yeah it's working or I'm working. My head still kills me. I apologize for the obscenities but really, when you wake up in a stupor, the only words that come to your mouth are shit and fuck. And fuckshit. And damnit fuck.

okay, once more into the breach dear friends, once more.

I will say this - I WILL NEVER DO THAT AGAIN.

I HOPE.

Permalink: Making_Progress_shit_OW.html
Words: 65
Location: Buffalo, NY

04/21/04 12:22 - ID#35223

My Morning

oh boy. Ow.

And proper drunk I did get. Wow I'm a mess. MY fucking, fuck, fuckshit, ass, fuck, head hurts, fuck.

And I have work to do. A LOT OF WORK TO DO. OW. Bullshit. Fuck. Damnit fuck shit.

ah fuck.

shit.

fuck.

Aspirin. Yes aspirin. Fuck.

I don't think I'm getting my point across - I'm in pain. Okay, talk to you later.

fuck.

Ow.

Permalink: My_Morning.html
Words: 67
Location: Buffalo, NY

04/20/04 10:36 - ID#35222

My Issue

The gathering was impressive I have to say. And this from a skeptic of the current state of protests. But really. It felt good to be there. It almost made me believe that things are about to change.

Paul, Terry and Emily pretty much summed up the day. To be honest, this has been an odd day all filled with massive realizations about myself which started at 8:11 in the morning after I woke up from the fifth alarm I set. Here it is.

I live in squalor and I don't mind.

But I realize that this might be why I'm off. My motivation is shit and if I think I'm more tired than I've ever been in my life. You know what, this is to much to get into right now.

I need a drink. I'll be doing the allentown circuit if anyone's out and about. I might just really dedicate myself to getting proper drunk tonight, so I apologize in advance to all.

I do this because I can, and therein lies my issue . . . or at least the start of it . . .

Permalink: My_Issue.html
Words: 182
Location: Buffalo, NY

04/19/04 12:39 - ID#35221

The Wrong War

If you needed any more arguments about how much of a tyrant Bush is, read this editorial from Bob Herbert, from the Times.

It's called the Wrong War and 'tis brief . . . as a President's love. At this point, I don't think that even voting him out will make a dent in his plan. The damage is done and hate is in the world. Any hope? I'm looking for it.

I will be there tomorrow, rock in hand. That's most likely the only thing that will open this man's mind.

Permalink: The_Wrong_War.html
Words: 97
Location: Buffalo, NY

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