Okay...so I just found out WHY one should never talk to ex's.

Little background...I keep AIM open all day at work...talking to friends helps to pass the time of course. Now, I do occassionally try to be a good guy and keep in touch with a few ex's who are interesting for whatever reason. This ex...let's call her "Miss S." for anyonymity's sake...is a girl who I dated in college. She's a very Portuguese catholic girl (as in, here family is straight off the boat from the Azores) from MA. She also is the first girl who ever broke MY heart. (I had left a long trail of tears before that..but she had the gall to cheat on me...anyway..). I've only really kept in touch with her because her life has become even more of a train wreck/soap opera than mine. (A brief listing; she got chlamydia from the guy she cheated on me with [served her right], her nephew passed away, her mother and grandmother passed away the same year, she has gone through wild weight swings, severe depression, etc) However, the lastest news from her I think quite possibly takes the cake....the following is a brief overview of our IM conversation today:

Me: Hey you, what's going on?! I haven't talked to you in ages...
Ex: Not much, how about you?
Me: The usual...work, rugby, life...so anything new?
Ex: Yeah, I moved to Melrose...with that Dom who I told you about before...with his wife and twins...

Now then..here is where I need to start the 'splainin'. Miss S. has a definate thing for D/s relationships. Okay, great, that can be fun..little kink never hurt anyone. Now the last time Miss S. and I spoke was several months ago when she was having an affair with a married gentleman. I asked if that was wise and apparently she thought it was...she even said he'd asked her to move into the in-law apartment he has next door. I thought that was a bad idea...she thought that was a bad idea...enough said. End of history, back to the action.

Me: WOW....when did that happen?
Ex: Oh, a couple of months ago
Me: Everything okay?
Ex: Yeah, I'm busy everyday with his wife and twin sons, cleaning, cooking taking care of the kids, etc.
Me: Wait...so this is kind of "mormon-esque"?
Ex: LOL...well...kinda sorta
Ex: Well, I have to go work, I'll talk to you later
Me: Talk to you later...hasta...

Okay....so...that perhaps goes down as the single weirdest conversation I've ever had. And I'm a pretty liberal guy...pretty understanding of differences...pretty open. But that..well...that goes a tad beyond where I'm at right now. I think what bothers me the most is the children in the situation. I mean...sure...Miss S. has been boffing their dad for a few months now, but at this point, she's acting as a second mother. And I know Miss S.....she hasn't been the most stable individual over the past 5 or 10 years. What happens when Miss S decides to bail and these kids lose one of their "parents"?

I dunno...is it just me...or does this seem fairly crazy?

Well, it seems like I'm not the only one who had some lyrics running through his head last night/this morning....

Here are mine...(courtesy of the Ipod before bed...):

"...Let me show show you baby, I'm a talented boy..."
"...I said pretend you've got no money, she just laughed and said, 'oh, you're so funny!'..."
"...I am not innocent. You are not innocent. No one is innocent. ..."
"...When we are older you'll understand what I meant when I said, 'No, I don't think life is quite that simple.'..."
"...Walked around my good intentions, and found that there were none..."


Just my random thoughts for now...

Well...I've been saying it since mid-November and last night was "Judgement Day". That's right, the first practice of the new year. And the results? (Like EVERY YEAR...I apparently lack the ability to LEARN!!) I hurt. My back, my quads, my HIP FLEXORS KILL, my abs, my neck, everything. Even my intercostals hurt. (Not a good sign when your ribs and lungs are burning after the first practice...) On the plus side...I'm faster now for some reason than I was last fall...a full .2 of a second faster in the 40. AND I made a ridiculously stellar pass for a try playing speedball last night...falling down, OVER a defender, to a winger breaking on the outside. It was perfect...flat...hit the wing in-stride...anyway...I digress from my description of the complete and utter pain I'm in right now. Did I mention I'm in pain?

Oh well...only a couple of weeks of feeling slightly better than death and I'll be back in the swing and better off for it. Only about a month until our first match...I need to make it count. (Even though the spring/summer is our "fun" season...tournaments and whatnot).

Back to work....

...I'm in a rut. Not just a fun little "life is comfortable, this is a good routine" sort of rut, but a serious serious "holy christ, I'm clawing the walls here" sort of rut; I go to work Monday-Friday from 8:30 to 5:00, come home, change out of my work clothes, go back downstairs, turn on the TV (always to channel 4...), do dishes from the previous night, make dinner, eat dinner, and then either watch TV or play videogames. That's it...Monday through Friday...that's what I do EVERY SINGLE DAY. And the past two weekends haven't been any better...I haven't done anything besides drink coffee, play videogames, and do laundry.

I dunno...and I guess I shouldn't get too down, rugby IS gearing up again....in another month and a half I won't have any time to spare and I'll be out drinking far too many nights each week. It's just this crappy time of year between "holiday cheer" and "fun in the sun" that is such a killer around here.

I've been thinking...maybe I need a relationship...and then I think maybe I don't. I don't know which. Just when I get thinking about the fun/great things about a relationship, I start to remember all of the other not so great things. This is the issue I'm having...I'm in so much of a rut that I can't even THINK well lately. It's like I've lost the ability to think novel thoughts, to think outside the box (or the rut in this case).

Oh well...enough for now...back to work.

More later....

It's been one of those weeks....I need booze...ASAP.

Okay, time for a couple of random thoughts:

1) It's official...we have no opposition party in this country. When all you have to do to possibly block the scariest Supreme Court nomination in our generation is vote along party lines and you can't even muster THAT...there is officially no true opposition to the Republican juggernaut that is quickly destroying the Constitution.
I spend most of my time now vasilating on what I feel is the best course of action for the political left in this country. Whether to try and salvage the bloated, festering corpse of the Democratic Party or to scrap the whole mess and try and form a new opposition party. Of course, the real crux of that is the time and effort involved in forming a new party and the viability of the party once it is formed, since this country puts so much stock in "tradition".
Let me explain a little. I grew up in a family that is basically Canadian. That being said, they still followed Canadian politics even though they lived on this side of the border. Anyone who has followed Canadian politics since the Mulroney era can tell you what happens when you divide an entire side of the political spectrum. In Canada's case, it was a divided right, not a divided left. The conservatives in Canada then spent the next 12 years dividing their votes between two and sometimes three new right-wing parties...losing the the Liberals in each general election (until the most recent). Now, it took them 12 years, but they finally put together a party which could win enough seats in the House of Commons to establish a government. What scares me, however, is that Canada is a smaller country and it is less firmly tied to "political tradition" than this country. That is to say, I think Canadian voters are more likely than American to give a "new" party a chance. That's where my issues with viability come in. Building a new party from the ground up would take a LOT of work, and in American society where instant gratification is king, I'm not sure a new party would ever reach "critical mass". Would people become overly discouraged when said "new leftwing party" (this is why I don't run political campaigns...) didn't win many races initially? (and by "initially", I mean maybe for the next 20 years?) And what would happen in the interim? How much damage would the Republican party be able to do with a completely fractured left?
Anyway...those are the political thoughts that keep me up at night.

2) I need to GET OUT more. I've been trapped inside the past few weekends and I'm going completely crazy. This past weekend, being trapped at home was a function of the most ridiculously high natural gas bill I've seen in my entire life. Now, admittedly, I live in a two-bedroom duplex all by myself...but even still, I should not receive a bill for $350 for ONE MONTH of service. It's not like I sit around in shorts with the heat cranked to 85 everyday. This is just ludicrous. So, needless to say, the entertainment budget was cut WAY back at that point. I spent pretty much all weekend playing videogames (I love Gamefly...). I beat "God of War" in 12 hours (that's 12 STRAIGHT hours...for those counting...). Yeah...I'm a loser...a currently poor one at that. I think others on here have mentioned this before, but I make the second highest wage amongst my group of friends, and I'm the one who never seems to have cash. I can't figure it out either........


I'm sure there are more...but seeing as how I'm being paid to actually do work, and not to post journal entries, I should probably get back to actual work....

I can't stand this time of year...it seems like no one ever wants to DO anything. I'm personally "done" with winter for the year...I'm ready to get going, to do things, to get out...anything. I find myself cruising my contact list making random telephone calls to people who all give me the same "nah...it's too cold/wet/cloudy/hot/purple monkey dishwasher to do anything..." and I'm sick of it. I want to get out!!! RESCUE ME!!!

In honour of, in honour of...etc etc etc...

Here it is, boys and girls...

MY 2005 List

My favourite moments of 2005
-Opening day of rugby season...
-The summer fundraiser (16 straight hours of booze and doing horrible, horrible things)
-Thursdays in the Square
-The night with Matty, Fathead, and Frank that started at Geckos, moved to SideBar, and then wound up with 8 rounds of Red Bull & Vodka at THE COLONIE LOUNGE!!!!
-Matty-gras '05
-Running at Chestnut Ridge and Delaware Park
-The Regatta with Kji and the rest of the SLU alums
-Nights with "the veets"
-Saranac Lake Can-Am Rugby Tournament
-The partying AFTER the rugby playoffs

My least favourite moments of 2005
-Losing to Rochester in the playoffs
-Having to move
-Grandmother's death
-Mom's stroke
-Sister's seizure
-The cake eating contest after the Finger Lakes match...
-Blowing the opening kickoff against the Syracuse Chargers..
-"Christmas Fiasco"


Did you keep your New Years Resolution '05?
Hmm...I don't make them...so yes and no...

Did you fall in love in 2005?
NEXT QUESTION! (a la Drew Rosenhaus)

Did you break up with anyone in 2005?
Yes...and it affects things more than I care to admit or acknowledge...I used to think I did feelings well, now I know I'm just as lost as every other male in that awful, stereotypical way...

Did you make any new friends in 2005?
A whole new team, a whole new set of brothers...

What was your favourite month of 2005?
Lets go with...hmmm...May or June...it's a tossup...

Did you travel outside of the US in 2005?
Only Canada...nothing major..

How many states did you travel to in 2005?
Actually...hmmm..the only state I was in in 2005 is NY...scary and odd...I think that's the first time that's happened.

Did you miss anybody in the past year?
Every once in a while...

What was your favourite song from 2005?
Hmmm..."Gold Digger" by Kanye West? I don't know...alt rock is dead, hip hop is getting stale...nobody does anything new anymore...I spend most of my time listening to stuff written well before 2005...

What was your favourite album from 2005?
See the previous response...lol.

Did you drink a lot of alcohol in 2005?
I play rugby....'nough said.

Did you do drugs in 2005?
Oh....maybe one....

Do you have anything that you're ashamed of this year?
Hmmm...I've treated some people poorly, and that is something I'm ashamed of whenever I do it...

What was the worst lie someone told you in 2005?
Hmmm....there aren't any real glaring winners to this one...people have been pretty honest with me this past year...

Did you treat somebody badly in 2005?
NEXT QUESTION! (again, a la Drew Rosenhaus)

Did somebody treat you badly in 2005?
Oh yeah...you all know who you are...lol...just kidding...no seriously..you know who you are and you'll be hunted down and dispatched.... :)

What was your proudest moments of 2005?
-Every time I was selected to start in rugby...
-Making the playoffs...
-Honours/recognition at work...
-Not vomiting no matter how much I had to drink...
-Seeing the people around me succeed...

What was your most embarrassing moment of 2005?
Totally blowing the opening kickoff against the Syracuse Chargers in front of friends and teammates...

If you could go back to any moment in 2005 and change something, what would it be?
No regrets, right?

What are your plans for 2006?
-Start running again NOW, so that I don't pay for it this spring like I do every other spring...
-Refocus on work, get promoted faster...
-Increase the time I spend with friends and family...
-Be a better human being...

I found the secret to making my millions in the brothel industry....get turned down for purchasing a Subway franchise!!!

Apparently Dennis Hof was turned down for a Subway franchise before he invested in the controlling share of the Moonlite Bunny Ranch.....now...all I need is the capital required to be turned down by Subway....lol.

That...and some recruits....


;)

So then...long time, no write...I know, I know.

I've been spending most of my freetime lately in hibernation. I love being able to look out of my windows at the snow and wind while sitting in my living room in shorts and a t-shirt. I spend my time reading, listening to music, playing the guitar or watching DVR'ed episodes of HBO's "Cathouse" series and really really really wanting to be Dennis Hof. How does one get into that business?

I get out to run when I can, although I detest being cold, so my off-season training isn't what it should be. This always makes my Aprils and Mays harder than they should be (because I've been so incredibly lazy all winter long), and I promised myself I wouldn't do that this winter...but here I am.

The holidays are always a crazy time of year for me. This year is no exception between family, friends, and work. On top of family commitments I also have our office party (open bars and I are not a good mix due to my propensity for overconsumption, but I will try to be good), and now I've been asked/told/instructed that I have to play host to some friends in from out of town for New Years. Apparently, no one else has space to house one of our annoying female friends (that's an AFF for those keeping score...). On the plus side, I do get to say there's an ex-stripper staying at my place for New Years...even though she is possibly the most grating woman on earth.

I haven't purchased a single Christmas gift yet....which means I'll be stuck at the mall on Christmas Eve or thereabouts yet again. (I really think I lack the ability to learn sometimes...) But what are you gonna do, right? What makes it worse is that I have no idea what to buy anyone...cash in envelopes is starting to sound really really good right about now.

So..that's been my life for the past little while...boring...I know, but boring has its advantages sometimes. Keeps me out of trouble......