I can still taste vodka. My body is working to digest but it seems to take forever. Park st. had a birthday and I was guilted out to the pink. It was fun... strange but fun. I got around an hour of sleep. Then the lovely korean woman in my bed woke me up and asked for directions home. Then she got lost and kept calling so... I ate a couple soft boiled eggs and some herring. I've been planning for class today. I hate being a walking talking technical manual but that's what my kids want. They've broken my spirit. I've given into their desires.
This research is driving me nutty. It's so many things to put together but I can do it. It's time to become a hermit and get em done. I still need three people to shoot a video of. I think I will ask Julie, Soyeon and Arzu if they will do a sequence. This project seems to be more about relationships than absurdity, unbelievably.

I need a boyfriend but one I can send home with ease. It must be spring fever. I know I'm not good with guys but Jesus Christ, everyone needs a lay every now and then. Do I scare men. It's either that or... well, maybe y'all can tell me the problem. Should I put on a faux innocence to be romantic?
Thanks for the cow advice. I wish things were easier. All I want to do is walk a cow around downtown Buffalo but without a truck or money, it just seems infeasible. I really have to get a move on if you know what I mean. It has to do with the changing of times. I hate being commodity dependent for happiness but at the same time, could you imagine killing your own meat?
I hate seeing my sister make up to her daughter for the lack of time she spends with her by buying her shit. I know she has bills but what if she just quit her job and hung out. I mean food and shelter are the biggies. They always have shelter. They could make a garden. What about me though? I buy shit all the time with God Damn loans, usually ephemeral things intended for immediate consumption but not always. I have a media addiction, books, movies and music.


I'm bothered.
I really can be bothered.
I found an old roll of film and had it developed. It's from inside my old apt. at 226 elmwood. I think I cooked mac and cheese for Soy. It was back before she moved to the suburbia and became a housewife.
reason # 2304 not to have a boyfriend
regular sex makes the majority of people lazy and boring (but then some people have always been one or the other), must be a comfort thing.

Does anyone have a live cow I could borrow or know where to rent one?
I'm serious.
I need some help here. I know where to get dead cow but a live one...
I've no idea.

it was a strange wednesday. i cleaned up my apartment a little bit and rewarded myself by going out to the pink. a few of my crowd showed up but left early. then i ran into aaron miller and talked to him for a while. then i saw my new neighbor and talked to her for a long while until she had to go to work at spot. she seems cool. she was pissed that someone called the landlord to bitch about her dog. i had to reassure her it wasn't me. so after she left some old dude who recognized her started talking to me asked me if we should get breakfast together. i went and hid in the bathroom while the bartenders kicked everyone out. then i sat around while they closed the bar. i talked to dr.know. apparently he has a panty collection and would like to add mine to it. i talked to raul, the guy who comes in to clean up. he wanted my number but i was drunk enough to be reasonable and direct and tell him i didn't want him to call me. then i chris gave me a lift home and told me about his broken heart. guys are pathetic when heartbroken. i makes me want to laugh even though i feel bad. he says "i want her back" reminds me of my old flatmate Albrecht.

Some good news is that I'll be doing a screening at Hallwalls the first week of May. This is good because it will give me some motivation to complete my productions. It looks like I may be able to get out of UB after all.

• I am Bettie Page***

Girl next door with a wild streak
You're a famous beauty - with unique look
And the people like you are cultish about it


What Famous Pinup Are You?

It looks like I'll be bar tending for soyeon tonight with liz. I have a new upstairs neighbor who has a dog. The walls are are not sound proof and the doggy is barking all the time. The dog bite on my back is healing nicely. It no longer hurts, just itches.
Yesterday I spent the day preparing an application for Elsewhere Artist Collaborative. It would be good to get that. I'll try for it and worry about the money later. I guess I could live off of 50 dollars a week and if I spent 6 weeks there that's only 350 dollars.
Sounds like a good graduation present doesn't it? Let's see if I can finish. The work is no problem but the motivation to write about it is a problem. My committeee is indifferent as they are concerned with their own practice. I'm just going to give them everything and see what they say. I know a few different things I could write about so I guess I'll have around three sections. I wish my neighbor would cut off this Internet connection, maybe then I would be less distracted. Soyeon has convinced me to do the walk. I'm only doing it because it will get my family up here to visit. Lori has promised to bring Kiah to visit. I know she'll never bring her but I bet my Mama and Daddy will. It's time for me to leave UB that's fo sho. A person can only handle so much schoolin and I think 20 years of it has been enough for me.

Here is a link to a quicktime I made of Kiah. It's difficult to direct a 5 year old so it's pretty rough.

ok so i feel bad bitching about my committe. They have recommended all kinds of great books to me which I have read... and i find helpful...

you can lead a horse to water, it may choose to drink but damned if you can make it regurgitate all that water.

amd yes mt that is the andrew sisters.

from 7 to 9 this Saturday Soyeon is having an opening. Be there or be square, that is what I say. We have to really rock it afterwards because Soyeon has been a total recluse all semester with the excuse of "I have to work" Lets see what she's been doing.

PS.... does somebody wanna give me a ride to the opening?


Two MFA Exhibitions Opening on this Saturday Night at 7pm.
Memory of November (North Gallery)
Multi-Video Installation Work by Soyeon Jung

I'm in the Wrong Film (East Gallery)
Photography and Video Work by Hans Gindlesberger

On View: March 25 - April 22, 2006
Opening Reception: Saturday, March 25 - 7-9pm


Carnegie Art Center
240 Goundry Street
www.carnegieartcenter.org
Gallery Hours: Wed-Fri, 11-4, Sat, 1-4,

Direction: From the I-290
Take Colvin exit North
Then Twin City Highway North
Turn Left on Tremont St
Right on Payne Ave, left on Goundry

---

Two MFA thesis shows will be held at Carnegie Art Center on March 25th (this coming Saturday). Please come by and take a look at the work. There will be homemade food at the opening. Also, there is a party after the opening at Arzu's house.

Direction to Arzu's place: 114 elmwood Ave, just off of Allen Street.

does my site suck? any suggestions for improvement? I'm not a web designer and it's pissing me off! Are all the compressed files to big?

It's back to Buffalo tomorrow afternoon. I delayed my return two days to avoid the greyhound and fly. I'll go to the pink tomorrow night to catch up with everyone and ease back into my assimilation. I'm going to be happy to get home where I can smoke cigarettes inside but I'm going to be sad because I left my apartment in such a mess. I have a tendency to shock myself upon returning.
I'm wore out from all this family. My three little nieces are out of control. Kiah is the ring leader, Gracie is her Goldilocked follower, and little Lea just toddles after them. Lea likes to put on one high heel slipper and walk around. Kiah also liked to put on enlarged shoes at that age. Kiah may have liked the attention but Lea doesn't get undivided attention like Kiah did. Lea honestly likes to walk around with one big slipper. Did I mention Lea has my smile? One year olds are the great, into everything but still pretty low key.
I went and told my Mawmaw bye. She doesn't want me to move to NYC after school. She asked how about Atlanta? I said, I've already lived there. It's about time for a new place. I told her not to worry because I'll be back for her birthday, I heard she's turning 40. She laughed, I guess she'll really be about 78 or something. I like it when Mawmaw says, "Well, bless your bones."
I want to apply for this residency in North Carolina. It's in an old thrift store. My Dad is from North Carolina and I just recorded an hour of his storytelling. I wonder what I could find in the thrift store to combine with that? Unfortunately this is an mostly unfunded residency. They give you housing for a month or two but I would be on my own for groceries and whatnot. I would be ok if I were teaching a summer course but Roy hasn't offered, further proving his dishonesty and I'm burned out on media study students anyway. Are the awesome few worth it? I think I want to work for myself, freelance somehow.
I can go on and on but I think I'll go take advantage of the digital cable. I've been avoiding it all week but finally.... I hear the babysitter calling.

Earlier tonight I went to Atlanta to see Tony Conrad do a performance. Afterwards I stopped and had coffee at the Majestic diner. I caught up with my old department head, Sara Hornbacher and her husband Rob. I left there around 3 in the morning and started the 65 mile drive to Adairsville.
I listened to the Great Expcetation's soundtrack as I drove my sister's car down I75 with the car on cruise control at 75. I stopped by a gas station where I purchased a pack of Marlboro reds from a bearded man with a gruff drawl. Then I blasted country music and sang along. Five minutes from the house on old 41 a raccoon ran out into the road causing me to slam on my breaks and swerve. The car, raccoon and I all turned out fine. I drove on at a slower pace. When I arrived to the house it was about 4:20 in the morning. My sister left the porch lights on for me. I went to the first door and tried the key but it only opened the top lock. I went around to the front door and and unlocked the door but they had the chain on. Finally I walked around to the back porch and my dad's weimareiner, Ray, rose up from his sleep and growled and started running toward me. I said Ray, ray, ray! and he jumped on me, I ran and screamed bloody murder and Ray bit the hell out of my back. Then he went back on the porch. That was the first time I have ever seen a dog attack a person and the person was me. I took out my cell phone and called inside the house. My sleepy Mama answered and I told her
"come let me in the house the dog just attached me"
"which one?"
"Ray"

So when I could hear my Mama at the door I grabbed some rocks and started chucking them at Ray, sadly I didn't hit him. I went into the house and started crying. I didn't want to. My Mama has see me freak out enough in her life but I was so shaken up I couldn't help it. I took off my coat, pulled up my shirt and asked my Mama to if there was a mark on my back. She said yes and I bent down to let Kiah's little puppy out of it's kennel. My sister asked me to take him out. She gave him to Kiah yesterday. He looks like a little bear. Kiah named him Prince Poo Follower.
My Mama told me not to let that puppy out to pee on her rug but I needed a sweet animal to restore my faith in the kindness of dogs. I took out the puppy, held him and cried. Then I got up and looked at my back in the mirror. I saw that Ray broke the skin, even through my wool coat. My mama came with some neosporean and bandages. I had turned on the barn lights because I wanted to take Ray out to his pin but when I opened the door he growled at me and Mama told me to leave him alone. I cussed at him and shut the door. My mama doctored my back and I asked
"What are you going to do when that dog attacks one of your babies?"
"he did attach one of my babies"
"I mean little babies"
Then I took Prince Poo Follower out onto the front porch. He went into the grass and took a poo. I was proud of him and gave him a treat. As I type this Prince Poo Follower is sleeping in my lap.

EVIL FUCKING DOGS!!!!!!!!!