were terry and i getting it on?
i thought it was dancing
and paul was a victim of dance


i didn't take any wooden nickels on the way home. but then, none were offered. home is a short walk and i don't mind making it on my own. but wouldn't it be nice to be accompanied back to my hovel, my hole, my new comforter. we two could be comforted by its feathered warmth.

listening to tom waits, lou reed, leonard cohen. it's like wrapping up in my comforter.

bought new sheets for no reason other than i like them. what a good way to spend $60.

reading virgin suicides after watching it again last week. i think the movie is better. maybe. still haven't finished the book.

went home for memorial day, as always. i can't decide if my family is falling apart or getting closer. i really can't stand my sister these days and don't know if or how that will ever change. i just want her to go away and i feel really wrong saying that. on the other hand, my sister in law and i are getting on famously.

i get more worried about steve and his case with each passing day, but i feel pretty powerless.

teaching is okay. today was "attack of the whiners." it happens at least once every semester, kids who want an A without earning it. they probably think i'm a bitch, but i'm not. i just believe that doing the bare minimum of work does not qualify you to receive an A.

i'm getting paranoid that roy hates me, or at least thinks i can't teach. honestly, there's no reason for me to think this -- it's all in my head. well, that's how i try to reassure myself.

am finally in buffalo for the weekend with no visitors and nothing to do. maybe i'll go see shrek or some other movie.

will go to the pink tonight. it's been weeks since i've been there.

I just chatted for a while with julie and we were talking about the lack of discussion about Steve, not just here on estrip, but with people in general.

Maybe it's a fear of seeming gossipy, a fear of the FBI, or just plain not knowing what to say. But no matter the reason, the general silence frightens me more than anything.

I don't really know what to say, either. But I do think it's important to support Steve and to be vocal about it. The situation is absurd (see churchofjulie's journal [inlink]churchofjulie,33[/inlink] for more info). Steve is not a bioterrorist and is in no way deserving of harrassment by the FBI.

The ways that government agents can use the Patriot Act terrorizes me more than any threat from the Mid-East or anywhere else in the world. I can't believe that this and other "homeland security' measures are supposed to make us feel safer.

yesterday, walking down my long hallway, i was thinking about the elmwoodstrip.com site and thought that maybe i'd suggest to paul that he move the elmwood journal off the front page so that people looking at the site for the first time would feel more welcomed. i didn't say anything to him, though.

then i check the site today and there's the announcement. either i'm psychic or he is!

1 pair of black trouser socks
1 black polo shirt

1 sticky floor
100+ cds all over
6 empty bottles
uncounted cigarette butts
1 funky smell that won't leave
2 blushing cheeks


p.s. anyone who wants to come to the roof to take pictures/hangout/whatever, just let me know

a few years ago, i used to have these really scary dreams in that half awake state just before i would fall into rem sleep. in these dreams, an angry man/monster would stand over my bed and prevent my arms and legs from moving. i'd try to scream, but nothing came out. and slowly, the less i resisted, i would come fully awake scared shitless. i really thought i was going crazy for a while, especially when my grandmother started visiting me in these dreams (those weren't scary, but it was weird because she's no longer living).

then, i told a friend about these dreams and he asked if the scary man ever spoke to me. no, he never did. but that night, a monk with a cowl covering his face stood at the end of my bed and chanted a message to me. i forgot the message in the morning, but it was very important and at the time seemed like the key to happiness, or something. but more importantly, in the morning i also realized that as soon as it was suggested to me that the visitors might try to communicate with words, they did so. i realized it was all in my mind and the scary dreams stopped immediately.

once or twice since moving to buffalo, i've had that dream again, of the man standing over me, but i haven't taken it seriously since i know how to wake myself up and get out of the situation. i'm pretty sure these dreams are symptomatic of being unsettled with some aspect of my life.

last night, i had a different kind of dream, but it fits into this category because i woke up still tingling in physical reaction and also fully believing in what i had just experienced. it's kind of strange, but i was channelling steve so that he could communicate with five women, all of them unsettled souls. two of the women shared the same body, one of them holding a wooden spoon. i have no clue what was said, but i did have super strong visual images from this dream. when i woke up, my body was in the same position (head resting on crossed arms), but it felt like every nerve ending in my skin was stimulated.

so, i've thought about this dream all day long. i thought i'd share it with you.

Hey, if you like Vodka, come on by with a mixer!

175 North Street (1 block north of allen)
the ambassador
Apt. 106


come 11 pm or so

i meant to post this last night, but i lost my connection and then decided i might as well go to bed.

robin, i'm glad you had a good time with keith. i could have helped with the singing. did you also do the motions to father abraham?

this is a box too. mostly, boxes don't talk back. as you see, even im refuses to interact with me.

now that i'm talking less and less to people, i'm talking more and more to boxes. i refuse to worry about it.

so i devoted today to watching 2 vampire movies.

i picked up Nosferatu at random in the DMS library either yesterday or today (it's summer and days run together). i watched it in bits today, in between doing the dishes, good day live, and finishing my grading.

it was my second silent film this week (the other being passion of joan of arc on friday at BPO -- good, but for a rave review ask holly) and i dug it. that max schrek is quite the vampire, let me tell you. very convincing and i just loved the whole thing anyway. i'm not much for the horror films of today, but i really like this one.

then, while processing, i remember back to my senior year of college when a friend of my was excited about willem defoe being in a movie about nosferatu. so i imdb-ed it to get the title and took the short walk to dvd dot and rented shadow of the vampire.

dude, that was super cool. willem defoe and john malkovich and a little cary elwes to appease my 13 yr old princess bride loving self. the final few scenes (esp. the last one) were a little overdone, and maybe not so convincing that f.w. murnau really did hire a vampire, but i say watch it -- if you haven't -- and tell me what you think.

hmmm... vampires.
i also had a dream last night that i was lending anne rice books to someone. this is a bit odd and goes in my book of coincidence. these themes appear for a reason.