Does this shit really work......


Ok, so like I said. I travel weekly for my job. I see a lot of funny shit in Airports, airplanes and in hotels. Over the last year or so I have realized one fucking thing. Ok two things, you can never drink too much on an airplane, and that guys really need to fucking pick up the quality of their pickup lines. Yes, there are many attractive women in airports. Wherever a large group of people gather, there will be attractive women. First I don't think most of these women want to be approached. Most of them are the working sort like myself and just want to get from point A to point B without being molsted or groped like some sort of Japenese Subway experience. If you are going to try and hit on a random woman who probably lives hundreds if not thousands of miles away you better pickup your fucking game.

Here is a brief synopsis of two experiences I have witnessed in the last 2 weeks.

Experience 1:

Attractive young lady sitting waiting at the gate. Goofy fedex guy (in shorts, nothing says successful like having a job where you wear shorts and carry a clipboard) comes strolling up next to here.

Fedex Guy: Hey, I just noticed how pretty you are, I mean very pretty. You are dressed so nice, i just couldn't help but notice you.

Girl: Oh, thank you, that's very nice. I do have a boyfriend.

At this point fedex guy should of taken a hike right??? ummm well he didn't.

Fedex Guy: (after some more small talk) Oh we went to the same high school. What year did you graduate?

Girl: 1993

Fedex Guy: Really? I graduated in 1994, but I got held back TWICE

Ok the conversation goes on a bit after this, but what the fuck. The guy at this point should of just said, wow 1993, well im a fucking retard with no motivation or real earning potential. I live in my moms basement and the only reason I unload trucks for fedex is because my parole agent is making me.

If you are going to hit on random women, at least make it good...or at least not scary...



PS.. I am too lazy to tell you about the other event..maybe later...

So yeah, my birthday is coming up and I will be 31 years old. That is my real age...but as most of you know when I am in chat rooms I am a 13 yr old cheerleader named Becky. Ok, not really but whatever. So I was thinking about my life and where I am at with it. I was thinking about what makes me happy and what I would like to change and how I perceive myself now, and how I will perceive myself in 10 years. My life is pretty unique I think. My normal evening consists of coming home and getting drunk on my couch. I am alone, but I am ok with that. I have grey goose vodka, my 101 inch television, and my laptop and internet porn. The only thing missing from my daily evening ritual is my self esteem.....wait, scratch that, I am arrogant so I have that too. I would much rather instant message people than have to deal with them in a one on one situation. At 31 I am just a single bachelor living the high life, but at 41 if I am doing the same things people will no longer perceive me as a single bachelor enjoying is freedom but will instead look at me as just a "lonely dude" who doesn't have any family or close friends. At 31 masturbating everyday to webcam videos I find online is just part of being single. At 41 masturbating to webcam videos online could be considered part of a government sting operation. I guess my point is that 10 years at my age can completely change people's perception of someone's actions or situation in life.



I really do not think about what I want from my life or where I want to be in 10 years. I have goals and plans for my life but none of them revolve around "personal" situations or relationships. I have solid goals for my professional life and my career. I have goals about what kind of a house I want to be living in and things I want to experience. I just do not have any lofty expectations for my personal life. I have a friend who is the same age as me. She is a very nice girl, but I realized how different we are. I had not spoken with her in a while and the other day I did. She advised me she had a new "boyfriend." So when I hear that term I understand it to mean a relationship. Now I know this person pretty well. She has a desire to be in a relationship as many people (especially women) do. So I said, great, how long have you been in this relationship. She said about a month. I then asked how long you dated him before you got into this relationship and she said a couple weeks. Now the asshole that I am, I decided to tell her she was ridiculous and that it wasn't really a relationship because they barely know each other. I mean, if she told me she knew the guy for a couple months and that she felt comfortable enough to let him pee on her or choke her till she almost passed out I would probably of felt better than having her tell me he was her boyfriend and they were in a relationship. I am not an asshole for thinking that but I guess I kind of feel like I shouldn't have verbalized it to her because she wasn't asking for my advice about the situation. I still feel 100 percent that that relationship is doomed from the start. There is no way in your 30's that you can know enough about a person or have enough connection with someone to be in a real relationship with someone after a couple weeks. It is just fucking impossible. Shit, I can barely tell if I don't hate a woman after a couple weeks let alone know if I want to be in a serious relationship with them.



I also had a conversation with a friend about how I interact with people. We were at a social situation together and afterwards she pointed out some really interesting things about how I interact with my friends and acquaintances. She pointed out that I only allow people in so far. I am an attention whore like a coed on spring break. I absolutely crave attention but when I have had my fill of it I have a way of distracting that attention away from me and only allowing people to get so close. Kind of a hooker who will allow you to punch her in the face for 50 bucks but won't kiss you because it's too personal. I am kind of like that hooker. You can punch me in the face all day long for 50 bucks but my tongue will never go in your mouth. Wow, I want to be a drunken midget and whore who loves self degradation. I guess all those years of therapy have not paid off...or have they???? J



I guess the point is, I am ok with all of this shit. I am ok with being the brunt of the joke if it makes people feel good and I am ok with being who I am and not letting people get close to me if I don't think they are the right fit. I am ok with all of this and I think I will be next year, and at 41. I am ok with being a drunken midget and a whore who doesn't kiss.....



No wonder I am single....

Sometimes I am not a dick...


Even assholes have feelings right? Yeah, so this is a bit unique for me. Normally what most people who know me see if much different from who I really am as a person. Well maybe I would say it was another major part of me. I am a jerk most of the time, but I am also a person who is very contemplative and introspective.

I am a generally happy guy. For most of you who know me I sincerely enjoy spending time by myself. I enjoy the independence I have and I enjoy my freedom. With that being said.......the holidays can make me a little sad.

I spend my holidays alone. My family and I live only 10 miles apart but we may as well be 10,000 miles apart. I don't spend the holidays with them and have learned to be ok with that. My holidays over the years have always been spent over a significant other's house. I really never recall spending it with my family. I think the reason I get bothered is not about the fact that I am spending them alone nevessarily. I mean I am sure I could find somewhere to spend it. I think the reason is bothers me is that the holidays remind me of my failures in my life. Holidays are designed to spend with love ones and family. Even though I enjoy being alone I can not escape thinking of that fact. It reminds me that I have failed in some way as a father because I am not with my son 100% of the time. I really wish I could of been. It brings up the fact that I have failed at many relationships. It takes two to ruin a relationship but there are always things you feel you could of done differently in your lives to make things better. The holidays are one time of the year I actually feel lonely when it comes around. I think being a little alonely around the holidays is pretty normal though in the grand scheme of things.

Would I like things to be different???.........yeah in a perfect world I would have them different..... Would I change my life or my choices in order to have made it better???....No I don't think I would.....I like where I am.....



Enough introspection...I will be back to being an asshole tomorrow.........

I am a Dick........


Ok, so I was in Washington DC this week. I spend most of my time in the hotel's lounge, eating getting drunk, and making random conversation with strangers. Most of the time it is just enough to pass the time but every now and then you meet an interesting person or have a funny experience.

I have realized I am a real dick. So I was in the lounge the other day having some dinner and talking to an airline pilot who was sitting next to me. He was a nice enough guy. He answered a lot of my questions about air travel and banging flight attendants (that is really what I was curious about). The funny part came in after I had 5 black and tans and 3 grey goose and tonics.

So after I was drunk I noticed this 40ish woman was sitting on the bar stool to the right of me for about 20 minutes. She was not that attractive. Very plain and just very average. No one was talking to her so I felt like I was going to be a nice guy and involve her in the converstation. (Yes, sometimes I do like to do nice things for people, or maybe it is just my desire for attention.) So I start talking to her, making small talk. "SO what are you at this hotel for, oh really wow great, etc etc etc....." The pilot started talking to her as well, but didn't seem very motivated. So I continued to make small talk for about 5 more minutes. I was in the middle of saying something funny (of course it was funny, it is me we are talking about) when she lifted up her hand, pointed to her wedding band and said, "Oh, I am married, HAPPILY MARRIED......." Then she continued to talk to me about her husband. Ok, I understand you talking about being married and your spouse if it is relevant to the converstation. This was not this woman's intent. Apparently, she wanted to let me know she was married because I was madly deeply, and intenesly, and passionately, in lust with her. Obviously this was not the case. So by now there were about 10 people at the bar looking at this woman and she rejected me (I didn't even realize I was doing something that should be rejected). I really didn't think about what I said next, it just kind of came out. I looked at her, and said, "Oh really, you are married???? I REALLY wasn't hitting on you. In fact when I search the internet for women to masturbate to I google Carmen Electra and not women who look like you, no really we can go and look on my laptop if you wish."



She looked at me with distain but I really think she had it coming for being so presumptuous................

EHarmony Can Suck It



We have all seen the commercials............ Two lonely people........meeting over the internet......falling in love because of this AWESOME screening system these fucks use.....getting married.......and living happily ever after. Sure...it could happen. I have seen these commercials too. What it really looks like to me is late 30'ish early 40'ish lonely woman, her mom is giving her shit because she has not produced any grand babies yet.......man, living in his mom's basement.....tired of whacking off while mom is upstairs..........you get the point.....



This site is totally bullshit. COULD two people meet on here and fall madly in love and live happily ever after? Sure they could...but I also so pretty woman, a hooker could fall in love with her john. Yeah, so they say they have this scary good personality screening software. Hey assholes.....I have news for you...people don't have to answer the questions honestly. No one is 100 percent honest in the beginning stages or meeting or getting to know someone anyways dipshits. I have news for you EHARMONY...I took that personality screening......it said I had feelings and shit....just ask all of my ex's....obviously this is a flawed system.



This entire site is about finding someone to get married to. If you are ONLY looking to get married you and your relationship is doomed. This kind of motivation leads to nothing positive in the long run and only sets you up for failure. I am tempted on making an EHARMONY profile that is completely ridiculous just to see what kind of desperation I get in return. You know something like......



"My name is Jason, I like long walks on the beach, talking until the sun comes up, cuddling and sexual asphyxiation. I like soft kisses, tender touches, and to be choked out to just before I lose consciousness. I am an active guy, I like to go hiking, running, working out, and chasing down hookers before they escape from that secret room under my house. I am a faithful mate who never cheats, although if you have a hot sister I would like to finger bang her from time to time. I just want to find a woman who understands and loves me for who I am, arrest record and all, and don't worry, the state of New York has made sure that I can no longer possess any firearms. That thing that happened in my last relationship won't happen again, my psychiatrist assures me I am "healthier". I like to spend time at home in the evenings instead of going out as my parole officer generally calls by 8 PM. Anyway... if this interests you and you want to marry me let me know. Thanks for stopping by..........."



Listen, I know this is over the top but you get the point...........





Ok so here are a few harmony "success pictures......






"We met for our first date and things went marvelously. From the beginning, there was a lot in common: we both had lived overseas for a period, love of grandchildren, music, sports and other things. The rest is history. We married on February 14, 2005 (yes, we are romantics) at a resort in Florida. Thanks eHarmony."

--Bob and Diane

Yeah, they had a lot in common, how about the fact that her uterus is shrivled and he has a limp member......awww true love......




"I really didn't think I would find the man I was looking for through eHarmony, but I found Sean and he is everything and more. We are alike on so many levels and our differences make us come together as one even more. Every day we spend together, our feelings keep growing more and more. eHarmony gave me a sense that the people here are looking for a committed relationship and no other website gave me that feeling. eHarmony matched me with Sean and I thank eHarmony for bringing us together."

--Stephanie and Sean

Yeah everyday your feelings keep growing more and more.....so does your dress size lady...good luck with your diabetes......





"Through eHarmony's guided communication process, we were able to get a really good sense of each other's personalities. When we met face to face, we felt like we already knew a lot about each other and the comfort level for both of us was very high. The structured introduction process that eHarmony uses allowed us to really find out about each other's important values and beliefs even before we went on our first date. Finally July 9, 2005, we started our life together as Husband and Wife. Thank you eHarmony for bringing us the love of our lives!"

--Steve and Maria

"Finally July 9, 2005, we started our life together as husband and wife. July 10, 2005 Maria got her green card." Aww how fucking romantic....



Ok...I guess I am not a hopeless romantic...oh well.......