I'm so tired of being sick and tired!!! Having two shoulder surgeries in 7 months and it being winter is having a major pull on my psyche right now!! If it's not bad enough the financial strain this whole thing has put on Heidi and I, the pain and boredom is killing me. When I had my first surgery it was at least summer so I could go and walk around, I would walk for hours and even went camping which helped with my therapy (more than I imagined) as well as allowing my body the constant exercise it's use to, helped keep my spirits up even though my whole world was falling apart at the same time. But, with this cold weather I can't go anywhere!! I can't go for a walk without falling or slipping (which isn't an option) I can't tie my own shoes, I can just now zip up my own jacket. I spend all day in the house in a recliner staring at the same 4 walls all day, occasionally I get out in the evening with (e:Heidi) and friends, but it's no where as active as my body needs!!

My body and mind are completely freaking out!! My body spas' all the time from lack of exercise, I stretch, do lunges and squats but there's not much else I can do INSIDE!! When I had my left shoulder done I had my dominant arm to do stuff, but with my right one down and the left not fully healed (no strength) I can't carry anything, it takes me 40 min. to get dressed, I can't shower fully without help, and feeding myself has turned into tv dinners (which my body is also not enjoying, looking for nourishment) With me be an avid athlete my whole life and to be tied down for almost 7 months and especially this past 1.5 months because of STUPID WINTER my mental state is constant fight!! I am not a person that gets depressed, I always find the bright side to everything and just push through the bad shit with a smile; because everyday is a gift and I plan to live it up. Right now I cry at least once a day and battle with not getting depressed, I find that I see and hear things said to me out of context, like the whole world is somehow against me!!

I have the greatest love I have ever had in my life with (e:Heidi); what a true gift and blessing she is in my life. I have the GREATEST group of friends that i truly love and feel abundantly blessed to have in my life, I enjoy seeing them even if all we're doing is hanging out. During this whole process I have never not felt the full love and support of my friends and especially my beautiful fiancee!! I have no reason to be depressed!! I got my ged and will be going to college, getting a bachelors degree so that I can do what I have always wanted to do "Help People" all of which I couldn't have done without (e:heidi) telling me I can do this and then showing me that I was able to do it....skies the limit!! Our life is going to be awesome and I just can't wait to get it going the way we want it to!!

I'm hoping by getting this off my chest this will help me to shake out my sillies!!! I want my physical life back, I want to get started on my new education and job, I want to start living the incredibly beautiful life that (e:heidi) want to and will have once things get back to normal. I know it's only a couple of more months, just sometimes it seems like the calendar year keeps going backwards instead of forward!!

I would like to personally thank all of my close, and dear friends for always being right there, being supportive and loving!!! I love y'all so very much and CAN'T wait for summer to come so we can go camping, swimming, hiking and playing sports!!

To my beautiful (e:Heidi); I know this has been just awful tough for you, from work, to financial crap, to taking care of me and just the household stuff it takes to run our home!! I am so unbelievably grateful for you, your support, your time and especially your love!!! I can't wait to be your butch/house boy again!! I can't wait to be able to hold you, sleep in bed, have those beautiful quiet moments in each others arms, fireflies, blankets of stars in the sky, hiking, camping, swimming and butterflies. It is only a couple of months before our life will be considerably less stressful and we can enjoy our life and building our future the way we want it to be!! I love you so very much and thank you for loving me the way you do!! <3 <3

My baby spoiled me for Christmas! I had to take pics of each gift because (e:) Heidi made each package so beautiful, it was hard to open them, so much time and love put into each wrapped gift! I have a whole new outfit, including socks, wallet, the coolest puzzle ever, a real buffalo hat that had changeable horns (I love it) and a couple gifts that are special to us! My mom sent (e:) Heidi a hat and scarf that she knitted, me a collectible pocket watch (I love collecting different watches) and sent us a vegetarian cook book that was my aunt Laura's :-), So special! I got her a glass turtle, a mug (she's been wanting a real nice/good mug) and a bracelet that had eternity loops around it!
Christmas is my favorite holiday and not so much one for (e:) Heidi, but she has made this a perfect Christmas for me! The best Christmas gift I could possibly ask for is to have (e:) Heidi in my life, to be building a life together! You are so precious to me and truly a gift!! I love you so much and thank you for making our first Christmas together a perfect one!

Last night (e:) Heidi, (e:) terry, (e:) Joe and (e:) Alexandra went to a Christmas party at Natasha and John's house. We had a great time, are great food, cookies, lots of alcohol and mad gab for the game! We then hit Nietzsche's for a final drink before calling it a night. Pics taken at Nietszche's by two random guys who in turn wanted a pic of each other! What a great way to bring in Christmas eve with friends! I love you guys for real, my buffalo family!!

My beautiful new winter boots! I have been having a HELL of a time getting warm and this year (e:) Heidi got me all squared away with a new warm jacket, gloves and now my new boots! I am finally warm!! Thank you my beautiful fiancee!!

Didn't take many pics of the party, but here are the ones I did get.

(e:) Heidi and I were Blair and Jo from "The Facts of Life" Finally the get together!!

Love Miley Cyrus and Tanya's makeup was awesome although her eyes were creepy but cool, it was hard to look at her and hold a conversation lol

So Halloween means a lot to me as anniversaries are concerned. It was the first time that (e:Heidi) and I kissed, as well as the first time I met all the people I can now call friends!!

I received a mysterious invitation last year for a Halloween party. I decided to go seeing as I knew almost nobody here in Buffalo and the idea of joining the "meetup" was to meet people and make friends. When I arrived (with my friend Suzanne) at the "24" I was greeted by a guy with nothing on but a patch of fur covering his privates and I think were bear ears ((e:Paul)) Within minutes of arriving I saw (e:Heidi) come down the stairs in a prom dress (OMG)!! Within a few minutes Mer and Lana arrived so, counting Suzanne I actually only knew 3 people. By the time the night was over, I had made so many friends it was awesome! So this year I am looking around at the party and realized that last year I had a handful of friends (actually less than a handful) and now I have so many friends; and actual friends, that I can't count them with both hands!! SO HAPPY ANNIVERSARY TO ALL OF MY FRIENDS!!!

Where (e:Heidi) comes in to this is a great story:
When I joined the "meetup" I consistently looked for (e:Heidi) at events; I wanted to meet the organizer of the group. I finally met her at Babeville for a comedy show. I immediately was attracted to her; between her eyes and smile, just captivating! But she barely noticed me. I saw her again at the first Ambush, offered to buy her a drink but instead she bought me one, I thought cool now were getting somewhere, however, she quickly started to chat with her friends so I went to dance, then the party was leaving and she didn't come, Boo!! The next time I saw her was at the Annual Picnic for the meetup, however, she didn't even notice I existed...Again!! After this I had pretty much given up on her noticing me, or if she had noticed me, she surely didn't like me. I was at gaming one night and Mer was giving me crap for not going to "Beer Club" told me something like "you're not one of the cool kids if you don't come" I heard "You're a loser if you don't go" lol, so I went to beer club in October and guess who was there???? Yep, (e:Heidi), but this time she noticed me and a lot!! She kept smiling at me and I could feel her staring at me the whole night; so cute!! Of course I was also smiling at her and trying to catch her eye all evening; I had been trying for a couple months and now finally-I exist!! :-) With this comes the "mysterious" invitation to the Halloween Party, and that night, or should I say the next morning around 2am we kissed for the first time on the porch of the 24! It was the most amazing kiss ever, I knew I was hooked immediately!! There is something to be said about a "kiss" The story of "Us" is an awesome story and I will have to write it up one day so that we never forget it.

What a year it has been!! Happy Anniversary to all my friends and to my Beautiful Butterfly!!!

Every time we come to Bloss I have to get a stromboli from the acorn, it's SO good!!!

I love coming to Bloss with (e:) Heidi!! I don't know how it's possible to continuously keep falling deeper in love with her, but it just keeps happening with us! She got to see her nephew again (so cute), I got to meet her dad and will meet mom at the festival Sunday, her and Jill worked on last minute preparations for the fall festival while I hung out! The festival is Sunday and I can't wait! I love us!!

I brought China a bed that Buckshot didn't like, and since we got rid of her chair she needed a replacement, she loves it!

I made it through the surgery and still have a little of the nerve block in me so not feeling too terrible at the moment.

(e:Heidi) ess of course with me all day, she got up at some awful hour and we were off to surgery, cane back to the back with me before and after surgery;I do loved that! I know it wasn't easy for her and with (e:terry) not being here with her for support too.....she did a fantastic job and I was so happy to have her by my side.
It has been a really crazy time for us especially this past couple weeks, but this past week with so much chaos she was outstanding! I honestly know I couldn't have done this without her and ironically I wouldn't have wanted to!

I love how we work so well together no matter what it is, we work through chaotic situations well together, it really seems like no matter what is thrown at us we somehow manage to tackle it great together!!

Thank you for being you my love!