When I started my first professional gig at 22 years of age, I got to work with a bunch of interesting characters who influence me even today. Looking back at that period in my life, it was a great work environment with lots of smart, motivated people.

One of these characters was a salesman who had long hair, a BMW convertible, and a carefree, "I don't give a shit" demeanor about him which I greatly admired. He was an author and a traveler. A worldly, flawed, independent person. I was a naive, wide-eyed kid who got to hang out with the older guys.

This man wrote a literary non-fiction novel, loosely based upon his career, and, of course I was a minor character in the book. He gave me a signed copy of the book and wrote inside of it "Stay gold, Ponyboy" which confused me. Was he breaking my balls? Complimenting me? I appreciated the gift but not knowing what he meant, put it at the back of my mind and sort of forgot about it until tonight.

For some reason or another this quote came up in conversation tonight while hanging out with some friends. I learned it was from a book, The Outsiders by S.E. Hinton. The discussion rejuvenated these decade old memories of my early adulthood so I went home to learn about the book and in particular the blurb my friend wrote to me.

I learned something interesting....he was telling me to stay how I was, to stay innocent. Here I was, at 22, wishing I was more like he was in some ways, and he wanted for me to not change my nature. There was something good in it.

It is fascinating how the universe gives you what you need at the right time again and again. Here I was today, at the peak of my depression and bitterness over what happened with Josh and my ex-girlfriend, wondering whether those things were going to overcome my happy go lucky outlook on life. Yet the message was repeated to me at a time when I was ready to understand it. Stay how you are, Jason. You're fine as-is. Things come full circle. Amazing.

That's what I always tell people when they take a kick to the groin in life. Yes, what you've heard is true - Joshua passed away on Tuesday in his hotel room in De Pere, Wisconsin. I don't know the official cause of death yet, and I would rather not discuss the details, but you can be sure it was natural causes.

I check this site now and again during the work week and I appreciate the kind gestures toward my brother. I'm not sure if he ever made it clear enough to you, so I'm motivated to say it on his behalf. Labels meant nothing to him. He found something to admire in all of you and enjoyed spending time with you as well.

The details about the memorial service, etc, are on Lee's journal.

As for me, I would never be daft enough to claim I'm unaffected. I don't need to tell you how important he was to me. This is a disaster and I have not even begun to suffer. It's comforting to know I have so many good people sending good vibes.

Some of you have written to me and I am not ignoring you! I've been trying to respond to people but I've also had a lot of really unpleasant shit to do so I haven't had enough time to respond properly. Don't worry - I'll get back to you.

Much Love
Jason

It's time to get my hairs cut once again. I still hate salons more than the dentist office. I'd like to have a style but I just don't want to set foot in one of those places. So what's a guy to do? I'll likely be buzzing my head again.

When my friend got married, and I had a giant unkempt mop on top of my head, I went with Josh to a salon on Hertel to get a trim. I'm not naming the place because I don't want to make it sound like I'm down on that one place, but in general I think going to the salon is not a lot of fun.

I feel like you go there to be judged. The vibe was really uncomfortable. In general, I think the fashion/style universe reflects the absolute worst in us, and doesn't have a ton of value to me, which probably colored my perception of being in the salon. I didn't like it and couldn't wait to leave.

Who knew that going to the salon was worse than going to the dentist's office? This was the first professional cut I got since 1998. My trim was fine, okay, no complaints there. I think it is true that a good cut makes you feel good, a little self esteem booster. Still, maybe a salon isn't the place for me, given my negative take on it.

Maybe I should stay home and continue to buzz my own hair off. It isn't a style, but I don't have to go to the salon. I can save the money for what amounts to a glass or two of wine + an appetizer when going out. Or maybe I just prefer a male stylist, or maybe I just have proximity issues with strangers. No matter what, I don't see myself going back to a salon any time soon.

I just read a Facebook friend talk about how you haven't lived until you've used some fattening app on a baby.

Man, if THAT is what it takes to "live" then I don't think you're taking advantage of life. I think you haven't lived until you've had sex in a public park. Maybe my standards are different than everyone else's.

Actually, I don't know if you're living at all if you're stuck in a concrete jungle, barely scraping by every month, living vicariously through rich people, slaves to trends and decisions you had nothing to do with.

Yeah, sounds wonderful. Actually, I enjoy living vicariously through people who maintain some kind of connection with nature. I love the photos posted by Paul and others from various spots in the wild.

If I were so inclined I would post a brief video, at a table on Canandaigua Lake, slight breeze, boats going by, a brief glimpse of my girlfriend. I think I'm living. Are you?