I have just realized a world of time has elapsed since my most recent post. I did go in for my Litotripsy on April 21st, 2010 and had a very enjoyable experience even though I was attempting to get ri of physical matter in my kidney. The nurses were wonderful. Everyone took such good car of me. I had to remember to take it easy and not over due especially when dealing with pain medication. It is easy to over do it.

I followed up with my urologist after x-rays to discover I am stone free! Yeah, Kidneys!

I then had to figure out how I was going to pay all the medical bills, so was on the hunt for another part-time job. I found Census 2010. I began training and working shortly after the surgery. So I have been extremely busy working two jobs.

I was so proud of myself to get all my bills paid with my temporary job to find out that I may still have one or two still outstanding. I have to call and straighten out this week.

I went to go see Legion with (e:springfaerie) on Saturday. It was good. We ended up going to the 7:45pm show versus the 6:45pm show because they were crazy mobbed with people. So we headed over to Borders. I had a gift card from christmas and was looking around. My students told me that Percy Jackson and the Olympians is really good. But I was torn. I also have been reading a Lois Lowry Trilogy: The Giver, Gathering Blue and The Messenger. I also wanted to get the Wolvesbane and Mistelltoe Anthonlogy, but they only had the hard copy and I did not want to use my $25 gift card on 1 book. So I asked if they had the softcover. Yes, but we could not find one. I noticed another Anthology called Strange Brew. I did get a cool tiger calendar for my classroom.

We ended up heading home afterward. I watched one skater and fell asleep on the couch. Go figure.

“Why do Artists sometimes take years to complete a work of art?”
    
    I was asked this question shortly after graduating from college with my completed bachelors degree. I was personally at a loss for the answer to the question, because of lack of experience. Art was always something I wanted to do and no one ever really had to force me to complete any of my assignments in art. I too, had asked myself the same question about some artists that are considered masters in the art world. Still the answer to which I had no real comprehension of the context that can create the tides of an artist’s life, as I was still a student.
    My life offered me many opportunities this one comes with becoming an art educator. I began to look at how, not just what information is disseminated to the student. What does the student need to know? What does the student need to learn? What would the student identify with? I began to research for my students and not just for myself on each lesson I brought to my classroom. Each lesson plan had a life of its own, exploring artists as people, the context of their lives, and what they inspired through their artwork. Art History has always been a thorn in my side, my Achilles’ heel if you will. I decided to take a spoonful of sugar with my regular dose of art history and find out the beauty of the artist as well as the beauty of the product the artists creates.
    Life being the thorough educator, also gave me an experience of my own which gave me many answers to the question above. The experience of an injured spine that, by itself can continue to fill pages and volumes of my own personal journals, so we will leave the details of that aside. Several things have to be considered when asking about why did it take so long to create?
    â€œIt will be finished when it is finished” is what Michelangelo said to the Pope while working on the Sistine Chapel. Art is the equivalent of conceiving, incubation, delivery, raising and educating a child into an adult. Only the art knows for sure when it has reached completion. We have trouble with this context, because most main events in our lives are determined by an outside source. Age, Gender, Race, Religion and Economics all ingredients in the mixture, for example we start school by the age of five. That does not mean we as an individual is ready to start school at five, some maybe ready earlier or later, this is the mean or guideline as to when a child should begin to start school. These rules and guidelines are there to help us live in society. I am a girl and therefore I should wear a dress and learn to become a lady. I am a boy and therefore I should wear pants and learn to become a man. And each label give a set a rules or standards to live by. Anthropologically speaking art is a bi-product of a civilized society. When we have time to reflect about how we live about our daily lives culture becomes refined and the Arts are born within that social structure. Art lives outside of the box.
    Sometimes the reason is within the artist, unbeknown to him or her, they have something that must be learned, experienced or mastered before the art can reach completion. Sometimes it is a skill, or a new perspective, most of the time it has to do with living and coming to an understanding. These abstract concepts are much harder to perceive, learn and possess mastery of before completing the product of that education.
    â€œI Spy With My Little Eye A Butterfly?” is an acrylic painting that was started in 2003. I completed the painting in 2009. I still do not think it is finished, but that is my humble opinion. It is finished for the moment and is hanging on my bedroom wall. Every morning I do not work at my job, I ask myself is it finished? And the answer is no. Yet, when I ask myself what I need to do next? The answer is the same, I do not know. SIGH. So I wait until the answer comes and the desire to complete what has yet to be finished tells me to get my paints and complete it.

January 21st, 2010 awake at 12:30am to pee. I crawl back in bed. I just get comfortable and a burning pain begins and I need to pee again. So I get up and pee, this time it really hurts. I proceed to have increasing pain and cramping on my left side. I start what I like to call the cold sweats because I was sweating but I was far from warm. I was nauseated. I began to push my fluids. 1 Liter. Another Liter. The pain is stil causing problems and it has been two hours. I called the nurses emegency line for my doctor and got a nurse to return my call. I followed medical advise and the pain began to ebb slowly and aroun 5:30am I could crawl back into bed really, really exhausted. I had to call in sick to work. I would call the doctor's office in the morning when they opened to find out what to do next. I realized I had a kidney stone in my left kidney.

January 22, 2010 after work I headed to the doctor's office my pcp wanted to get a better look at me since it would take 2 weeks to see the urologist. I definately had a problem. The pain was still there and I was really tender. I began to think, when was the last time I had a kideny stone. 1999. Over ten years ago, I must have been doing something right. We decide to get pain pills and a sonogram to rule out kidney stones, just in case.

February 1, 2010 I go first thing in the morning for the earliest appointment I could get because I was not supposed to eat or drink anything. I got my sonogram. The technician was really nice but showed me this roundish thing the size of a green pea on the screen in my kidney. I was posiive I had a stone. I was told that without a shadow that the test was inconclusive.

February 5, 2010 I finally see the urologist. I pee in a cup. I answer a million or so questions. I fill out forms. Since I have not had a stone in a long time I go back to being a new patient. SIGH. I see a new doctor. I just want to confirm what my gut tells me - that I have a kdney stone. I am still in pain and discomfort on a daily basis. We discuss the fact that the sonogram is nonconclusive. What test will give us the correct answer? A CAT SCAN, I'm allergic to cats! Ok. I have to have the nurse schedule one and she will call me.

She calls me. After numerous phone calls I have an appointment. SIGH.

February 15, 2010 Cat Scan went smoothly. I was completely tired that day and took the rest of the day off to read and nap alternately. Daily pain can make you really tired.

February 18, 2010 I wake up and I am completely grumpy and irrasible, I also share this infrmation with all who ask. I go back to the urologist. I pee in a cup. I see a middle level physicans assistant whom I really discover I dislike. The Cat Scan confirms I have a 6 mm stone in my left kidney. I am relieved finally proof of my gut! He decides that the pain i am in is skeletal-muscular and I am not taking my pain meds correctly. I argue since I have been an athelete for a better part of my existance I explained in grave detail why I disagreed. Well, then we are going to put you on a diet because you have an abundance of this kind of stone. I'm like REALLY?! Have you read my chart? He looks slightly confused. He is only holding two pieces of paper in his hands. I inform him of my urological history. This is my 33rd stone since I was diagnosed in my early 20's. I make all five kinds of stones. I am allergic to 1 of the 5 pain medication families. I went in for emergency treatment due to being on pain medication so that when I had to pass the stone, pain meds did not work on me. After 19 1/2 hours of pain, I learned a very valuable lesson, do not abuse pain medication if you want it to work when you really need it. SO. Now that we know I have a stone and it is too large to pass on its own. AND it is causing me to have blood in my urine and pain in my side, WHAT are WE going to do about MY problem? Then I am treated to palpitations of my kidneys. Right - can you keep doing that, it feels good. Left - OOOOOOOOOOOOO, still holding my breath, IT REALLY HURTS! Well, you need to have an x-ray done to determine the next course of treatment. Really? YES. Okay.

I go to eat lunch with my mother at IHOP on the way to the hospital to get an x-ray. I need to take a pain pill. I have the cold sweats again. I am in and out of the bathroom for the better part of an hour. Finally we head to the hospital.

I get the x-ray taken at the hospital. They will have the information in a day or two.

February 23, 2010 I am watching the Olympics and enjoying a good book during the commercials covered up on the couch. When out of no where I am in extreme pain. .5 - 1 - 2 - 3 - 4 - 4 - 4... staring to reach toward five. I drink, gulp water at last 8 oz. I try to stretch my body to lay flat. I am having a hard time taking a deep breath due to the pain. I focus on my breathing and slow down and try to relax my muscles. Finally after about 5 minutes the pain went back down to .5. I went back to reading and watching tv. I dozed off for about an hour after the episode of pain and then I put myself to bed with the firm notion I need to talk to a doctor and soon.

February 24, 2010 I am on the phone off an on all day trying to find out what the next course of action is supposed to be. Yes, my symptoms are still the same. Answer more questions. The urologist will review my charts and tell me the next course of action. I wait. Have I mentioned I hate waiting? Strong words, but true. I have to schedule a cystoscopy. I schedule the cystoscopy. I am nervous and constantly reminded by the pain that it is not going to go away on its own.

Over the last ten years I have gone through a series of friends. I have decided this has been weighing on my conscious so I thought it time to write it out. Each friendship was a unique experience and as all real relationships have their ups and downs. Their where moments of ecstasy; moments of hum drum mundanity; moments of tempers flaring; moments of pure bliss and contentment. There were always emotional moments filled with passion and love in every one of those relationships. Or at least that is my perspective. Even within the power of love there is loss and grieving. For each unique individual that friendship is a moment in my life, good, bad or indifferent, I chose to get close to these individuals.
    I may explore in a future moment each individual, but I think it is the weight of the quantity. See I have always had this belief that friends are golden. Special people should never disappear without a cause or a reason. I have recently had to explore the idea that people serve a purpose and then leave, a new nuance for me to learn about in the genre of friendships. The weight comes with the quantity of people. Uncle Ray used to say about my eccentric behavior exhibited at quite an early age; “She is either too stubborn to quit or is too stupid to know the difference.” Sometimes I think there is an interesting recipe constantly under revision that creates me and there seems to always be a little bit of both.
    So my first response was what did I do wrong? Second thought was how do I fix it? And inevitably came the-what if there is nothing I can do? I then came to the perspective of: you can only control how you feel about a situation, so I began focusing on what I could change and do something about that. In retrospect, I began to zoom out and try to perceive the larger picture. My best friend gave me another concept: “Some Friends Have Expiration Dates.” Some people are there to help you through one thing and then move along. Which triggered another reverie about “Eyes are the Windows to the Soul, but how can we see ourselves?” I answered this question in college by realizing that we are all constantly evolving into the best possible “US” we can be, ideally. So each person is a mirror into the Soul of the Viewer. We see that part of ourselves that is similar to that which we reflect to others. We bring about the part of the personality of the Soul in an individual that has the best receptivity to our own and vice versa. So as we navigate the “Path” of our lives, people reflect that which we both love and dislike about ourselves. I choose for these last ten years to work on the part of dislike. When I was a child it bothered me as to why people did not like others. I then was faced with not liking someone myself. I then had to ask myself how am I like or similar to this person and began to work on the person I wanted to become. All these experiences have taught me to become the person I wanted to be. These ideas are all very important knowledge to have learned. Yet, each time I always worked on myself. I hope I have offered others something in return for their time and energy while they were in my life. The concept of reciprocity has always been important to me.
    My Best Friend reminding me that these people came into my life for the time we shared a common interest or goal. This is where the expiration date comes, just like death you never know when it might be coming, but it seems to be an inevitable fact of life. So then there levels of importance for every relationship, but how do you know how to prioritize without being able to look at the end? Death is different in the time expired, because that soul has moved onto another plane of existence. Here, when the friendship expires we still live in the same city, you still know each other’s address, you still have each other’s phone number and yet the window of opportunity has ended.