For the past 6 weeks or so I've noticed chest pains whenever I get overwhelmed with stress. It's really weird - kind of like a rock the size of a softball has been planted where your heart should be.
Today my heart seemed to be throbbing quite a bit and I started to feel the pain again, so I went home from work early and laid down. It seems that once the weird stuff starts, it has a hard time letting it go... kind of like yours truly and grudges.
In other words, I'm having trouble facing up to the fact that I should see a doctor. I worry about hearing bad news, although I know that one has got to gulp down the bad news whole and face the facts. What do you suppose a doctor is going to do to me when I tell them that I'm a 31 year old guy that has a medical history of on and off treatment for hypertension (160/100) diagnosed since age 18, and that here and there I'm getting chest pain?
Bleh.
Joshua's Journal
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01/20/2010 22:31 #50870
My Health01/18/2010 10:35 #50845
Back to walk (fly) the earthHmm, this might be my first mobile entry. Long story short - I am going back to SF for work again. Three days in SF, one day in Sacramento and a redeye back home.
01/13/2010 15:32 #50810
Why I left the GOPIt is because I cannot relate to social conservatism or the ridiculous machinations of phonies like Pat Robertson. Wanna get sick? Click the link and watch -
Pat Robertson - you are a fucking disgrace to Christianity and to humanity in general. We've got thousands dead because of an earthquake - a legitimate catastrophe - and all you can think about is your objection to voodoo? You've lost, or perhaps never understood, the concept of God's grace. You are the very embodiment of what it means to be a disservice to that which you claim to be.
When I think of Christians I think of people like Drew Ludwig, not some rich, bigoted, racist white guy who occasionally comes down from his multimillion dollar mansion to let us know exactly how shitty the world is outside of his fascist Christian mindset. Pat Robertson makes Drew's work all that much harder because when outright lunatics like Pat Robertson speak their mind, guess who is unfairly left to explain away the nonsense?
You know what - some day I might have a kid out of wedlock. Who knows? It isn't outside of the realm of possibility. If so, I would never tolerate a man like Pat Robertson telling ME that my child is somehow lesser in God's eyes. I don't even think Pat Robertson has a connection to God any longer, if he ever did.
I cannot describe in words how much I loathe people like Pat Robertson. So tell me Pat, how is this tirade advancing the Lord's work? The answer is that it does not - you're a discombobulated old fool. Yep, St. Peter is going to be happy the day he meets you. I'm sure he'll be fascinated with the message you've been spreading all these years. Pat Robertson - you aren't a Christian at all, from my perspective.
Pat Robertson - you are a fucking disgrace to Christianity and to humanity in general. We've got thousands dead because of an earthquake - a legitimate catastrophe - and all you can think about is your objection to voodoo? You've lost, or perhaps never understood, the concept of God's grace. You are the very embodiment of what it means to be a disservice to that which you claim to be.
When I think of Christians I think of people like Drew Ludwig, not some rich, bigoted, racist white guy who occasionally comes down from his multimillion dollar mansion to let us know exactly how shitty the world is outside of his fascist Christian mindset. Pat Robertson makes Drew's work all that much harder because when outright lunatics like Pat Robertson speak their mind, guess who is unfairly left to explain away the nonsense?
You know what - some day I might have a kid out of wedlock. Who knows? It isn't outside of the realm of possibility. If so, I would never tolerate a man like Pat Robertson telling ME that my child is somehow lesser in God's eyes. I don't even think Pat Robertson has a connection to God any longer, if he ever did.
I cannot describe in words how much I loathe people like Pat Robertson. So tell me Pat, how is this tirade advancing the Lord's work? The answer is that it does not - you're a discombobulated old fool. Yep, St. Peter is going to be happy the day he meets you. I'm sure he'll be fascinated with the message you've been spreading all these years. Pat Robertson - you aren't a Christian at all, from my perspective.
jason - 01/14/10 14:04
Josh check out front page of NRO. For the first time I'm considering sending them money.
Josh check out front page of NRO. For the first time I'm considering sending them money.
jason - 01/14/10 13:56
The people who actually believe the curse, the pact with the devil, they never consider that pointing that tidbit out when people are dying is inappropriate or insensitive. I tried to get one person in particular to understand this very obvious point, but they wouldn't, so I'm not really hearing any bullshit from those types. There is no reasoning with the unreasonable.
The people who actually believe the curse, the pact with the devil, they never consider that pointing that tidbit out when people are dying is inappropriate or insensitive. I tried to get one person in particular to understand this very obvious point, but they wouldn't, so I'm not really hearing any bullshit from those types. There is no reasoning with the unreasonable.
joshua - 01/14/10 13:26
Yep, I think it would be appropriate for other Christians to come out and condemn him. And it can't be liberal minded Christians, it has to be amongst his own, or someone like him. Nobody will care if it comes from people like Jim Wallis.
With respect to the GOP and a lot of conservative commentators - they REFUSE to criticize Pat Robertson! Everybody knows what he said was bat shit crazy, but do not hold your breath waiting for Sean Hannity and the like to speak up. The best you can hope for would be a statement like "Well, I certainly disagree with his viewpoint but I know Pat Robertson and there isn't a hateful bone in his body." Actually I think I disagree - he seems fairly hateful to me.
Yep, I think it would be appropriate for other Christians to come out and condemn him. And it can't be liberal minded Christians, it has to be amongst his own, or someone like him. Nobody will care if it comes from people like Jim Wallis.
With respect to the GOP and a lot of conservative commentators - they REFUSE to criticize Pat Robertson! Everybody knows what he said was bat shit crazy, but do not hold your breath waiting for Sean Hannity and the like to speak up. The best you can hope for would be a statement like "Well, I certainly disagree with his viewpoint but I know Pat Robertson and there isn't a hateful bone in his body." Actually I think I disagree - he seems fairly hateful to me.
janelle - 01/14/10 13:09
Yes, James, I was referring to the Christian tent and the need for other in the tent to tell him to STFU.
I was trying to indirectly reflect that in Christianity we're in a tent with a lot of other wackos and we're forced to deal with it head on as opposed to leaving the tent. If that makes sense...
Yes, James, I was referring to the Christian tent and the need for other in the tent to tell him to STFU.
I was trying to indirectly reflect that in Christianity we're in a tent with a lot of other wackos and we're forced to deal with it head on as opposed to leaving the tent. If that makes sense...
joshua - 01/14/10 12:24
Hehe. Well, to be fully and completely honest I really don't think there is room for me in the Democratic Party at all, based on their current agenda. I don't see any moderate Democrats whatsoever in Congress, nor do I see Democrats in any more positive light than Republicans. The idea of a big tent in either direction is a myth. I'm thoroughly disgusted with our politics and I cannot see myself aligning myself with a political party for a while.
Hehe. Well, to be fully and completely honest I really don't think there is room for me in the Democratic Party at all, based on their current agenda. I don't see any moderate Democrats whatsoever in Congress, nor do I see Democrats in any more positive light than Republicans. The idea of a big tent in either direction is a myth. I'm thoroughly disgusted with our politics and I cannot see myself aligning myself with a political party for a while.
james - 01/14/10 11:40
Janelle, Which tent are you talking about?
From what I know about your politics (which, admittedly isn't much. But what I have heard seems very sensible). You don't strike me as someone that shares much in common with current Republican party ideology.
Now, if we are talking about a big tent of Christians regardless of party we have a different story. But, if you could kick him in the shins and ask him to not sully the name of his god so often I would appreciate it. :)
Janelle, Which tent are you talking about?
From what I know about your politics (which, admittedly isn't much. But what I have heard seems very sensible). You don't strike me as someone that shares much in common with current Republican party ideology.
Now, if we are talking about a big tent of Christians regardless of party we have a different story. But, if you could kick him in the shins and ask him to not sully the name of his god so often I would appreciate it. :)
janelle - 01/14/10 09:39
Lol @ James. Well, Drew and I stand under the same tent as that "stinking shit-wreck" along with a whole lot of other Christians. Some of us in the tent need to stop letting him be the most prominent spokesman for our tent, though! It would be terrific if a prominent Christan would privately and then publicly take him to task. I'm sure a lot of ministers will be taking him to task from the pulpit, but it will only be preaching to the choir, in many instance.
And yes, Joshua, he does make Drew and I job's harder, so feel free to join us in the fight!
Lol @ James. Well, Drew and I stand under the same tent as that "stinking shit-wreck" along with a whole lot of other Christians. Some of us in the tent need to stop letting him be the most prominent spokesman for our tent, though! It would be terrific if a prominent Christan would privately and then publicly take him to task. I'm sure a lot of ministers will be taking him to task from the pulpit, but it will only be preaching to the choir, in many instance.
And yes, Joshua, he does make Drew and I job's harder, so feel free to join us in the fight!
james - 01/14/10 08:43
I try not to be a bad Democrat and lump all Republicans together. But how anyone can stand under the same big tent as thank stinking shit-wreck is beyond me.
And remember, there is always room for you in the Democrat Party ^_~
I try not to be a bad Democrat and lump all Republicans together. But how anyone can stand under the same big tent as thank stinking shit-wreck is beyond me.
And remember, there is always room for you in the Democrat Party ^_~
metalpeter - 01/13/10 18:36
I didn't watch the video but you make a great point. Every Faith system if you look at it seems a little bit crazy. But to be honest if you where not of the faith you are and you where to look at your faith it would look crazy. See this is what these wack jobs don't get. They think that because some doesn't follow their thoughts that they are trash. I agree that the crazy people make the regular people look bad faith wise. I wish I read the article but in today's Buffalo News the Vatican Critixed Avatar. My first thought was wow hasn't it been out for a few weeks why so late they like to attack them before they are out and before anyone has seen them. It just goes and shows are crazy they are.
I didn't watch the video but you make a great point. Every Faith system if you look at it seems a little bit crazy. But to be honest if you where not of the faith you are and you where to look at your faith it would look crazy. See this is what these wack jobs don't get. They think that because some doesn't follow their thoughts that they are trash. I agree that the crazy people make the regular people look bad faith wise. I wish I read the article but in today's Buffalo News the Vatican Critixed Avatar. My first thought was wow hasn't it been out for a few weeks why so late they like to attack them before they are out and before anyone has seen them. It just goes and shows are crazy they are.
iriesara - 01/13/10 17:18
Amen!
Amen!
01/12/2010 19:49 #50807
OuchieYesterday we were trying to figure out where to take Dad for food - a stroke of brilliance revealed Lagniappes - Dad would love it!
So, we stood for 10 minutes telling Dad how much we love this place, how the food is great and we'd be positive that he'd enjoy it. I told him about the full alligator roast he used to do, how you can smell the restaurant all around the block, thus suffocating and negating that other ridiculous and contrived spot on the corner. Hey Jay, let's get the takeout menu and put together our order! Man, I haven't had this in a while Dad, I can't wait!
Oh, hey, are they open today?
FYI, Lagniappes is closed on Mondays!
What a hilarious and spectacular letdown.
So, we stood for 10 minutes telling Dad how much we love this place, how the food is great and we'd be positive that he'd enjoy it. I told him about the full alligator roast he used to do, how you can smell the restaurant all around the block, thus suffocating and negating that other ridiculous and contrived spot on the corner. Hey Jay, let's get the takeout menu and put together our order! Man, I haven't had this in a while Dad, I can't wait!
Oh, hey, are they open today?
- SCREEEEEEEEECCCCCCCCCHHHHHHH***
FYI, Lagniappes is closed on Mondays!
What a hilarious and spectacular letdown.
lilho - 01/12/10 23:41
i hate that. my fav taco place was closed for a while... open again!
i hate that. my fav taco place was closed for a while... open again!
12/31/2009 14:00 #50705
2010I'd make resolutions, but what is the point? They are only aspirations with mostly feeble commitments behind them... so I suppose I've resolved to admit the pointlessness and tedium behind New Year's resolutions once and for all!
All I'd like is for this next year to be better than the last. I can't wait to see what that all means, but really what I'm hoping for is something good to happen to me that I cannot imagine right now.
All I'd like is for this next year to be better than the last. I can't wait to see what that all means, but really what I'm hoping for is something good to happen to me that I cannot imagine right now.
tinypliny - 01/01/10 05:09
In contrast, I have so many resolutions, I am having a hard time keeping count. I think the whole fun is making so many resolutions that its fun to revel in your own mediocrity after a while.
In contrast, I have so many resolutions, I am having a hard time keeping count. I think the whole fun is making so many resolutions that its fun to revel in your own mediocrity after a while.
(serious and messing with you a bit). See if you worry about going to the doctor and get all upset then your heart will pound and then that will worry you and it will never end so I say find something that mellows you out it is natural and every thing will be fine, ha. Seriously though that idea is from the fact that people who get panic attacks sometimes give them selves panic attacks. They think what if I go out some place and something freaks me out, then the thought that might happen causes a Panic Attack. I say find I doctor and just say something like "I'm young and so I never really go to the doctor like I should" I'm sure I good doctor will get that, and ad "I'm only here cause this is freaking me out". Hey get it checked out if it is a heart problem it is better to know and be able to deal with it, and if it isn't maybe they have something that will help make you better.
Josh, just go get checked out. Statistically, the chances of you having some serious cardiac issue are slim. Not none, but slim. I.e. chances are he will not have any horrible news for you. Lots of things can cause chest pain, including indigestion and anxiety/stress.
If you find out it's nothing bad- that in itself will probably make you feel better. And if, god forbid, it is bad- well then you can start taking care of it.
But really. Just go get it off your chest.
(har har, couldn't resist)
Hope you get better, heart problems are so scary. I was obsessed with my blood pressure for a while. You should get one of those home blood pressure measurers, then you can see what affects it and try and compensate.
I had similar symptoms, and it turned out to be just gas in my stomach compressing my lungs. Then I'd feel anxious over thinking something was wrong with my heart and get weird palpitations and feel faint.
Not that I am you, or that you shouldn't go to the doctor -- you totally should -- but in my case I just had to stop eating sugary food in big quantities. No more gassy lung pressure ^_^ or pseudo heart attack / anxiety attacks.
Hope you feel better :)