So I just did something that could either make my life infinitely worse and more difficult or infinitely better or I guess it could change nothing. We will see what happens. It is private so no details here but I am super nervous about it right now. It really could break me if it goes horribly wrong....but I felt I had to do it or else things would just continually spiral downward in the situation. We'll see how it turns out.....wish me luck...

For some reason for the last few days I just can't get enough pop from cans. I never drink pop out of cans, i rarely drink pop outside of restaurants/bars but lately i just want pop out of cans like whoa. I am unsatiable. Maybe it is the taste of future alzheimers from the aluminum that whets my appetite and addicts me but i seriously love it. Oh and of course using a straw to drink it! OOOH IT IS DELISH!!

So when I walked to the downtown library as mentioned in my previous post I took out 2 books and 2 movies. One movie was for my mom and the other was Sunset Blvd which I always wanted to see. I also took out 2 books. One called Let it Be True which is a novel about soicalites in texas who have no money but cuz they gave it all to charity and are scheming to get it back and the other is a sociology book about changing towns. Anywho while reading the novel first, i hate that I don't own it. I don't know why, its not like it is the best book ever or something I would read again but for some reason I just really like owning a book I am reading. I almost never go back and read a book again except a fwe that I really love but for some reason I just love owning a book and knowing I have to return it makes me like it a little less. Its strange and I don't know why that is but it most definitely is how i feel,.

SO there is this movie they only have at the downtown library that my mom wanted and i had nothing to do today so I decided to walk to the downtown library. I wasn't exactly sure how far it is cuz i am really bad at like estimating things like that. So i walked down franklin to virginia to main to the library. OMG downtown is deserted on the weekends. I guess I knew that but it is really shocking. THere are soooo few people anywhere. A couple homeless people and some people walking around but really very few ppeople. There was the tourist couple who I thnk was staying at the Hyatt and they were asking one of the police what to do cuz everything looked so deserted. I can't imagine walking out of my hotel to see nothing. I know there are tons of things to do around downtown and stuff if they put their time in and looked but it must seem so weird to be in a city that you may or may not know what it is like but from appearances at first seems like a somewhat big city and then walk out of your hotle to complete isolation and abandoness. ANywho, so i walked to the library, signed up for a new card cuz I haven't had one in years and perused the library for a whle. I got some books and i rented SUnset Blvd cuz I always wanted to see that. On they way back i stopped at the rite aid on main street to get some water cuz it was a scorcher out there today. WHile i was down there, i was trying to think of other things to do that i could walk to but there really is not much right there. I could have went to the main place mall i siupposed but that is really a glorified card shop and food court.

I know there is lots of architecture and stuff liek that to see downtown but i've done that all before. For someone just looking to spend a day like shopping or people watching or even really having a bite to eat there is really not much at all.

The walk back was much warmer for some reason, i could not wait fo rit to be over. Mostly cuz i stupidly wore by 2 dollar old navy flip flops which are not super comfortable ,espeically on long hot walks. I just looked it up on mapquest and is is like 1.5 miles, so thats 3 miles which for me is a lot of walking. more than i have done in a while!

ALl in all it was actually really fun though and i am glad i decided to do that!

Yeah, I'm pretty much terrified of everything i am learning! Staying in a big empty house makes me realize just how scared I am. This lead me to go out to a bar alone the other night. I was in the mansh, a little scared and sick of being locked in a room so I decided to take a walk over to Fugazi by myself cuz noone was going out. As you all know, I am terribly awkward in every social situation when I don't know people so i walked in sat down ordered a drink and looked down awkwardly the whole time. That is until a crazy older drunk man told me he thinks I am a towel headed terrorist. So then i was gonna leave but he was leaving so I couldn't leave at the same time so i stayed and then i started talking to the other people a little more and so that was good. I was pretty proud of myself really cuz I am generally very dependent on other people and don't deal well alone. Then went off to Cole's to meet some peeps for ladies night and kept in classy by doing things such as saying "why is this pregnant lady buying us all these drinks" ...well it turns out she was our waitress...and not pregnant