But first an announcement-

I am moving 3 weeks from today.
Eep!
It's sneaking up on me far too fast.
Will need to have some sort of BBQ or something.

But onto the good stuff- just got this from my dad:

Recently Michelle Obama went to serve food to the homeless at a government funded soup kitchen.


Cost of a bowl of soup at homeless shelter: $0.00 dollars
Having Michelle Obama Serve you your soup: $0.00 dollars

Snapping a picture of a homeless person who is receiving a government-funded meal while taking a picture of the first lady using his $500 Blackberry cell phone: Priceless!

This is yet another tale of the ridiculous shit that happens to me. I must have done something cosmically awful in another life or something.

Oh but first one little aside- this weekend I read Buffalo Lockjaw. Enjoyed it. But I was wondering (to anyone else who has read it) did you notice that they name some places by their real names (faherty's, the old pink, etc etc) but then some others sound fictitious? Like they talk about a bar on Elmwood called "McGlennon's"- I wonder if they mean McGarrett's/Heenan's? And they talk about 'The Greenfield Club' on Delaware, but it sounds like the Saturn Club... Just wondering why some places need their names changed and some don't. Hmm.

Ok, but so what a freaking weekend.

Today is my friend's 30th birthday. I met her when she lived here, but now she lives in Texas. She wanted to have a big "girls' weekend" birthday party. Originally slated for Puerto Rico, but eventually scaled down to Charleston, SC- where another friend of ours lives. Problem #1 was that I mistakenly assumed "long weekend at the end of May" meant "Memorial Day weekend"- so when Memorial Day weekend was in fact LAST weekend- I got screwed with the work schedule, BLAH BLAH BLAH.

But ok. Fiasco #1:
Friday morning, I am getting packed and organized to head to the airport for my 2:30 flight. Want to leave my house at 1, but am running late. Finally I am packed, and start to lug my suitcase downstairs. I still have no idea what happened since it was all so fast- but I freaking BIT IT and fell down the stairs. Head over heels, nasty fall. This is a picture of the makeup stain on the wall from where my FACE hit the WALL at the bottom of the stairs.



My face hit the wall, and my neck crunched at a funny angle. Having spent my fair share of time in the ER at ECMC, my first thought was "oh shit, did I just break my neck?" But then I managed to stand up, and thought 'ok, phew. Not paralyzed'. Then I realized I was standing up and walking, so apparently no bones were broken. Then I looked down, and didn't notice any major bleeding. Then I immediately ran my tongue over my teeth to make sure I hadn't broken any teeth. Haha. So I was shaken up and sore, but OK. Of course, my suitcase did not fare so well. The handle was all bent, and even after un-bending it, I couldn't get the handle to go down. But, there was simply no time to go inside and find a different suitcase. Not to mention, then I'd have to check my bag, and united charges for checked bags, so fuck that. So, I finally get myself to the airport.

Then we have fiasco #2. Flight from BUF to Dulles is delayed due to storms in DC. They claim we are delayed 15 minutes. "No problem" I think, as I have 1.5 hours to make my connection.

Silly me.

First of all, the dumb bitch flight attendant wouldn't stop talking throughout the whole flight. The pilot was making some sort of important-sounding announcement, including the words "total ground stop" and "large delays" but that was all I could hear b/c she wouldn't stop yapping. Afterwards I asked her 'I'm sorry, i couldn't hear the announcement, what did the pilot say?' She of course didn't know. As the delays get longer and longer, I am getting antsy. I ask her "are we going to make our connections?" 'oh I don't know- when you get off the plane just ask the gate agent.' Of course, by the time we touch down and make it to the gate, it's 4:45, and my next flight leaves (not boards, leaves) at 4:51. I only have to go one gate over, but still- 6 minutes is not long. And then it takes them 10 minutes to get the gate-checked bags (i.e. every single carry-on) off the plane. While I am waiting for my bag, I dart inside to try to ask ANY gate agent to check on my flight, hoping they'll hold it 2 minutes. They refused. I finally get my bag, and run (limp) to the next gate. They say "oh sorry, that flight is gone". Meanwhile, I can SEE the plane at the gate, and they are JUST closing the door. But, they won't let me get on. Bastards. I want to know why there was a "ground stop" that delayed my first flight 1.5 hours, but my connection was RIGHT on time. And right then, they announce "Dulles airport is now closed until further notice due to thunderstorms". Great.

So... I go to get rebooked. Next flight is at 830 the next morning. Yeah, it's a two day trip... no big deal to miss one day. But they put me on standby for the 10pm flight, which would get me in at 1130. Not 630 like I'd hoped, but better than nothing. Then I try to argue with them that they should give me some sort of credit. They refused, saying it's weather. I said "but the gate agents refusing to call ahead for me, and then taking 20 minutes to get the gate-checked bags is NOT the weather. If your agents had done their jobs properly, I would have made my flight." But they weren't having it.

Fiasco #3-
9:50 flight. Supposed to board at 9:30.

It's 9:52. No gate agent in sight. No announcement about the flight. Board still says we are 'on time', though CLEARLY we aren't. Finally they update the board to say 10:06, still no announcement. Finally we get an announcement: "the plane is here, but a crew member is missing". Finally we leave- at 11:45, and I get in at 0115. Two hours late (really 7). No apology or explanation besides "crew member missing".

WHAT THE FUCK is that all about? What, he just didn't come to work? went on a bathroom break and didn't come back? FIRE that guy! Drag someone else in from home! That is NOT acceptable.
At work they often like to compare medicine (i.e. patient safety guidelines) etc to the airlines- how many hours they can work, etc. I am starting to resent that comparison. If I treated my patients the way these bastards treat us, I would not have any patients. Simple as that.

But finally, I make it to my friend's. We stay up til 3, then I go to sleep. Sort of. On a couch. With my friend snoring on the other side of the room. But saturday arrives, and the weather is glorious, and we go to the beach and have a lovely dinner and all is good. This is what my face looked like in the morning, where it hit the wall.



Then sunday is much too short, but we see downtown Charleston (beautiful houses). It's lovely:









Then we spend a little time at the pool, and then it's time to head home. :(
From this:


To this:

(and really, by the time I landed, it was down to 49 degrees.)

Finally I get my busted suitcase, find my car, am pleased that it was not broken into, and even more pleased when it starts (and stops- I just needed new brakes last week, an unexpected little 'surprise').

Get home around 1030. All I want to do is go to sleep. In my own bed.

Fiasco #4-
All day sunday a friend of mine is texting/calling me. "Can I stay at your place tonight, please please please". I really don't want him to, but... he's a friend, he's in a bind... what can I do. So I say "fine, but I won't be home til late". Hoping he'll take the hint and find somewhere else to stay. But he says 'great, thanks.'

So I get home at 1030. Text him that I'm home. No reply. At 1130 text "I'm going to bed." He replies "i'm on my way". I said "the door is open, lock it behind you."

Well around midnight he shows up, like a herd of fucking elephants. I am asleep, in my bed. He stomps in, turns in the lights, throws open the fridge, complains that all I have is healthy food, then bitches that he can't figure out how to check his email on my computer.

Then walks into the bedroom and starts getting undressed.

Um, no "go sleep on the couch"

"oh, come on... I won't touch you... let me sleep in the bed."

"no come on, please go sleep on the couch".

He refuses. And then just proceeds to whine and ask if we can 'cuddle' etc. [for the record, he and I have never so much as kissed, but that doesn't stop him from asking "can I see your tits?" 8000 times every time I see him.]

Then he asks "when did your body get so covered with spikes?"

HUH??

Then he laughs and says "sorry, I'm falling asleep".

and fall asleep he does.

And snore.

Until I finally get up, and go sleep on the couch.

Then his phone alarm goes off for about 2 hours straight in the morning, and then he needs an iron, and coffee, and breakfast, blah blah blah.

God dammit! All I want is to SLEEP IN A BED!

Oy!

And that, dear friends, ends my saga.

Now I guess it's time to get on with this day.

I move 3 weeks from tomorrow. :(

It's starting to hit me.

I'm going to miss everyone.

Ok, I know it's obnoxious to do this, and I apologize, but I can't help it.

As of this AM, I have lost 26.6lb.

And today, for the first time in as long as I can remember, my BMI is 'normal', and not 'overweight'. I still want to lose some more, but... I'm really excited.

All this #$%^& salad and not-drinking is apparently working. ;)

Funny thing- this psycho cow

has suddenly re-entered the picture, and is throwing around her standard "she is crazy. Tell her to go on jenny craig or something."

I finally responded to her. I said more or less

'you stupid bitch,
It's been months, and that's the best you can do? Jenny craig?
Which is ironic, since as far as I know you're about twice as big as I am.

Is your sad little life with your new fiance so empty and unfulfilling that you have nothing better to do than attack strangers on the internet?

Get a life."

She of course freaked out, called me fat and crazy, and said she wished I'd sent that to her directly so she could report me to facebook for abuse.

I'm finally realizing that she's just nuts. Simple as that. irrational and nuts.

In other news... I met a cute boy!! (in person!! a friend brought him as his guest to this dinner I went to, and we got to chatting.)
It's kind of exciting.
We've been talking.
Maybe dinner this week.
We'll see. Trying not to be too excited, b/c I'm sure it will blow up in my face and he'll turn out to be nuts, but... for now... the butterflies are fun. :)

Oh- and I just finished my last call at BGH, and am NEVER ON OVERNIGHT CALL IN THE HOSPITAL EVER AGAIN. EVER!!

Not to mention I'm done with the hellhole that is BGH.

So my niece went to visit her OTHER aunt last weekend...
I can't believe how big she's getting!!

Well, for the first time in my life, I have gotten NOTHING for my birthday from my family.
I mean, they sent me on vacation, and that was my bday gift, so I certainly can't complain... but mom has always sent SOMEthing. Some sort of care package with little goofy stuff in it, so that I have "something to open" on my actual birthday.

And this year...
Nothing.

I didn't even get a card.

Growing up sucks.