I love those random TXT messages that you just have to figure out. I received one today from someone giving me their new phone number. The problem is that the number wasn't in my contacts. Then I had to think about it for a while and to be honest I still can't figure it out. If it is someone from my past, than I guess they were deleted for a reason.

Other than that I've been working like a maniac trying to grab as much OT as possible. This has meant that I work 6 days a week at least until tomorrow. For some reason I've just been driving headfirst into this work as much as possible and loving it. Maybe it's just that I don't want to be bothered doing anything else that will involve me exposing myself to the world. Eventually I am going to go back to my less strenuous schedule and then I'll have all of this extra time to spend all that I've worked for during this stretch.

Then with all of this free time I'll go on a search for a wife like my boy Eric Schaeffer 't-believe-im-still-single-from-portland-to-portland/EP01050221 :-/ I'm only saying this since I saw him tonight wearing the same Polo Ralph Lauren underwear as myself and it really creeped me out. I've never watched a show where on one end I was kind of proud that I had the same weird traits as the star and yet utterly horrified at the same time that I had the same traits as the star. The only thing that I can say in my favor is that I don't get sucked into going on "dates" with women that end up confessing during the middle of the outing that they have a boyfriend. But shit if I'm still "broken" in whatever capacity he's broken in at that age, I don't know what I'll do...

I hung out with my Ex today and realized how on one end she was fantastic and on the other end tragically why it wasn't meant to be. Her and I went out and had dinner at Towne and then just walked up and down Elmwood today just chit chatting and having justs plain intelligent conversation. Plus meeting her out and picking up some red horseradish that she picked up for me earlier from the Broadway Market didn't hurt either.

It just kind of bums me out that the work wife just takes things literally. She isn't the type to inquire to ask why things are the why they are, for her she'll accept the Church's teachings. While with my Ex and I today had a pretty good talk about something she saw on the Discovery Channel.

The question I'm starting to ask is, "What am I getting out of my current realtionship?" The first answer just may be my desire to almost figure out myself, what makes me tick and how can I change the way the world sees me. This almost seems to be a journey of getting in touch with my inner altar boy. Because at one point in my life I was just like her, buying into everything the Catholic Church sold lock, stock and barrel. The thing is there was a point in high school where I just threw most of it to the wind.

I realized that all the anxiety, guilt and hangups that I have been fighting within my psyche may have originated from being too much of a Catholic when I was younger. To hear her talk about "not wanting to have sex" because she's afraid to get pregnant @ age 29 is really eye opening and frightening. I thought along those lines at one point of my life and really regret getting left in the starting gate of sexual development/dating with that kind of guilty fear instilled in me at such a young age.

It's just that I'm looking at this as not a relationship but me dating myself or actually battling my inner core subconscious as a child type of thing. Never the less it seems that this has happened at this point of my life to deal with and learn about the thing that made me who I am today and change them for the better going forward.

It seems that I haven't posted anything of substance for a while. Honestly, it's been due to the fact that I've been an Overtime whore @ work, grabbing and working most of the hours offered. Today I went in and worked 8 this Saturday just because I have this possible irrational fear that I won't have enough money. It's just driving me mad lately and I don't know why. Heck, I even shorted a gold stock on Friday just to squeeze out a couple of bucks.

So with me spending all this time at work, I've also been spending some way too much time with my work wife. All I can say is that my initial read was correct, she's totally pure as snow. Come on, I worked in a Poker Room for a while; you learn to read people or donate your money.

So in spending sometime with her tonight I kind of got smacked with my past. She's so Catholic it isn't even funny. Which isn't a bad thing other than I feel like the accusative gadfly since I consider myself a "recovering Catholic!" ;-) But the reaction I got which pretty much felt like "I'm troubled that you're trying to trying to debate me and chip away at my faith" was not all that cool. I know that if ever I wanted to debate anyone on this site about religion, I wouldn't have a problem other than possible biting more than I could chew off and having it run over the alloted time I had available. To me if you're of a faith you're should be willing and able to defend it, rather than say "We're not having this conversation."

SO Yeah, in a weird way this kind of works. I'm dealing with someone that wants to take it at a snail's pace and I kind of like the fact that pressure is off. A part of me is kind of relieved that on one hand I'll just have someone to hang with and not worry about complicating things. [This is where the Chris Rock Reference for th e title comes in] On another hand I know that if I push it and get what I want, I'll just leave another woman worse off than I left her. I'm only saying this due to the fact that I've been having pretty intense conversations with my Ex about how she totally isn't "right in the head" and how I "broke her heart" and this is with the fact that it had been almost 3 years now. Although now that I think about it a bunch of my other Ex's don't have things too good right now; But I'm sticking to the economy and even though this may sound like projection, I'm blaming the economy...




On a less serious note I've seen "Reality Bites" on the Dish 3 times in a week. Seriously I forgot about the movie for about a decade and all of a sudden it's always on! Maybe it's the economy and the slacker characters are now once again relevant?

Yea, I don't get that "I must go see X Show" motivation too often but for some reason I just want to go See Jane's Addiction. NIN really hasn't done anything for me that has gotten me too excited for about the last 10 years. I guess with teeth was OK but you just can't listen to Trent too much or you'll just attach a dark ion to your outlook on life.

Yea a great time last night as always. It's always odd to remember the bits of conversation that you overhear. This one I really don't know where it came from other than some guy was talking about this song




Other than that I did have3 an interesting time analyzing myself with (e:Carolinian) on the porch

He's so right in a way, there is something deep inside my subconscious that needs to be dealt with for me to continue to progress.



So there it is the ball of nervous uptight energy that needs to be sprung.