I'm sitting here trying in inject myself with a little enthusiasm for a press release another litter of capybara babies, but I'm thinking about my older sister.

She has been in the printing/graphics industry in Manhattan for 25 years. With all the evolution in computers and such, the desktop side of things has really changed and the printing scene in NYC is shrinking and getting more specialized. The firm she was with was tied up in a number of the trading card companies, until they were sold last year. New owners promptly canned a good chunk of the staff including my sister. She hooked on with another place for awhile who wanted somebody for all hours, etc and I think it would have been a great gig for somebody in their early twenties, but not so much when you are 47, 48 years old.

I hate to call and suggest this or that, because she knows all that. The intervening time frame while she applies for this and that has taxed my folks' abilities to offer financial support, and she had to pry into her 401K, and has come to the realization that unemployment insurance doesn't really cut it when living in Manhattan. She told my mom Monday night that she thinks the security deposit could cover May if it comes to that and after that, she wasn't so sure. Can you imagine having to let go of a rent controlled apartment in Chelsea? and head home to Buffalo and bunk with Mom and Dad for a bit?

My younger sister lives near Harlem. She had to deal with an apartment fire three years ago. She said something about how she had to start over, too. I understand the sentiment but it isn't really the same. The younger one still had her profession and had to replace things. The older has the things, but not the profession. Our work does define us to a degree (whether we want it to or not) and older sis has done a good job with coping, but I know the limitations are driving her nuts. She is typically one of the great over spenders in generosity and for almost 18 months has had to shut that instinct down.

I remember chuckling a little when that GM's first mistake last year was giving me a car loan. Ironic still that I might finally be in the position to help if she does have to come home.

To have to reinvent yourself when you think you are finally settling into what you want to be when you grow up...nothing about it doesn't stink.

Sad reflection on the way of the world

"hey michael, i enjoyed your company as well, you are very easy to be around. i am sorry but i just don't feel the connection i'm looking for to pursue a relationship. i wish i did, good luck to you"

All you can do is keep trying

Nobody seems to want to give anything a chance to develop anymore. From romances to rebuilds, there is an ugly false sense of urgency that ultimately going to leave us all permanently messed up. I'm sitting here with the morning paper and coffee and there is an article that caught my fancy.

Nothing and I mean nothing has happened in that area of Buffalo for a long time, which makes me wonder about their representation at city hall since he's been over there for more than a little bit. For the city to stiff arm that family's noble idea makes me crazy. Land gets put back to use by somebody who is willing to buy it, work and make something from in a part of town where there is not a whole lot of that going on. The city says no, because they MIGHT be able to resell to places like Habitat for Humanity. They might want to look at the lack of a demand now and be glad somebody has an interest.

It frustrates me because anything that has proven to be a draw around here has happened largely in spite of the "leadership." While our fearless leaders whore themselves out to the perennial cocktease that is a Bass Pro store, Elmwood, now Hertel and pockets of Grant are moving along because small groups of people put their minds & backs to work to make something happen. Small things, sure, but they add up to big things.

I guess I'm ranting a little, but hardly anything is instantaneous. Instant gratification is pretty rare, unless you have a cupcake from Delish handy.

The experiences of the week, watching Sens. Thompson and Stachowski hand out staff raises and pocket stipends, while screwing the electorate further roused my thinking. These are two of dumbest men alive or evil geniuses. I'm not sure which. It reminds me of that actual political sentiment that I think I heard on the West Wing. "Never underestimate the power of a small group of dedicated people to change things, because they are the only ones who ever have."

Makes you crazy.

One of the women who has the dubious distinction of working for me was at a personal milestone. She is turning 30 tomorrow and spent Friday in a pre-birthday funk. Having breezed through 30 only to a full-sized MrMike hole in the the wall that is 40, I tried to tell her it was no big deal. The world throws enough obstacles at you so to bring on others seems a little silly. She was concerned that turning 30 meant the death of something. Can you imagine a world where we all acted our ages according to the stereotypes they demand? I'd be smoking a pipe and drinking high balls on a regular basis and I hate both. Don't want to live in a Mad Men world, just like watching it once a week.

She thought about that then her husband showed up to reveal the secret we've been keeping for almost four months. He called me to ask to turn her loose for a vacation week for this week. He showed up to take her home and pack as they were leaving for Costa Rica at 9:30. I was impressed. She had been missing the folks, so he arranged their travel to meet them in Costa Rica for breakfast saturday morning. I wish I had the means to do that, let alone the wherewithal. She was nearly hyperventalating trying to remember what needed done.

I just smiled and kept repeating don't worry about it.

I guess my point be is that the positive karma is there, you just can't be in such a damn fool hurry to find it.

Going to the b-movie series at the New Phoenix tonight.

Still rising to the tasks of being awake...

I took an slightly expanded version of a post from here and fleshed it out a little more on facebook, only to see the Buffalo News do two articles on the same topic in yesterday's "paper." Makes you wonder if a few of the minions there are following estrip for feature ideas. Theirs might have been better but mine was first.

The previously mentioned number one son was falling victim to the hype and was after me to go to Monsters vs Aliens once it opened. We decided to take the plunge Saturday afternoon and truly geek it up by going to the IMAX theater out on Transit Road. Anything worth doing is worth doing the excess, you know. But Regal, seriously, $26 for two tickets, seriously? Fandango now charges $2.00 per ticket for ordering online. That's $30 before I've even filled out my financial aid paperwork at the concession stand. That is officially the end of me booking ahead. I love the semantics of a convenience charge. Who exactly is that convenient for? certainly not this decaying customer. But the kid has been good, so I sucked it up--especially since I was rewarded with the Star Trek preview, which was pretty cool. Movie is silly fun if you are thinking about it.

My lovely middle child goes to the Tapestry High School, which for this year is in the back side of the St. Mary's School for the Deaf building. I say this because she was telling me about the strange looks that she and a friend were getting taking the Main St bus. Both of them had their IPODs on and the site of two girls with ear buds in place walking past the St. Mary's sign. "Shouldn't they be using their hands to talk?" from one bus rider. No argument with Depeche Mode: People are definitely people.

Six day work week beginning today -- no wonder it feels like I don't have a life. Next week our p.r. coordinator is being taken away to celebrate her 30th birthday so I get to wear two hats again.

Taking a little time away from Bikram Yoga -- finances got a little tight and the continuing change of seasons was screwing with my breathing ability. Once we can settle into spring for real (snow, this morning, really?) and all camp & college fees are finished, I'll hope back on board.

I think we are all gizmo junkies here in some fashion or another. The lovely daughter of two paragraphs ago came home from school on Friday upset. I was over at the house dropping off some zoo stuff and she said her Ipod got taken out of her locker. Sucks to start with, but she paid for the bulk of it, so the emotional investment is that much larger. Occasionally, you are powerless. That was one of those times, where all the ex and I could do was listen.

My church puts on a music sunday every spring and yesterday was the third straight year that I've said the hell with it. The music is beautiful, small orchestra and choir really showing its chops, but the crowd is staggeringly rude. One year, I went up to take number one son to his classroom only to come down to see some woman literally sitting on my belongings. Regularly about 300 people come to the services. but the music sundays double that with people from the neighborhood, people too cheap to go to Kleinhans for the 2:00 show, and just assorted assholes who want to hear the music with little regard for the surroundings. The last one I did go to is still burnt into my memory. This woman was sitting with her baby a couple rows ahead of me. The baby was cooing, enjoying her surroundings and charming the pants of all the immediate neighbors except for these two old biddies who thought they were at Radio City. These two crumudgeons (somewhere between 80 and 200) wouldn't shut the fuck up until the woman left in tears with the child. My biggest disappointment was in myself for not speaking to the witches the way they deserved. This was after some jerkass was trying to shush my son when he was asking some questions about the instruments before the service started.

So, the coffee and home made brunch were much more spiritually fulfilling.

Wished I could have made it to Merge last week, Tiny -- plate is a little full. I'm on three boards at the moment and I'm pretty sure one of em has to go.

Have a good Monday, ya'all.