I have been thinking a lot about school...this school in particular. UB for those who don't know where I go...
I guess I can't help but feel like I am on a treadmill to nowhere. I sit in class and listen to people talk about Foucoult and academic debt and blah blah blah, and I can't help but what wonder what the fuck they are talking about. Granted, I can follow along, I know the lingo, I can talk the talk, but I get sick of it pretty quick. There is no activism coming from this dept. Outside of getting our work done, writing papers and thesis and whatnot, how does anyone in grad school have time to give a shit about anyone but themselves? Isn't higher education just another machine to assembly line out people with legitimate degrees in order to look good for other people? I was speaking about this with a fellow student who is a black female immigrant from Africa. She said that she felt that getting her education is the only way for her to be heard, to get ahead, to be respected in the world. I agree with this in some ways, but aren't we just playing into the system? Who the hell do I think I am with my fancy degree that says I am smarter than other people who don't have one? Gross. Even "higher" education has hierarchical implications. Aren't we all just little rats in tubes trying to get to the coveted finish line?
Don't get me wrong. I love school. I love learning. But I am not here to get a degree, and I think most people are. Get in, get out, get on with your life. But can't we learn everywhere, don't we? I get so sick of things like "good" schools, ivy league bullshit and academic credibility. I am no more credible that any other schmuch out there. It grosses me out. Really. We sit in our comfortable little classrooms talking abour rage, gender, class, inequality, etc etc, and we aren't doing a damn thing about it. Is academic feminism an oxymoron? I think so.
Oh yes. And on a side note...I need to make it quite clear that my rambling are no more than that. I am never ever trying to present all sides of a perspective. My mind changes on a daily basis. And here is another complaint...when people criticize an author about what s/he missed, what was left out, underdeveloped, blah blah. How the hell do we expect one single person to ever get it all right? I know it is an excercise in one's ability to critique, to be analytical and all that jazz, but seriously. Come on people. People are starving, are poor, are dying, are getting murdered for wearing the wrong clothes, saying the wrong thing, for no reason at all and we are worried about this petty shit?
I am full of it today. :) Peace out.
Lauren's Journal
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02/20/2008 12:02 #43400
Procrastination....Category: school
02/19/2008 13:22 #43392
Look at Me!Category: randomo
I got in the shower no more than half an hour ago...and now, quite suddenly, there is snow on the ground again. Forgive me for talking about the oh so mundane weather, but what the hell is wrong with Buffalo?
Shit. You see, this is the problem with blogging...I guess my issue is I have this seemingly innate self-editing process that prohibits me from speaking of the random, the ridiculess, the everyday. I think that people aren't interested, don't care, have their own lives to deal with, etc etc. Felly and I were talking about this last night. I am not a story teller. You know how some people just spout stories of when they were doing one thing or another and this happened and hahaha wasn't that crazy? I just don't. And yet, I am terribly fascinated with the idea of the story. I think that human beings are (dare i say naturally?) inclined to think and live in storyland, not to be confused with reality. We have to have reasons, ideas, ways of making sense of things in order to believe them, to want to see them through, to be invested. What more than meaning makes a human being? We eat, shit, sleep like every other godam animal on this planet, but we make it MEAN things. What we eat tells about where we come from, our culture, our upbringing, out health... but does it really? Yes and No I suppose....but thats not the point. I guess there isn't really one at all. I wanted to post and this was the first thing that came to mind.
does it mean anything that it is cold outside? No. Not at all, but I will sit here and tell you straight out that I will make it mean that I don't want to leave the house and go to class and would rather stay in all day and read and snuggle with my cats. But that is my story. and that doesn't mean that that is what I will do. Rather, that is the story that I will carry with me today as I get in my car, drive to campus, walk from the parking lot aallllll the way to class, sit in class.... etc etc etc. Grumble grumble grumble its cold outside. See what I mean? Ha!
Shit. You see, this is the problem with blogging...I guess my issue is I have this seemingly innate self-editing process that prohibits me from speaking of the random, the ridiculess, the everyday. I think that people aren't interested, don't care, have their own lives to deal with, etc etc. Felly and I were talking about this last night. I am not a story teller. You know how some people just spout stories of when they were doing one thing or another and this happened and hahaha wasn't that crazy? I just don't. And yet, I am terribly fascinated with the idea of the story. I think that human beings are (dare i say naturally?) inclined to think and live in storyland, not to be confused with reality. We have to have reasons, ideas, ways of making sense of things in order to believe them, to want to see them through, to be invested. What more than meaning makes a human being? We eat, shit, sleep like every other godam animal on this planet, but we make it MEAN things. What we eat tells about where we come from, our culture, our upbringing, out health... but does it really? Yes and No I suppose....but thats not the point. I guess there isn't really one at all. I wanted to post and this was the first thing that came to mind.
does it mean anything that it is cold outside? No. Not at all, but I will sit here and tell you straight out that I will make it mean that I don't want to leave the house and go to class and would rather stay in all day and read and snuggle with my cats. But that is my story. and that doesn't mean that that is what I will do. Rather, that is the story that I will carry with me today as I get in my car, drive to campus, walk from the parking lot aallllll the way to class, sit in class.... etc etc etc. Grumble grumble grumble its cold outside. See what I mean? Ha!
metalpeter - 02/19/08 19:38
First of all the fact that it is snowing outside can mean a lot of things depending on how one looks at it. Yeah it can mean it is cold and you want to snuggle with your cats. But it can also mean a lot more then that. Take me for example I think "I don't want to slip on the ice". But then I think yeah but compared to living on the coast I have it good. I don't have to worry about a Huricaine washing my house and photos and DVDs away. I don't have to have to have all the resources I would have to have if I lived there. I can also say the same thing about Tornados taking out my trailor park.
I think that what makes a blog interesting isn't really the story. It is seeing how someone who lives in a different way then us, how they live. Like what is it like to be in a band that travels, being a girl hitting the single bars every night (sex and city as an example), or anything that isn't how we live. But what it can also do is to let us connect with people who we know but don't talk to. It is also a way to share interests. For example I know you and (e:felly) like those breakin class. Now if I was into that I could ask you if you want to borrow my "Step Up" DVD and then if you like it all 3 of us could go see it together after the next class that I was going to.
There is another reason to write and that is to vent or to get something down. A blog is tricky are you writing for other people or for yourself or is it a combo. If you only write for your self and someone is bored by it or doesn't care then they will go onto someone else and read them. But maybe you are just documenting for yourself and then who cares if no one reads it. Or maybe you are doing for your self but would still like input or to hear some one else's thoughts on the matter.
In terms of telling stories some people are really good or bad at them. You can tell the good story tellers right away and they are all ways funny. But some people seem to do it as a way to say look at me, I'm a big shot and will have a story that some how has some thing to do with them or someone they know or even someone who know someone and those are allways about how great they are and they have one for anything anybody says and those people are annoying (oh yeah and they make a lot of shit up to). So maybe you don't want to be one of those people.
First of all the fact that it is snowing outside can mean a lot of things depending on how one looks at it. Yeah it can mean it is cold and you want to snuggle with your cats. But it can also mean a lot more then that. Take me for example I think "I don't want to slip on the ice". But then I think yeah but compared to living on the coast I have it good. I don't have to worry about a Huricaine washing my house and photos and DVDs away. I don't have to have to have all the resources I would have to have if I lived there. I can also say the same thing about Tornados taking out my trailor park.
I think that what makes a blog interesting isn't really the story. It is seeing how someone who lives in a different way then us, how they live. Like what is it like to be in a band that travels, being a girl hitting the single bars every night (sex and city as an example), or anything that isn't how we live. But what it can also do is to let us connect with people who we know but don't talk to. It is also a way to share interests. For example I know you and (e:felly) like those breakin class. Now if I was into that I could ask you if you want to borrow my "Step Up" DVD and then if you like it all 3 of us could go see it together after the next class that I was going to.
There is another reason to write and that is to vent or to get something down. A blog is tricky are you writing for other people or for yourself or is it a combo. If you only write for your self and someone is bored by it or doesn't care then they will go onto someone else and read them. But maybe you are just documenting for yourself and then who cares if no one reads it. Or maybe you are doing for your self but would still like input or to hear some one else's thoughts on the matter.
In terms of telling stories some people are really good or bad at them. You can tell the good story tellers right away and they are all ways funny. But some people seem to do it as a way to say look at me, I'm a big shot and will have a story that some how has some thing to do with them or someone they know or even someone who know someone and those are allways about how great they are and they have one for anything anybody says and those people are annoying (oh yeah and they make a lot of shit up to). So maybe you don't want to be one of those people.
02/18/2008 15:38 #43383
Spot CoffeeCategory: school
Ok, so me and this friend of mine have to do a joint presentation on a book. for those of you who care, it is Octavia Butler's "Parable of the Sower". And we made plans to meet today to go over our thoughts and stuff...and I had it in my little head that she would (preferably) come to my place cause it is bigger and I can smoke without climbing three flights of stairs. Either that or we would go to her place. Fine. I could deal with that too.
But...when she finally called me, she was like, oh, lets me at Spot. Two things: First of all, why the hell do people like going to public places where it is loud and uncomfortable and distracting and costs money, when you could easily be at home, for free. (This is a privacy and social phobia issue I have as well). Second...I realized not only are we going to Spot, she wants to go to Spot on Delaware, one I have never been to before. Now granted, I should take this as an opportunity to expand my horizons, expand my Buffalo, blah blah. But I don't want to. I know I sound like a spoiled two year old right now. I guess this is what happens when one has expectations that were completely and totally existing only in the reality of my head. I am not upset really, don't take my tone to be anything other than fascination with my own idiosincracies. I am a wee bit crazy and it comes out at the strangest of times.
But...when she finally called me, she was like, oh, lets me at Spot. Two things: First of all, why the hell do people like going to public places where it is loud and uncomfortable and distracting and costs money, when you could easily be at home, for free. (This is a privacy and social phobia issue I have as well). Second...I realized not only are we going to Spot, she wants to go to Spot on Delaware, one I have never been to before. Now granted, I should take this as an opportunity to expand my horizons, expand my Buffalo, blah blah. But I don't want to. I know I sound like a spoiled two year old right now. I guess this is what happens when one has expectations that were completely and totally existing only in the reality of my head. I am not upset really, don't take my tone to be anything other than fascination with my own idiosincracies. I am a wee bit crazy and it comes out at the strangest of times.
mike - 02/19/08 19:22
i think i like those kinds of environment because in a weird way i stay a little more concentrated then if i am at home. I don't know why, but it makes me work a little more somehow and keeps me interested cuz there are so many distractions!
i think i like those kinds of environment because in a weird way i stay a little more concentrated then if i am at home. I don't know why, but it makes me work a little more somehow and keeps me interested cuz there are so many distractions!
megan - 02/19/08 12:26
I have to say that I love the downtown one way more, but I'm biased- I used to manage it. But I'm totally with you- I can't concentrate when I'm in public, and I really can't stand crowds of people. I
I have to say that I love the downtown one way more, but I'm biased- I used to manage it. But I'm totally with you- I can't concentrate when I'm in public, and I really can't stand crowds of people. I
fellyconnelly - 02/19/08 09:18
crrrranky poo!
crrrranky poo!
paul - 02/18/08 22:10
The downtown one is way more comfortable for meetings but I agree, I never get anything done in that type of environment.
The downtown one is way more comfortable for meetings but I agree, I never get anything done in that type of environment.
02/16/2008 11:47 #43357
Tax Refunds are Fun!Category: randomo
Its always kinda nice to open up your bank account and realize you have much more money than expected. Its kinda like finding money in your dirty jeans or in the lint trap of the dryer. Although, Felly and I are supposed to be buying plane tickets for Seattle, not buying strange and "exotic" foods from the organic aisles in Wegmans.
In other news...
Felly and I wacthed this terribly interesting little show about Bodies. As in, Bodies: The Exhibition.
Fascinating really...like how most of the bodies are of asian descent and come from this rundown shack of a wearhouse/laboratory in China which supposedly doesn't know where they come from. And this creepy but cute German doctor who came up with the plasticization process that these bodies go through but who cried when he was recalling how he accidently was working with some bodies who had not voluntary gave their bodies up...he incinerated them. And the millions of dollars that this exhibition is bringing in for americans, never mind the fact that they, in order to avoid human corpse laws, claim that the plasticized human body parts are plastic "models".....
I guess...well, it really gets me thinking about all kinds of things. My first instinct is to say that as American's we have some creepy fascination with death coupled with a conflicting taboo which is why people are so drawn to these types of things in the first place. Taboos create fascination. I believe this. There are other cultures in the world who have no (or at least a different) taboo around death or the dead body...sometimes they hang out with the bodies, take parts of it home with them, things of that nature. Death is natural and normal for them...it is not the end of the world like it is for us. Yeah ok, we believe in heaven, but we also believe in ghosts and vampires and that sort of thing. Don't kid yourself. We do. I won't get into the "we" of America because that is a whole nother post.
So maybe the Bodies exhibit isn't all that bad? Maybe we should try to be more comfortable with death? Maybe then we wouldn't see people freaking out getting plastic surgery and tring to look "Ten Years Younger" and all that youth is beauty bullshit. But then...here is the tricky part I spose. these bodies are NOT of old people who died of natural causes. According to ABC or whoever, they were young, healthy people who didn't look ready to die. So hence the question...where do these bodies come from. I do not doubt...for one second...that there is an underground, clandestine body business going on. It has happened in the past, why not now?
Anyways...I am not saying you should or shouldn't, but if you are interested, here is a website called No Bodies 4 Profit...
decide for yourself.
In other news...
Felly and I wacthed this terribly interesting little show about Bodies. As in, Bodies: The Exhibition.
Fascinating really...like how most of the bodies are of asian descent and come from this rundown shack of a wearhouse/laboratory in China which supposedly doesn't know where they come from. And this creepy but cute German doctor who came up with the plasticization process that these bodies go through but who cried when he was recalling how he accidently was working with some bodies who had not voluntary gave their bodies up...he incinerated them. And the millions of dollars that this exhibition is bringing in for americans, never mind the fact that they, in order to avoid human corpse laws, claim that the plasticized human body parts are plastic "models".....
I guess...well, it really gets me thinking about all kinds of things. My first instinct is to say that as American's we have some creepy fascination with death coupled with a conflicting taboo which is why people are so drawn to these types of things in the first place. Taboos create fascination. I believe this. There are other cultures in the world who have no (or at least a different) taboo around death or the dead body...sometimes they hang out with the bodies, take parts of it home with them, things of that nature. Death is natural and normal for them...it is not the end of the world like it is for us. Yeah ok, we believe in heaven, but we also believe in ghosts and vampires and that sort of thing. Don't kid yourself. We do. I won't get into the "we" of America because that is a whole nother post.
So maybe the Bodies exhibit isn't all that bad? Maybe we should try to be more comfortable with death? Maybe then we wouldn't see people freaking out getting plastic surgery and tring to look "Ten Years Younger" and all that youth is beauty bullshit. But then...here is the tricky part I spose. these bodies are NOT of old people who died of natural causes. According to ABC or whoever, they were young, healthy people who didn't look ready to die. So hence the question...where do these bodies come from. I do not doubt...for one second...that there is an underground, clandestine body business going on. It has happened in the past, why not now?
Anyways...I am not saying you should or shouldn't, but if you are interested, here is a website called No Bodies 4 Profit...
decide for yourself.
kookcity2000 - 02/16/08 18:49
I saw a body exhibit in December here in Rochester.
It was just like this, plasticized bodies. Some of them were sliced so you could see the cross sections and some were focused on organs and different systems.
There was a corner with fetuses and in utero cross sections. I didn't see that part.
It cost a pretty penny and the place was packed. They staged groups of people so only so many could enter every 15 minutes.
I got the feeling that it was like a modern day PT Barnum freak show with maybe more taste.
Somehow the whole exhibit didn't seem to be focused on the science, art, and architecture of the Human Body. Maybe it was because we all had the feeling that few if any of these people gave consent or donated their bodies to science.
I saw a body exhibit in December here in Rochester.
It was just like this, plasticized bodies. Some of them were sliced so you could see the cross sections and some were focused on organs and different systems.
There was a corner with fetuses and in utero cross sections. I didn't see that part.
It cost a pretty penny and the place was packed. They staged groups of people so only so many could enter every 15 minutes.
I got the feeling that it was like a modern day PT Barnum freak show with maybe more taste.
Somehow the whole exhibit didn't seem to be focused on the science, art, and architecture of the Human Body. Maybe it was because we all had the feeling that few if any of these people gave consent or donated their bodies to science.
paul - 02/16/08 13:48
That thing has been going on forever. I remember back when I first studied in Germany in 1996, they had it and people were freakin out with all the nazi, experimenting on bodies past.
That thing has been going on forever. I remember back when I first studied in Germany in 1996, they had it and people were freakin out with all the nazi, experimenting on bodies past.
fellyconnelly - 02/16/08 13:28
your posts are long and boring. you suck. :)
seriously - i'm so disgusted with the bodies exhibit now. even though i secretly want to see it. dilemma!
your posts are long and boring. you suck. :)
seriously - i'm so disgusted with the bodies exhibit now. even though i secretly want to see it. dilemma!
02/15/2008 11:46 #43345
On automatic flush toilets and the likeCategory: randomo
Someone asked me to post more...so this is what you get.
I hate automatic flush toilets, automatic soap dispensers, hand dryers, paper towle dispensers, the list goes on. My first inclination is to be offended. I am really quite capable of flushing the toilet myself. Really. And I think it should be my choice when the toilet is flushed. And then I think, well, what does this say about our society? That people are such inconsiderate assholes that they can't flush a godam toilet by themselves? That we are basically all little children who need someone out there to make sure that it gets done? Of course, the situation may be slightly different for say paper towles or water...I get that they probably save some trees, some energy, whathaveyou. But the toilet flushing thing. Come on.
In other news. Felly made me steak last night for dinner. We are so cool. I wanted to get dessert...and apparently she did too, and we both got the exact same kind of strawberry cheesecake. So now we have two. One for each I suppose.
Also, for fair and future warning...Break Dancing Battle NEXT SATURDAY FEB. 23. You folks really should come. It will blow your mind. Come after 8pm...910 Main Street (Door to the left of the Hyatt art store) Seriously. $4 cover.
There is also a showing of the Vagina Monologues TONIGHT at the Unitarian Universalist Church of Buffalo ( 695 Elmwood Ave. at West Ferry Street). $ 15 @ 7: 30 p. m
So there. Post...complete.
I hate automatic flush toilets, automatic soap dispensers, hand dryers, paper towle dispensers, the list goes on. My first inclination is to be offended. I am really quite capable of flushing the toilet myself. Really. And I think it should be my choice when the toilet is flushed. And then I think, well, what does this say about our society? That people are such inconsiderate assholes that they can't flush a godam toilet by themselves? That we are basically all little children who need someone out there to make sure that it gets done? Of course, the situation may be slightly different for say paper towles or water...I get that they probably save some trees, some energy, whathaveyou. But the toilet flushing thing. Come on.
In other news. Felly made me steak last night for dinner. We are so cool. I wanted to get dessert...and apparently she did too, and we both got the exact same kind of strawberry cheesecake. So now we have two. One for each I suppose.
Also, for fair and future warning...Break Dancing Battle NEXT SATURDAY FEB. 23. You folks really should come. It will blow your mind. Come after 8pm...910 Main Street (Door to the left of the Hyatt art store) Seriously. $4 cover.
There is also a showing of the Vagina Monologues TONIGHT at the Unitarian Universalist Church of Buffalo ( 695 Elmwood Ave. at West Ferry Street). $ 15 @ 7: 30 p. m
So there. Post...complete.
megan - 02/19/08 12:31
oh man and the toilets at wegmans are the worst! i don't wanna get sprayed while i'm peeing. and the dryers at target make your skin flap...it's really powerful. my daughter is deathly afraid of it, and she's afraid of very little.
oh man and the toilets at wegmans are the worst! i don't wanna get sprayed while i'm peeing. and the dryers at target make your skin flap...it's really powerful. my daughter is deathly afraid of it, and she's afraid of very little.
fellyconnelly - 02/16/08 07:54
woah lauren you suprised me with a post!
i like to be able to do my business and then kick the handle to limit the hands on gross experience. even if i do decide to wash my hands when i'm done. :)
woah lauren you suprised me with a post!
i like to be able to do my business and then kick the handle to limit the hands on gross experience. even if i do decide to wash my hands when i'm done. :)
jbeatty - 02/15/08 14:40
Speaking of the Vagina Monologues, did anyone happen to hear about this? :::link:::
Speaking of the Vagina Monologues, did anyone happen to hear about this? :::link:::
james - 02/15/08 12:12
No Jim. The things you touch prior to washing your hands don't matter. All those germy germs get washed away in foamy soap and water.
But I loath auto flush toilets. The auto-flush urinals always spray water on me while I am mid-pee and it makes me so angry. Amazingly angry. Like Bruce Banner turning green and yelling 'SMAAAASH' angry.
Thank you for posting Lauren.
No Jim. The things you touch prior to washing your hands don't matter. All those germy germs get washed away in foamy soap and water.
But I loath auto flush toilets. The auto-flush urinals always spray water on me while I am mid-pee and it makes me so angry. Amazingly angry. Like Bruce Banner turning green and yelling 'SMAAAASH' angry.
Thank you for posting Lauren.
jim - 02/15/08 11:54
I think it's mostly a sanitary thing - the less things you have to touch the better. :/
I think it's mostly a sanitary thing - the less things you have to touch the better. :/
It doesn't seem to get better in that respect when you get to the doctorate level. I question all the time about the validity of being there and being so removed from doing something that actually does something positive. The fact that you question, and not take your education for granted means something, in my opinion.
I think there are a lot of opportunities to use the training from your degree and apply it to the real world- perhaps outside academia, or even inside it. It just requires the drive to transcend what is expected for you to do what you believe in.
Man, do they talk about Foucault in every grad program? We talked about him in History and in Education.
Right on (e:Josh)! That's why I couldn't study sociology in grad school. Blah, blah, blah Foucault, Derrida, existentialism. Nothing real... No thanks.
Oh geez - one other thing. There are talkers and there are doers. The talkers bore me and take credit when they are entitled to none. Being part of a movement implies that you are participating. Talking in a classroom about how you feel about a subject is not participating. This is why I think talking academically about real world problems are utterly useless, because the people doing the talking have no concept of real world application.
I did my grad in work in criminal justice as opposed to sociology (my undergrad degree) because I felt more likely to really use what I learned in criminal justice to affect the system. My professors were certainly changing the system based on their research. So I can understand where you're coming from.
I think women who have made the most change for women are simply those women who sought to excel at whatever they did, whatever field they worked in and refused to be stopped by barriers.
Many like-minded people are doing it for self-satisfaction. That is a depressing thought but is a reality that can't be ignored easily when we see it on a day to day basis.
You don't need them. I've always encouraged activists that feel conflicted about working "within the system" because all thats needed is a change in perspective. Just as an example, people who are like-minded with yours truly often are loathe to work for a company like Wal-Mart or Exxon. These companies must be infiltrated in order to be changed, not rejected out of hand! This idea is completely in the same spirit as what (e:chico) wrote. I think to affect the system you have to work within it, at the very least do a SWOT analysis, determine some priorities, figure out ways to better a company/situation then convince the suits that the company will be left better off in ways that are meaningful to those in charge. We have ideas about what "better off" means, but this has to be put in terms that are palatable to your audience. The #1 reason why people cannot affect change positively (outside of their ideas simply being crazy, which is true at times!) is because they fail to adequately communicate their thoughts.
Amen, sister.
I and many of my peers had the same misgivings when we were in grad school. The only way I can rationalize it is by saying that jumping through the academic hoops (to degree completion) affords the degree earner the credentials to shape and influence the thinking of the next generation, and often generations to come -- through teaching and opening minds to ideas, injustices, and causes.