I confess. I love Graham Norton. I forgot how naughty he is... and what presenters on the telly in Blighty can get away with. If there is a way for Graham to make a joke dirty, he will manage it. Makes me giggle...

Not too long ago, (e:Uncutsaniflush) and i dvr'ed an episode on BBC America. We thought the reuniting of the original actors from The Dukes of Hazzard would be amusing. It was.

But it was the last song done by the musical guest that turned into a bit of an obsession (pun intended, see video) for me. His first song about wanting to bed Daisy... uhm, no, he meant Bo and Luke was interesting and amusing. His comedy while chatting on the sofa was strange. But that last song... i needed to have it.

Last night, (e:Uncutsaniflush) found it for me. And i uploaded it to youtube.

I cannot get this song out of my head. The (fake?) Norwegian rap is amusing... so is the line "i need him like a fat chick hates the gym". Enjoy...

This time of year can bum me out. Working retail doesn't help. The mad rush should be over, but now is the time of the mad returns and exchanges. And i truly am sorry that we run out of things; if it were up to me, we would have in the blowdryer/curling iron/flat iron/rollerset/makeup mirror you saw before the holidays. Mainly so i wouldn't have to hear the complaints.

Not having a regular schedule is exhausting to me as well. The manager, for reasons only known to her but i suspect are pure laziness, only puts up the wildly varying schedule a few days before it begins. I only work there about 20 hours a week, so i would think it shouldn't be this taxing on me. Yet how i am expected to plan the remaining portions of my life if i do not know when i am working and when i am not? Oh, yeah, that's right, i guess i am not supposed to. I think i am supposed to wait on the edge of my chair for someone to tell me when i am supposed to spring into action.

Spring into action and be positive when customers call me a bitch for telling them they cannot try on nail polish before they buy it. Spring into action and remain positive when customers come in demanding a refund on a hair colour that did not turn out because they neglected to tell the employee that they currently have black dyed hair... a refund without even the empty box or the receipt? I don't think so.

I would so like to see my father on his birthday, but i don't think it is going to happen this year. Poor sap gets so many "here, this is for Xmas AND your birthday" gifts. So, this January 7th, he is getting a phone call.... and a separate gift i hid in the house that my mom is going to give him.

So, through all the B.S. that is working retail... i am actually trying to remain positive. This is me, cursing under my breath, trying to remain positive...

I Can Has Cheezburger? helps me when i am feeling blah...

Or a jinx?

Since i have had my job in late September:

one employee had a panic and mild heart attack at work and was hospitalized for a week

another employee fainted and fell

another employee had a panic attack and was unable to breathe and was hospitalized

the employee that fainted slipped and fell on the ice

our district manager fell on the ice trying to dig out our back door because the mall hadn't done it and hadn't salted anything either

Someone suggested it might not be the store, but me. Who knew Lettuce could be dangerous?

I have 2 grandparents still alive -- my paternal grandmother and my maternal grandfather. Both have not been doing well lately, emotionally, mentally, and physically.

But the news i got today was the most disheartening.

I always thought my maternal grandfather was, at best, a grumpy old man and at worst, a misogynistic asswipe. Now, i find out he is a paranoid liar with sudden onset senile dementia.

Turns out that he has been lying to everyone for years about his age and his real first name (he's Ukranian, so he was saying that Larry was just the English version of his name, but even the Ukranian version isn't what his real name is).

He has been hiding money , sewed into his mattress, and writing himself little notes and stashing them around his place... reminding himself of things that don't make sense to anyone. Just my mom's name, written on a piece of paper, stashed among his bills. Or some words that no one can read. Or an insult to someone.

He also removed both my mom and my uncle from being the power of attorney for both his medical and financial needs. Seems they were out to get him.

He has been arguing with my mom on and off for a few years, but he picks fights... and thinks my mom is a slut. Then again, he thinks all women are sluts.

He had a fall recently. He was trying to change the lightbulb in the kitchen while standing on a rickety kitchen chair. Not wise for anyone, but for an old man (albeit not as old as he has been telling people he is). His wrist was broken... trying to not break a hip, i presume, but bracing his fall with his hand/arm.

I only found out about the fall when i was talking to my mom who was talking to her brother in Michigan. My mom lives in the same area (he lives in Stoney Creek, she lives in Hamilton), but he calls Michigan for help, because he was fighting, yet again, with my mom. He refused help from her... because she "knows why, damn it!"

Well, my uncle was in town for the holidays. As usual, he was going to stay with his dad, this same grandfather. Turns out the tv has been inoperable for quite some time. "Someone came in and broke it, stole some parts when i was sleeping", he claims. He also said my mom took parts to his blood pressure monitor because she wants him to die so she can get all his money that she has been stealing for years.

So, the old coot has been sitting alone in his apartment, unwilling to talk to anyone and having a broken tv and no radio. Just alone, staring at the walls. Going crazy, apparently.

At first, they thought this was all a mix up with meds. But the doc said the meds he is on could not cause the kind of confusion he is suffering from.

Doc said the confusion might have began around the time he fell and could actually be the onset of the most noticeable signs of dementia. That the moment of the fall when we all think "what the hell just happened" continues for the elderly patient sometimes.

No matter what the cause, he can no longer live by himself.

He is loosing his mind. He's a asshole. But he is my grandfather. Even when i hate him and he is making others suffer, i still love him and don't want him to suffer. Crazy old bastard...

My lovely spouse, (e:Uncutsaniflush,42611) recently journaled about how incosiderate Canadians can be while here.

Working retail in this area, i have experienced the rudest people to serve have either been Canadians visiting for the purpose of shopping or suburban women, slumming it in the city. The later is an entirely different subject, best saved for another day i feel like kvetching...

There is an attitude of entitlement and expectation of superior service because "I am from CANADA"... like that is somehow going to impress me into giving them more than i could give 30 seconds ago.

Oh, if that's the case, you are Canadain, well, then, i will get out the special backstock we keep away from the Americans to save just in case a Canadian comes into the store!

Or maybe the Xmas season is getting to me more now than it ever did in the past.

See, unlike those that have office jobs and got off work on Friday to have a week or even a few days off work, us retail shlubs have to keep on keeping on... right, (e:Fellyconnelly)?!

At my place of employment, to top it off, we have been short staffed. The pox i wrote about, (e:LeeTee,42588) has given me more hours... more than i wanted or could handle. Normally, we get a delivery on Tuesday and by Wednesday, it is all tagged and put away. No such luck this week. The back alley wasn't dug out from the weekend's snow soon enough, so we trudged it all box by box through the front door (the trucking company only drops off at the door, the employees have to get it to the appropriate place in the shop), all 3 skids of it. And the mopping afterwards... *shudder* Thank goodness no one slipped.

Being 2 staff members short, we barely got the chance to get to tagging and stocking. Of course, the manager complains when she comes in that all of the work should have been done. This same manager who needed a week off to recoup from whatever it was that was keeping her from working (all i know is that she was in the hospital for a day or maybe 2 then was home the rest of the week), but managed to get in on Friday to look around. I was sick, throwing up in the garbage can beside the cash register, but she still needed her regularly scheduled day off. Nice...

The light at the end of the tunnel, for me, was that my holiday plans would not be ruined. I was actually going to get to see some of my family for a short time today. (e:Uncutsaniflush) has to work this morning, but has the afternoon free and i have an actual day off.

So, after he gets off work, we were going to hit the road to Hamilton, arrive early afternoon and hang out with my mom and dad, my brother, sister in law, their 2 kids and their new foster daughter, have dinner with them, open some gifts i have here for them....

But that was foiled. Seems someone forgot to tell someone else that someone else invited them somewhere. Would we be able to do lunch?

Nope. No can do. This afternoon is the only time i can see them this holiday.

Despite me being as clear as i could to my mom and to my sister in law via email that this is and will be the only chance for (e:Uncutsaniflush) and i to see them, they made other plans. These plans are to go to dinner elsewhere... and this morning, i found out that they will be having dinner at that same place the next day, too.

How is that for a "fuck you", huh? Not only will we not make space to see you, but we made double the space to see the other side of the family's sister... not my brother's side of the family's sister.. aka me.

Ah, and the "fuck you" extends to my mother... who, for the record, rarely cooks. This year, she not only bought food to cook, but baked deserts and treats. All in preparation for this afternoon and tonight when their household of 2 would swell to 9....

So, it's not just Canadian strangers that are rude... it's my family, too.

• sigh*