So, this may be more info than any of you want to know, but I am slightly emotional and drained as a result of my monthly visit from the this sucks why do I need a uterus fairy. I won't go into the gory details, but I can say this. The femaile body is complex thing. I spent the day before yesterday feeling sorry for myself, sad, depressed even, and tada, the next day, as I predicted, I was bleeding. I do not want to reinforce stereotypes of women and PMS, but I think there is some truth behing this myth. It is hard to talk about this kind of thing without seeming essentialist, but I do believe that a woman's body, her hormones, her cycle that follows that moon...is a complex and complicated relationship with the physical and the social. I guess my point would be, don't look at PMS as a bad thing, as something to be feared, as something to use as a lash against women who may or may not be menstruating. Obviously, being on my period makes me much more willing to talk about my personal life to almost strangers.
In other news, thanks for all the encouragement about Grad School. I know in my head that this should be a difficult time, that surely everyone has feelings of doubt at some point or another in their lives. It is good to hear this from real live human beings though.
Oh and the storm the other night was wicked cool. I dig lightening and thunder and crazy sideways rain. I do not however like blah, half assed rain that just makes for a wet day rather than an exciting evening.
I guess I should eat breakfast so I can start poppin pills.
Lauren's Journal
My Podcast Link
09/27/2007 11:12 #41353
Rain Rain Go away09/25/2007 12:46 #41319
MIACategory: school
Maybe some have noticed, others may not, but I have been MIA here at good ol Estrip. Perhaps I shall vent...
Classes are getting a little heavy and the real work hasn't even started yet. I hope I can maintain some hint of sanity throughout this semester.
Sometimes I want so desperatly to run back to new paltz and take the easy road...I was smart there. Smarter even, then other people, and here I can't help but feel like I don't belong here sometimes. That there was some mistake in the acceptance and now they wish they could take it back but they can't. I know this is ridiculous, but so is the mind.
I guess I also have issues with where I am life. I am still not so sure that i made it through undergrad, and did quite well. I don't always remember college, don't remember what it was like to be there, but I know that I am there once again, only this time its different, but not. I can't believe I am in grad school...how the hell did I get here? Do really deserve this?
When I went to New Paltz, I was young, ignorant, naive, all that jazz. I didn't know what I wanted to know, who I was, where I was headed. I remember being absolutely terrified. Yet, I made it through and now, here I am, feeling like I am back there again. But I guess this is how it goes in life. One thing is conquered, a bigger and more scary thing awaits around every turn. This is how you get better, grow, learn, become...
Even now I feel guilty for being on here. I should be reading, writing a paper, thinking about a research topic. We were talkiing in class yesterday about how suicides on college campuses tend to occur in Dec and May. I can't help but be cinical..is this type of pressure really necessary to gain an education? Who ever thought it was a good idea to have all of your big projects due in one week? And yet, people do it, survive, thrive even.
eh...fuck it. I chose to be here. I want to be here. I am paying to be here. Self doubt is stupid.
Classes are getting a little heavy and the real work hasn't even started yet. I hope I can maintain some hint of sanity throughout this semester.
Sometimes I want so desperatly to run back to new paltz and take the easy road...I was smart there. Smarter even, then other people, and here I can't help but feel like I don't belong here sometimes. That there was some mistake in the acceptance and now they wish they could take it back but they can't. I know this is ridiculous, but so is the mind.
I guess I also have issues with where I am life. I am still not so sure that i made it through undergrad, and did quite well. I don't always remember college, don't remember what it was like to be there, but I know that I am there once again, only this time its different, but not. I can't believe I am in grad school...how the hell did I get here? Do really deserve this?
When I went to New Paltz, I was young, ignorant, naive, all that jazz. I didn't know what I wanted to know, who I was, where I was headed. I remember being absolutely terrified. Yet, I made it through and now, here I am, feeling like I am back there again. But I guess this is how it goes in life. One thing is conquered, a bigger and more scary thing awaits around every turn. This is how you get better, grow, learn, become...
Even now I feel guilty for being on here. I should be reading, writing a paper, thinking about a research topic. We were talkiing in class yesterday about how suicides on college campuses tend to occur in Dec and May. I can't help but be cinical..is this type of pressure really necessary to gain an education? Who ever thought it was a good idea to have all of your big projects due in one week? And yet, people do it, survive, thrive even.
eh...fuck it. I chose to be here. I want to be here. I am paying to be here. Self doubt is stupid.
tinypliny - 09/25/07 23:48
Hang in there! Grad school + 1st semester = Same feeling as a frog gets when it wanders into the path of crocodiles on its way back into the water.
But the crocodiles are slow and lethargic and the frog slips into the water unmolested, despite the obvious threat.
Moral of the story = Crocodiles and Frogs don't make a team.
If you are wondering what all that meant, and managed to come up with an analogy from life to fit the story, Congratulations! I don't think you will have trouble coming up with your dissertation topic. :)
Hang in there! Grad school + 1st semester = Same feeling as a frog gets when it wanders into the path of crocodiles on its way back into the water.
But the crocodiles are slow and lethargic and the frog slips into the water unmolested, despite the obvious threat.
Moral of the story = Crocodiles and Frogs don't make a team.
If you are wondering what all that meant, and managed to come up with an analogy from life to fit the story, Congratulations! I don't think you will have trouble coming up with your dissertation topic. :)
jbeatty - 09/25/07 16:16
I feel your pain albeit on a different level I'm sure. This weekend I have three midterms. I have been cramming for the last few days, and starting to become a nervous wreck at this point. Everytime I do something even if it's productive in another sense, (ie cleaning the house) I feel slightly guilty that I'm not doing practice problems.
I feel your pain albeit on a different level I'm sure. This weekend I have three midterms. I have been cramming for the last few days, and starting to become a nervous wreck at this point. Everytime I do something even if it's productive in another sense, (ie cleaning the house) I feel slightly guilty that I'm not doing practice problems.
james - 09/25/07 13:59
Ya, everyone I knew that first year of grad school felt the same way.
If it makes you feel any better the semester is 1/3 over!
When the semester is over I owe you a bottle of wine/pack of beer/or what ever your demonic pleasures are.
Ya, everyone I knew that first year of grad school felt the same way.
If it makes you feel any better the semester is 1/3 over!
When the semester is over I owe you a bottle of wine/pack of beer/or what ever your demonic pleasures are.
chaibiscoot - 09/25/07 13:21
what you need is some 3-step loving as described in my post. special price for you.
seriously though, first semesters are notorius for bad behaviour, they want to kill you but you are always coming up with great, insightful comments in class and so, i am sure you will survive and thrive. since i have been in grad school forever, if you need to talk - let me know.
what you need is some 3-step loving as described in my post. special price for you.
seriously though, first semesters are notorius for bad behaviour, they want to kill you but you are always coming up with great, insightful comments in class and so, i am sure you will survive and thrive. since i have been in grad school forever, if you need to talk - let me know.
museumchick - 09/25/07 12:51
You definitely aren't alone in feeling that way.
It seems like most people I've talked to in the first semesters of the program have the same questions and doubts (as do I).
You definitely aren't alone in feeling that way.
It seems like most people I've talked to in the first semesters of the program have the same questions and doubts (as do I).
09/24/2007 20:13 #41297
Felly is a moronCategory: help!
Paul!
Felly is locked out of her estrip account. She tried to change her email and it says she has to confirm her email first, but no email was sent to her new email.
Please help!
Felly is locked out of her estrip account. She tried to change her email and it says she has to confirm her email first, but no email was sent to her new email.
Please help!
fellyconnelly - 09/24/07 22:53
thanks paul! you are my hero again!
but i went into my junk mail folder and searched for it and i swear it wasn't there! unless it was mislabeled as something that had to do with big breasted bolivian blonds and 12 inch pianists.
thanks paul! you are my hero again!
but i went into my junk mail folder and searched for it and i swear it wasn't there! unless it was mislabeled as something that had to do with big breasted bolivian blonds and 12 inch pianists.
twisted - 09/24/07 20:37
if Felly's new email account has a junk mail folder, tell her to check there too.
if Felly's new email account has a junk mail folder, tell her to check there too.
09/21/2007 13:19 #41231
I shouldn't be surprised...My exboyfriend just informed me of this. I don't really know anything about it other than they are and want to implant little bitty micro chips into HUMAN BEINGS for such nice little things like "patient identification" and "infant protection". Sounds fishy to me...
drew - 09/21/07 16:49
Just for future reference, most reputable biblical scholars think that "the mark of the beast," was actually just Roman currency.
But I forgot that our cat Nealie was spying on us. I never did trust her . . .
Just for future reference, most reputable biblical scholars think that "the mark of the beast," was actually just Roman currency.
But I forgot that our cat Nealie was spying on us. I never did trust her . . .
mrdeadlier - 09/21/07 16:26
wander prevention and asset tracking. "There are different names for the same thing"
wander prevention and asset tracking. "There are different names for the same thing"
james - 09/21/07 14:40
As my many posts and comments would indicate, I don't believe in Satan.
But that looks JUST like the mark of the beast!
Somehow we have managed to go about existing for 100,000 years without putting microchips in our skulls. But now we need to? Creepy as all hell. No thanks. Goodbye
As my many posts and comments would indicate, I don't believe in Satan.
But that looks JUST like the mark of the beast!
Somehow we have managed to go about existing for 100,000 years without putting microchips in our skulls. But now we need to? Creepy as all hell. No thanks. Goodbye
janelle - 09/21/07 14:21
Looks like the mark of the beast to me. Satan's work at its best!
I actually think the idea of microchips implanted in humans is creepy. I feel creeped out by the one implanted in my cat as though one day I'm going to find out that the government has been spying on my via my cats implanted microchip! Paranoid Janelle!
Looks like the mark of the beast to me. Satan's work at its best!
I actually think the idea of microchips implanted in humans is creepy. I feel creeped out by the one implanted in my cat as though one day I'm going to find out that the government has been spying on my via my cats implanted microchip! Paranoid Janelle!
09/21/2007 11:16 #41228
Disclaimer...It has been brought to my attention by my lovely girlfriend that I may indeed come off as a raging bitch in my posts and comments. I was completely unaware of this, but I value her opinions and anyone outside of me cause certainly I can't see myself as others do. I would like to take this time out to say I have never ever ever intentionally tried to sound mean or harsh or belittling to anyone on this site.
One thing to keep in mind. I am fairly immersed in the academic world. I eat, sleep, breathe criticism, analysation, etc. It is my job to disagree with people. And I do forget that in school, these people are not people, but theories, books, divorced from their authors because their authors are not there. Here I understand it to be a little more personal.
So, for those of you who have met me, you know that I am a fairly shy, soft spoken kind of girl. Please picture me when reading these posts and know that I have no intentions other than good clean disagreements and thought provoking dialogue. And also, please please please criticise me. Someone said "don't take this as a criticism" although it indeed was and I am A-OK with that. How the hell else do you learn? And finally, we all know that computers and blogging and all that crap lack a certain human finesse that makes it difficult to soak up tone of voice, sarcasm, emphasis and the like, so know that I may read one way, but if you and I were chatting over coffee, chances are I would sound a whole lot different.
OkOKOk, last but not least. I understand that I am quite radical in my views. I am even radical amongst many feminists and I am OK with that. I am not surprised that people disagree with me much of the time. That doesn't mean, however, that I am not going to share my views on whatever it is that I am thinking about at the moment, or that I will not address a comment for the sake of being nice......Deal?
One thing to keep in mind. I am fairly immersed in the academic world. I eat, sleep, breathe criticism, analysation, etc. It is my job to disagree with people. And I do forget that in school, these people are not people, but theories, books, divorced from their authors because their authors are not there. Here I understand it to be a little more personal.
So, for those of you who have met me, you know that I am a fairly shy, soft spoken kind of girl. Please picture me when reading these posts and know that I have no intentions other than good clean disagreements and thought provoking dialogue. And also, please please please criticise me. Someone said "don't take this as a criticism" although it indeed was and I am A-OK with that. How the hell else do you learn? And finally, we all know that computers and blogging and all that crap lack a certain human finesse that makes it difficult to soak up tone of voice, sarcasm, emphasis and the like, so know that I may read one way, but if you and I were chatting over coffee, chances are I would sound a whole lot different.
OkOKOk, last but not least. I understand that I am quite radical in my views. I am even radical amongst many feminists and I am OK with that. I am not surprised that people disagree with me much of the time. That doesn't mean, however, that I am not going to share my views on whatever it is that I am thinking about at the moment, or that I will not address a comment for the sake of being nice......Deal?
drew - 09/21/07 16:53
Yeah. You've played nice. I don't like to hold back in discussion either, and I don't with people that I know well and trust (you should here me and my super-conservative Dad talk politics!) Anyway, don't "play nice" on my account, although if we ever really do have a hard-core discussion, we should do it in person.
Yeah. You've played nice. I don't like to hold back in discussion either, and I don't with people that I know well and trust (you should here me and my super-conservative Dad talk politics!) Anyway, don't "play nice" on my account, although if we ever really do have a hard-core discussion, we should do it in person.
janelle - 09/21/07 13:34
I haven't viewed you as "Raging anything". I guess I had the benefit of meeting you. I think your posts are articulate and engaging, which aren't qualities that co-exists with raging.
But it's nice to have a loved one that helps you take a look at your image from fresh eyes.
I haven't viewed you as "Raging anything". I guess I had the benefit of meeting you. I think your posts are articulate and engaging, which aren't qualities that co-exists with raging.
But it's nice to have a loved one that helps you take a look at your image from fresh eyes.
jason - 09/21/07 12:22
Oh, I don't know. Josh and I are probably the most right wing people here (for New Yorkers, anyway, which is to say we're probably still Libs, hah) and I don't think we have ever said to ourselves that Lauren is being bitchy or whatnot. You seem very respectful, and keep it on topic instead of getting personal.
Personally speaking, I think it's great that we have a rad-fem on here. Some time ago, someone in the Philosophy department at UB convinced me of the academic value of Women's Studies. I still really scratch my head at what I perceive to be such a rigid ideological orthodoxy, but then again it sort of follows the same pattern we have been using for many other disciplines or schools of thought.
Anyhow, you made a step here that really is above and beyond what most people expect. That's cool.
Oh, I don't know. Josh and I are probably the most right wing people here (for New Yorkers, anyway, which is to say we're probably still Libs, hah) and I don't think we have ever said to ourselves that Lauren is being bitchy or whatnot. You seem very respectful, and keep it on topic instead of getting personal.
Personally speaking, I think it's great that we have a rad-fem on here. Some time ago, someone in the Philosophy department at UB convinced me of the academic value of Women's Studies. I still really scratch my head at what I perceive to be such a rigid ideological orthodoxy, but then again it sort of follows the same pattern we have been using for many other disciplines or schools of thought.
Anyhow, you made a step here that really is above and beyond what most people expect. That's cool.
well it's not so much that the blood grosses me out- but just that it seems like it would be an awful mess- what if you're in a public bathroom? pull the bloody thing out, and what, rinse it in the toilet?! Go out to the sink with your pants down and your hands all bloody to rinse it out, and then waddle back to your stall to put it back in? or don't rinse it, and just put it back?
Honestly, I'm curious... if it really is comfortable and convenient and not a big bloody mess/hassle, I'm willing to check it out
hehe milk is on the list of weird things that lauren refuses to enjoy.
Have you tried drinking milk? I've heard (back home) that warm milk can ease the symptoms.
Try the following experiment. A day or two before your next period, drink a lot more milk (warm; maybe with hot cocoa?). Try it for a few days, and see if the cramps, etc. are any better.
Lauren will often say to me 'you are going to bleed soon aren't you?' and there is part of me that wants to get defensive and then there is the other part of me that knows she's right.
the cup thing does kind of bother me, but that is expected for anything 'newfangled' involving the body.
You should do a blog post reviewing the cup! I'm definitely interested. I looked into the cup in the past and wasn't entirely convinced... especially about whether or not you can feel it. Cause I use nuva ring and despite what they say, I can feel it sometimes.
Oh, and i forgot to say, your reaction, (e:Jenks), is part of what i was talking about. Why are we grossed out by this?
(e:Jenks)... i'm sorry, but i have to say it. You're a surgeon. You cut people open for a living. And your own menstrual blood skeeves you out?!?!?
The answer to your question is yes, that is exactly what is done with menstrual cups. Instead of a dried up piece of cotton (aka tampon) inside your vagina, there's a cup and you dump it out and flush it like pee instead of throw the blood soaked cotton into the trash (or down the loo, clogging everyone's sewers).
oh yeah, and I'm all for saving the environment and all- but I have to say those cups skeeve me out a bit. You collect your blood in a cup, then dump it out, wash the cup, and put it back in?! Lee, I look forward to a full report!
While I will acknowledge that women's hormones vary throughout the month (duh, can't really deny that one) and I don't that people can get teary, etc- I just HATE HATE HATE when people (usually not the woman herself) use it as some sort of defense. Like "what's the matter with you? Oh I know, you must have your period." Or when women do shitty things and then blame it on PMS.
There are so many people out there that totally fear PMS, so i can understand your reaction, (e:Jason).
But, the thing is, once we know that is all that it is and we aren't going crazy, then the bitch fest can sometimes ease. And, not to justify it, but some of us use it as an excuse to being a real life every day bitch.
It takes effort, practice, patience and forethought for those of us that suffer emotionally to overcome and function.
That said, i think that there is nothing wrong at all talking about menstruation. It's part of our lives for so long on such a regular basis. So why do we need to be ashamed? Why is it a secret? Why are there so many euphemisms for the time when we start to bleed? Why is it too personal to talk about something that over half the population does monthly (or 28 days or however long our cycle is)?
I cannot think of any reason whatsoever to not talk about it. To not be ashamed of it. To not think of it as so personal we need to hide (not that you did, but it is just what i think so many women do!).
That said, have you heard about menstrual cups?
Diva Cup -- :::link:::
The Keeper -- :::link:::
The Mooncup Uk :::link:::
I just got a DivaCup at the co-op. A bit of a learning curve to using it, but i am willing to try so i don't tax the already overtaxed garbage system with my used feminine hygiene products any more than i already have! :)
Don't fear PMS? Now that would be a giant leap of faith for me. Some of the most awful things (nearly unforgivable) ever said to me were propagated by ex-girlfriends receiving a visit from their uterus fairy. Most times, I would rather hide under a blanket.