Ok so, we went to this place. You walk through a non-descript door on main street next to Hyatts and are faced with a long steep stairway. As soon as you open the door you can hear the music eminating from the very top floor. From the first landing you walk through another door and are suddenly surrounded by bright large graphic grafiti and if you turn your head to the left, something beautiful and new awaits.

This was perhaps one of the most beautiful things I have ever seen. There is something so magnetic, inspiring, sensual about dance and something even more specific about this kind of dance. to see a group of men (yes there were 3 girls of the perhaps 30 or so men) gathered around eachother, sharing how to's, friendly hugs, no sense of unbridled testertone at all...and the competition was nothing other than a way to organize the thing, rather than an excuse to pit people against eachother. They always gave each other hugs or props or both before and after each battle and it was clear that for the most part it was genuine.

And when these men dance, holy shit do they dance! I have seen this kind of thing online, on TV, but to see it in person...to see these skinny little boys do these crazy things was...well...unreal. And perhaps the biggest part of it all was how small and warm it felt. It was not some performance with them onstage and us far far away in rows of seets. We were up close, personal, some close enough to be hit in the head with flying windmill legs if they weren't careful. You could see the sweat, the deep breaths, the facial expressions on each and every one.

OK...obviously I was taken by this whole thing. I can't wait to go next month and I will be sure to remind all your asses about it when the time comes because I think everyone should see this at least once in their lives. And as for me, I think I might be taking up some dancing of my own.

Today has been fairly productive for me. I wrote a paper that is due on Monday and I cleaned the entire apt. and I am waiting on my laundry that is in the dryer. After that I plan on a nice hot shower and reading some Socialist/Marxist feminist theory until my love comes home and we go to see some kind of break dancing battle thingy on main st. should be fun.

Oh yes, and we are going to Darien Lake on Sunday to have a little end of the season fun with Felly's family. I have a strange love hate relationship with rollercoasters. Felly and I both went on the tallest, fastest rollercoaster in the world, Kingda Ka, last year. Pretty sweet. I am going to miss however, Six Flags Fright Fest...we went last year to New Jersey and it was a great time, even if it was freazing, but alas, darien lake is no longer six flags so, no fright fest for laurens.

I was considering writing my opinion on this...box cutter robber guy, but I don't think I am going to get into it...there is too much possibility for unmitigated ramblings and the like. I will say this. Men will never understand what it means to be constantly afraid, to be constantly told not to go out alone. Women's movements are policed by men, and our freedom is greatly inhibited in this so called"land of the free". I find it disgusting that it is women who must make changes to our lives as a solution to this problem. We continue to blame the victims in these situations and it is no fucking surprise that men continue to perpetrate such heinous crimes.

So, this may be more info than any of you want to know, but I am slightly emotional and drained as a result of my monthly visit from the this sucks why do I need a uterus fairy. I won't go into the gory details, but I can say this. The femaile body is complex thing. I spent the day before yesterday feeling sorry for myself, sad, depressed even, and tada, the next day, as I predicted, I was bleeding. I do not want to reinforce stereotypes of women and PMS, but I think there is some truth behing this myth. It is hard to talk about this kind of thing without seeming essentialist, but I do believe that a woman's body, her hormones, her cycle that follows that moon...is a complex and complicated relationship with the physical and the social. I guess my point would be, don't look at PMS as a bad thing, as something to be feared, as something to use as a lash against women who may or may not be menstruating. Obviously, being on my period makes me much more willing to talk about my personal life to almost strangers.

In other news, thanks for all the encouragement about Grad School. I know in my head that this should be a difficult time, that surely everyone has feelings of doubt at some point or another in their lives. It is good to hear this from real live human beings though.

Oh and the storm the other night was wicked cool. I dig lightening and thunder and crazy sideways rain. I do not however like blah, half assed rain that just makes for a wet day rather than an exciting evening.

I guess I should eat breakfast so I can start poppin pills.

Paul!

Felly is locked out of her estrip account. She tried to change her email and it says she has to confirm her email first, but no email was sent to her new email.

Please help!

Maybe some have noticed, others may not, but I have been MIA here at good ol Estrip. Perhaps I shall vent...

Classes are getting a little heavy and the real work hasn't even started yet. I hope I can maintain some hint of sanity throughout this semester.
Sometimes I want so desperatly to run back to new paltz and take the easy road...I was smart there. Smarter even, then other people, and here I can't help but feel like I don't belong here sometimes. That there was some mistake in the acceptance and now they wish they could take it back but they can't. I know this is ridiculous, but so is the mind.
I guess I also have issues with where I am life. I am still not so sure that i made it through undergrad, and did quite well. I don't always remember college, don't remember what it was like to be there, but I know that I am there once again, only this time its different, but not. I can't believe I am in grad school...how the hell did I get here? Do really deserve this?
When I went to New Paltz, I was young, ignorant, naive, all that jazz. I didn't know what I wanted to know, who I was, where I was headed. I remember being absolutely terrified. Yet, I made it through and now, here I am, feeling like I am back there again. But I guess this is how it goes in life. One thing is conquered, a bigger and more scary thing awaits around every turn. This is how you get better, grow, learn, become...

Even now I feel guilty for being on here. I should be reading, writing a paper, thinking about a research topic. We were talkiing in class yesterday about how suicides on college campuses tend to occur in Dec and May. I can't help but be cinical..is this type of pressure really necessary to gain an education? Who ever thought it was a good idea to have all of your big projects due in one week? And yet, people do it, survive, thrive even.
eh...fuck it. I chose to be here. I want to be here. I am paying to be here. Self doubt is stupid.