so,

seeing as how the site has been filled with feel good mantras popping up at the most (for me) inopportune moments, i felt it is necessary to provide a nice counter balance that will reflect my life philosophy which consists of "you suck, life sucks, fuck off"

instead of filling one with hope and inspiration, i feel we need words that will bring us down to grim reality and provide a much needed sobering for our disillusioned psyches.

so, i vow to write, each and every single day, in the spirit of (e:inspiraysean), a DEINSPIRATION for the soul.

here goes,

If doing your best is not enough, YVONNE, you probably are not good enough after all.

-The REALITY

i had the strangest dream last night.

dreamt about a three dimensional model of the probability of an event happening, if that makes any sense what so ever. it made sense in my head at the time.

in the dream i had this vision that every event in someone's life is suspended in a vacuum on an axis. the event then (in a three dimensional model) spirals from the bottom to the top of the axis where the whole length of the event is divided by half of the whole, infinitely and the lenght of the axis is the lenght of the event. and the further out one goes on the spiral the less probability there is that the event happened or that it was done by or happened to you. and so your entire life consist of these spirals perched on these axis'(or axi?) connected by their infinite (but visibly concrete) probability of happening or not. and existence was a big convoluted blob of 3-D spiral mounds of nothingness.

i'm not kidding, this really made a whole lot of sense last night and it was a lot easier to understand when i didn't have to use words to describe it.

there are so many movies out there that i want to see. maybe today i'll make a day of it. here is a list. I have to prepare myself for the oscars. What good is it watching the show if you have not seen the movies, granted, some of theser are not oscar material.

Children of Men
The Pursuit of Happyness
Dreamgirls (because Beyonce's body is dreamy)
Night at the Museum
Stomp the Yard (i was in the drill team in high school)
The Painted Veil (Edward Norton is my dream man)
Volver
Perfume
Babel
Blood Diamond (because Leonardo is dream man #2)
Bobby
Borat
The Queen (because although i'm not british, i do loooove the queen, i wish we had one)
Chrlotte's Web (who doesn't love this story)
the two Clint Eastwood movies (because theyre going to be nominated for a bunch of stuff, even though i don't like war movies)
Miss Potter (because it looks so damn cute)
Pan's Labyrinth (because it looks so damn cool)
Notes on a Scandal (because an adult and a 13 year old love story can't ever go wrong)

this is what I'm doing at work. I am going to have the most banging database known to man!

yes dogs can definitely get addicted. they had a piece on NPR about a dog who was addicted to frogs. she would catch poisonous frogs and suck on them until they had no poison left in them. i guess the frogs had hallucinogenic/euphoric effects. it got so bad at one point that the only thing the dog ever wanted to do, from the time she woke up to the time she went to bed, was to suck frogs. she would run into the back yard any chance she got and if someone was not there to let her out, she would sit by the back door and cry. once she did get out, she would bonkers until she actually found a frog. since the frogs were only around in the summer, the dog went through withdrawal every winter, but started right back up when the weather got warm. they tried everything to get her to stop but she would just find a way to get into the backyard, regardless. eventually, after a few years, for whatever reason, the dog calmed down, and no longer went bonkers for the frogs. she settled down and only sucked a few frogs a season.

kind of what happens to us as we get older, huh? we can't go on sucking frogs forever.