If I was confident that I wouldn't completely pass out, I would sneak into Fort Niagara tonight and engage in a star-gazing session. There is a hill, in the middle of the soccer field that would be a perfect spot to throw down a blanket and just look up at the universe.

Once I have an idea in my head, I tend to perseverate on it unil I do it. I take a look every night from my front yard.. but something is drawing me to that hill. Now that I think about it, I did something similar, back in February. (e:theecarey,96)

I took a 'friend' on a late night jaunt through the village, eventually ending up in the Fort. There was just a little bit of snow falling, which helped provide the ability to see in the "closed after dusk" state park. After walking down to the beach, and treking throughout the park, I (only me) climbed up the hill and layed down in the snow.. looking up at the sky, seeing just a few dim stars and plenty of clouds. And I thought.. I need to come back to look at the stars. Funny, that my friend didn't care for this spontaneous adventure. So while there was someone (kinda) with me, it was singularly experienced.. and what an experience it was. I was tickled by it for days. Ahh, lessons learned.

I've fallen asleep plenty of times laying under the stars, although it was usually in the backyard as a kid...and no concern for getting up for work. Or when camping..

I love camping. Enjoying the warmth and glow of a bonfire, the smokey/earthy smells, the standard nightmare of a wild Carey-eating bear tearing through my tent, sub-par showers (if any), being lazy (as in, lay in grass and read a book from start to finish), hiking and eating strange concoctions...whatever food that can be mustered together. .or ordering a pizza to the site, just because you find out that they do that, lol.

I've gone during the summer, I loooove going in the fall, I really want to try it in the winter--ok, maybe not in a tent (but I would try it).. but a lone cabin in the middle of the woods during a snow storm. All I require is good company, a good book, a bottle of wine and gummie bears. :)

With the sunny, mild weather, more people have been out. I saw plenty of fishermen and boaters out this weekend. Getting on a boat is an absolute must this summer. The lake water was replete with waves. I think today would have constituted an ideal day for lake surfing. The waves were of considerable size and they kept rolling in.

The view of Toronto was clearer than I have ever seen it. I could see buildings/structures for miles. It had an eerie quality to it, as the shape of the building outline reminded me of stonehedge structures.. and it was just odd to see it so well, 30 miles across the water. There are plenty of days that I can see the main buildings with the light reflecting off the windows.. but this weekend.. seeing so much more totally changed the view of the horizon. My camera does not pick up any of it. However, I did take plenty of nature pictures. I need to be on my other computer to load them..Those will come soon.

A good weekend was had, although it wore me out. So, instead of going outside where I am sure to drift to sleep standing up yet alone laying down, I choose to crawl into bed with a school book, that I will read until I pass out (ok, thinking I won't make it past the dust jacket!). I wrap up this post like I wrap up the weekend.. plenty tired and easily amused...and ready to get back to work in the morning.

Have a good night, everyone.

Carey

Yes.. another post.


Upon return home from school, I step out of my car and into the crisp night.

I breathe deep the refreshing air..

I never tire of the sounds of the night.. frogs and crickets..and whatever other creatures in the woods...

I don't want to go inside yet.. so I don't. Instead, I walk up and down my driveway, staring up at the stars, breathing, listening..

The clarity of everything in the night is amazing..

Its just.. amazing.. yeh..

When was the last time you looked up at the stars?


Good night..


ps.. new song

I am in class.

I sometimes (often) have trouble maintaining my focus on the lecture portion of the evening. The class runs 5 hours... after a full day at work.. and I often come to class early (yeh, yeh, say what you must).. it all makes for a very long day. Not that I would change a thing ;)

Well, except for the paper I wrote today.

22-23 pages. I'm neither gloating nor complaining. I am..

FREAKING OUT! (well, thats an over statement.. let me continue)

I think I may have "missed the marK" on it. I interpreted the expected deliverables in a manner that is different than what the instructor expects. UH OH.

I've been known to take "artistic licsense" in my writing, research and eventual end product. I take risks.. I know what I am writing about, it is well organized and it has a point, really.. :) In the past, my work has been regarded as exceptional.. for taking those risks.
So, its one thing to purposely take the paper another route, quite another that I would have missed it without awareness. What is that?? How did I miss that?

Initially I freaked. Well, I began to get a little warm, getting all itchy--am I breaking out in hives? nah.. just need to get in the shower once in awhile.. ;) (if you are wondering, I am kidding). So, I feel a little parched.. heart is beating a little faster..

When I gave myself a moment to reflect on my actions, it came down to that fact that I am not deterred by ramifications that others impose on me. Whether I was aware of it or not, I chose this route. I had begun the paper utilizing a particular frame work, then I abandoned it. I thought my new idea was better than the original idea. (I didn't know that my original idea of how to set up the paper is what the expectation actually turned out to be). I had the opportunity to pull together another paper, during class if I had to. The task seemed daunting as I would have to abandon the information I had previously researched and written. Yet it wasn't that that stopped me from rewriting the paper. I decided to go ahead and hand in my creation. Not sure how it will go.. but I don't care. My only regret is not putting in as much time and effort as I should have.

This isn't a snag.. its a "wrinkle in my universe" to learn from :) Taking chances is good for character. The positives outway the negatives in my world. I'm not worried about poor grades, or external influences. Only the internal ones, in which, I will not allow myself to procrastinate to this degree ever again.

Anyhow, I would never do failing work. If anything, I sometimes do not perform to my own expectations. It is my work, I am taking what I want/need from the course and I test authority/expectations. Usually to the betterment of myself..

not to be a jerk :)

yeh.. 'cause I am sooo mean. arrrr!! grrrr!!

Anyhow...now I am super curious as to what the instructor thinks about my written creation, haha.

OoooOOOooohh class is about over..

got to go!

be good, friends..
Carey

Its so good to be back to work, although it will take awhile to get back into routine. Everything from sleeping, cooking, eating, cleaning, exercising has been off whille on break. I am working on the sleep schedule and trying to remember to eat and eat well. Cheerios and tuna doesn't cut it. I need to actually cook/prepare something. Everything else will fall into place within a few days.

I needed to clean my apartment.. and search for the missing spider-monster. It is still elusive.. bah Anyhow, I love the feeling of a freshly cleaned home. I lit some vanilla candles, added sandlewood oil to a diffuser, plugged in a set of patio lights (they were too nice to limit their use to outdoors in the summer), and set the iPod playlist to OAR and Morcheeba (oh, and a little Lords of Acid).

I did not attend to much school work today, other than working on an administrative problem (I am class rep for my program and do extra stuff as needed) . I will be doing all of the paper/project tomorrow after work. That is the only time I have to work on it.

This full time work-full time grad school- and class rep hat is making me feel a little fizzled. Partly because I am focused on the future and am concerned about my next step. I will be done in four months.. then what??? So instead of focusing my energy on class, I am burning out my thoughts on my impending time of transition. Now that I have written it and admitted this to myself, I can work harder at staying focused in the present.

So until tomorrow, I will rid myself of any substantial thought. I will just relax my mind, drink tea and allow myself to drift to sleep.

My deepest thought at the moment is this: Should I get bangs? lol.. yeh, I am actually asking about how to get my hair cut next. I told ya, nothing deep from here on out, tonight. So, on any given day it is long, wavy-curly-bed headish, parted down the middle or slightly to the side. Lightly layered/shaped for movement and remove heaviness. Sometimes I straighten it for a more polished look. Not sure how I came to wonder about bangs..

Oh and I want a PUPPY.. my biological dog clock is ticking or something.. I want a dog and I want one NOW. (I am not having children.. been planning on having a dog. Sounds like a good deal to me). This is what I have always wanted.. a yellow lab :)



It has come to my attention that I could have a dog of that size in my apartment. Now, its a matter of working on the landlord. I also have a lot to learn before I get a puppy.. but I really want one!!! NOW! :)

OK.. thats going to be it for now. Otherwise I delve into other, more substantial thoughts.. and this isn't allowed tonight.. besides, Im not up for writing three thousand words right now. ;)

So I end this with:

The lyrics to my user sound, which is, I'll Stand By You by The Pretenders. I like this song based on the lyrics. It has a nice sentiment... basically, you are there for that person no matter what..they are accepted as is, no matter what...

Oh, why you look so sad?
Tears are in your eyes
Come on and come to me now
Don't be ashamed to cry
Let me see you through
cause I've seen the dark side too
When the night falls on you
You don't know what to do
Nothing you confess
Could make me love you less

I'll stand by you
I'll stand by you
Won't let nobody hurt you
I'll stand by you

So if you're mad, get mad
Don't hold it all inside
Come on and talk to me now
Hey, what you got to hide?
I get angry too
Well I'm a lot like you
When you're standing at the crossroads
And don't know which path to choose
Let me come along
'cause even if you're wrong

I'll stand by you
I'll stand by you
Won't let nobody hurt you
I'll stand by you
Take me in, into your darkest hour
And I'll never desert you
I'll stand by you

And when...
When the night falls on you, baby
You're feeling all alone
You won't be on your own

I'll stand by you
I'll stand by you
Won't let nobody hurt you

I'll stand by you
Take me in, into your darkest hour
And I'll never desert you
I'll stand by you
I'll stand by you
Won't let nobody hurt you
I'll stand by you
Wont let nobody hurt you
Ill stand by you

Take Care
carey

Never too early to start thinking about the weekend:

Ideas??

here's one (e:vincent,35) brought to my attention:

Broadway Joes (3051 Main Street)
This Friday, April 28th
10pm
The Karma Policee www.myspace.com/tkpmusic




In other news..

ahh. Nope, got nuthin'

other than one or two ruminations..but, thats the standard operating procedure of my brain/heart


Proudly, I managed to do a little school work tonight. I had to send out a part of a group assignment, so atleast that much is done. Other school work is preparing a paper/project for a final due this week. This one has me nervous..


Off to do some late night tidying up before bed..

later peeps and sweet dreams!