i thought it would be awful, but it turned out quite nice. it involved lots of food(substandard, but fine) and sun and swimming. yay for swimming and hot tub! its like we((e:hodown) and myself) are so sunstarved that we just need to be out and catch the rays. now, what will i do wed-sat when she is not here? probably sit in the sun and return to my natural darker color.

not that any of this is exciting, but damn i love being outside.


p.s. i broke a margarita glass by the pool yesterday, oopsie.

im not going to show the pic, you can google it. a finger, or part of a finger was found in a customer's bowl of chili at a wendi's in ca. needless to say, i vow to never, ever, ever even think of eating there, ever. even though i didn't frequent it, and honestly i'd rather go hungry, but now, it just wont ever be an option. not even a baked potato.

secondly, i hate cheesy nightclubs/bars with big-fake-titted women who are hanging out of their skin=tight outfits. not to mention all of the glitter and eyeliner caked on the face. cograts girls, way to look cheap and classless.shit. ugh. for a place with a lot of money, these people just looked tacky and trashy. folks, money can buy glitter and gold and highlights up the wazoo, but your wazoo aint gonna be classy just cuz you got the cash.

so, it ll boils down to just staying home. can't we all just stay home and avoid the possibility that we may munch on a fingie or too-tan, fake blonde, plastic-looking types.

(e:hodown) will bring a source of comfort to my very disturbed heart, if she ever gets here.

oh buffalo, you are poor, but sometimes, i think, damnit, you hold your own, and you keep it real.

i know its impossible for everything to be perfect or even someplace close to it, but sometimes things just don't even work out anywhere near as pleasant as you would like them to be.

im feeling really guilty right now for not moving to az. my mother has done so much for me and still pretty much supports me, but we live so far apart. she has this brand new beautiful home and lives by herself. shes say she likes it and doesn't miss the old house, but sometimes she'll ask me, "Do you think I should move back to Buffalo?". of course i say no, and i know that would be a mistake, but, as long as we are apart, a piece of my heart is missing. i know you can't be with your mommy forever, but i just miss her so. she accepts me and loves me and shes very supportive. its hard to only gets her hugs a couple times a year now.

i know she gets really sad and even cries sometimes because she misses her children so much, and my brother will moving here this summer. i don't know. im too dramatic. lots of families live apart right?

anyway, it wouldnt be so bad if things were going ok with her brothers and sisters and mother here. they talk a lot, but she barely sees them. why did they invite her out here then? why do they always pick fights? why did nobosy listen when she told them my aunt was going to have problems(and now she is in year long rehab)? i see how her siblings treat her,and know that i never want my relationship with my own brother and sister to be like that.

so anyway. i know az is not where i want to be. not that i even know where i want to be.

im hungry.

everytime i write a damn entry, i loose it. i seem to be most careless butterfingered person around. i just can't keep track of things.

frappacino...mmmmmmmmmmmm. yea, yea. starbucks is baaaaad. but isn't it all. we are all going to die someday, why not be a glutton.

soon sister will join me in the AZ. joy be to god. i love my family. they are so fucked up. aunt in year long christian rehab. granny doing well, and will get haircut and do tomorrow. momma greatest ever. rich aunt and uncle being good at having houses and buying things.

for me. i just want a little sunshine and some decent wine. maybe trip to mexico?

note to self: never travel between screaming child and bathroom on airplane filled with cranky smelly nj people. ever again. i hope.

p.s. my sis saw karl lagerfeld today, for those of you who know who he is...how cool is that?

so, im here in the AZ. its great. sun, warmth, wireless internet. what more could a girl want?

well i would like some baja fresh, and i deserve it after being lodged between a screaming child and the bathroom for the 5 hr duration of my flight yesterday. oh yea, im never having children. haha.

so what can i say? life is good. i need shower. and the painters are here.

i kinda wish i had a companion. mom, ur cool, but, i need friend. where's (e:thesimeon) or (e:hodown)? ugh. you two.


p.s. my sister is one part funny, three parts biatch. and jason, im sure nobody really cares much about anyone elses journal around here, or do they? im just all about the new message system.