everyone hates me becuase im on vacation. well that just isn't fair. the rest of the time, im in school while you are all out having fun. i never get to go out, i never have the money. im always working or schooling, or just too tired.

soo, poo on you all.


i deserve this. and btw, while you are all out enjoying the summer fun, i will be inside, working or at school, enjoying more of the those wondeful 70 hours weeks. i don't feel quilty.


p.s. i love the sun. i hate the wind.

i mean my little character is anyway. awww, thanx paul! that thing is the sheezy for reezy.

now it is time for vaca cont'd. i am alone here with nothing really to do but sit in the sun and collect cancer cells. ah well, i shall return to the tundra soon enough.


btw, the tundra is full of lovely people...

i thought it would be awful, but it turned out quite nice. it involved lots of food(substandard, but fine) and sun and swimming. yay for swimming and hot tub! its like we((e:hodown) and myself) are so sunstarved that we just need to be out and catch the rays. now, what will i do wed-sat when she is not here? probably sit in the sun and return to my natural darker color.

not that any of this is exciting, but damn i love being outside.


p.s. i broke a margarita glass by the pool yesterday, oopsie.

im not going to show the pic, you can google it. a finger, or part of a finger was found in a customer's bowl of chili at a wendi's in ca. needless to say, i vow to never, ever, ever even think of eating there, ever. even though i didn't frequent it, and honestly i'd rather go hungry, but now, it just wont ever be an option. not even a baked potato.

secondly, i hate cheesy nightclubs/bars with big-fake-titted women who are hanging out of their skin=tight outfits. not to mention all of the glitter and eyeliner caked on the face. cograts girls, way to look cheap and classless.shit. ugh. for a place with a lot of money, these people just looked tacky and trashy. folks, money can buy glitter and gold and highlights up the wazoo, but your wazoo aint gonna be classy just cuz you got the cash.

so, it ll boils down to just staying home. can't we all just stay home and avoid the possibility that we may munch on a fingie or too-tan, fake blonde, plastic-looking types.

(e:hodown) will bring a source of comfort to my very disturbed heart, if she ever gets here.

oh buffalo, you are poor, but sometimes, i think, damnit, you hold your own, and you keep it real.

i know its impossible for everything to be perfect or even someplace close to it, but sometimes things just don't even work out anywhere near as pleasant as you would like them to be.

im feeling really guilty right now for not moving to az. my mother has done so much for me and still pretty much supports me, but we live so far apart. she has this brand new beautiful home and lives by herself. shes say she likes it and doesn't miss the old house, but sometimes she'll ask me, "Do you think I should move back to Buffalo?". of course i say no, and i know that would be a mistake, but, as long as we are apart, a piece of my heart is missing. i know you can't be with your mommy forever, but i just miss her so. she accepts me and loves me and shes very supportive. its hard to only gets her hugs a couple times a year now.

i know she gets really sad and even cries sometimes because she misses her children so much, and my brother will moving here this summer. i don't know. im too dramatic. lots of families live apart right?

anyway, it wouldnt be so bad if things were going ok with her brothers and sisters and mother here. they talk a lot, but she barely sees them. why did they invite her out here then? why do they always pick fights? why did nobosy listen when she told them my aunt was going to have problems(and now she is in year long rehab)? i see how her siblings treat her,and know that i never want my relationship with my own brother and sister to be like that.

so anyway. i know az is not where i want to be. not that i even know where i want to be.

im hungry.