i wake up at 530. my mom has surgery. i hate the hospital, i hate seeing my mom in an inferior position. i hate seeing her in any pain, it make me want to cry. today was supposed to be about her. we get home, after her operation, and everythig is going smoothly. i pull into the driveway, and my car is missing, my brother is not here. my car is missing, and so is my pearl ring. now, my car is at stake, and my ring is at a pawn shop somewhere. have i been that horrible of a sister? i honestly want to think the best of him, but how can i when he does this? the car, i am not as upset about. that ring means so much to me, my aunt gave i to for my 16th birthday, and it was the first piece of nice jewelry i owned, it was an heirloom, and held so many memories. now it is gone. i wanted to be strong for my mom today, but now i find myself crying and wondering how someone who sleeps in the room next to me could do something so awful.

My dear Tina,

All I know how is much I care about you, and that I simply wish for you to not feel this way anymore. I can't say I have or ever will know what it is lie to feel like you do now, but it sounds like the lonliest feeling ever. I love you,and I want you to know that. ....must take mommy to hospital, more later.

tina is coming back! i know, it's crazy, we thought she was gone for the summer, but she has come back to get some stuff. this means there will be a celebration of sorts, and of course, we should play spoons. when celebrating such a friends return, i feel that spoons is always appropriate.

"make new friends, but keep the old, one is silver and the other's gold."- when does a new friend become gold? tina, i think you have achieved the gold status.

i was thinking yesterday, while at work, about how everything, or many things in our lives are based around control and fear. It is the sick notion that sitting at the top of my work ladder, is a big fat ugly man with hair coming out of his ears, and nose, who relishes the fact that he has over 50 cameras in that store to make sure no one is stealing from him. You'd better not be fooling around, or idling, because Burt, "the Notarius" is watching. What a stupid, stupid, petty, rich bastard. That man makes so much money, and does nothing with it. He does not have any sort of scholarship fund, he doesn't seem to give to charity, he just seems fat. Maybe he buys only the best most fttening foods, with truffles in it, so he can mantain that sexy figure.

The strange thing is, that people seem to respect him, or think he is noble. Why can't we go back to the day when capitalism was thought of as evil? It is so horrible to think tht we live in a world, where our value is determined by how much money we have. Why is it that once people who were one day not wealthy, become wealthy, they become huge, greedy assholes, who only care about their money, and don't care that they have hair coming out of all of the holes in their head? I'm talking bout a revolution...when can we al live on that farm Paul?

Now that I think of it, teaching has become one of the only professions in which I think I could stand. It does not involve stores, or selling stuff. Kids are fun, and innocent, and just so much better than the evil adults.

P.S. Mike, there are no killers in your house, you are gonna be just fine. Tina has the same strange fear, but there are only so many murderers, and they are not just randomly hiding out, everytime the house is dark and peopleless. Well, maybe...

the flowers, they is perty. the theme of my day is tropical. just being in warm weather, and walking around in the sun, smelling the lilac trees, sitting in the garden. all of these just make life so much better. lets all make love to nature, oh yea baby.