i really really wish he would stop taking stuff from me. who knows what he has taken in the past year. why don't you just take everything? why don't you just spit in my face? that might get your point across quicker. just because i don't see you take, doesn't mean i wont find out. lets see: my car, my pearl and diamond ring, money, any drug you can find, cds, discman, headphones, more money. hey, maybe you could take me and sell me for money.

soon, it will all be over.

so much to do, so little time. wanting to sleep. i keep not being able to sleep at night and getting tired during the day. sleepovers are fun!

Change has a considerable psychological impact on the human mind. To the fearful it is threatening because it means that things may get worse. To the hopeful it is encouraging because things may get better. To the confident it is inspiring because the challenge exists to make things better.
-King Whitney Jr.
Inthe midst of the crazyness that is life, I have decided to take on a new art project. My home, that holds so much history, will soon be gone. I plan to make a video documentary including myself, and my grandmother, that willbridge the gaps in history to see what growing up in our family home has meant to us, over the past hundred years. It is tribute to family, and history, and the house that holds all of our families' memories. I will present it at the huge bash I plan to have for my mommy before she moves to the desert. Yikes, I have a lot to do. Yikes, this is going to be a hella good time.

let's see... I just feel very strange right now, the same way I felt all last night. It's hard to explain I guess; it seems I am feeling a mixture of things. I will try to explain further. Have you ever realized that you don't quite fit in where you used to? The place and people that were a part of you just seem like they have no clue. That is kinda it. I don't like it. Maybe the tv just completely put me off. Dont get me wrong, I do sometimes indulge in the horrible spectacle machine, but never when I am at a reunion of sorts with people I never see. Are we that conditioned just just turn on the picture box, rather than creating some sort of entertainment for ourselves? I should think that I have stuff to say, and that friends would want to hear it. Well, some people are still in the little bubble that they came into this world in. No, the Gap is not a good place to shop, and I don't care about their stupid tank tops. I don't care about American Idol, and who is going to win and produce one of the most horrible records ever. The Swan is awful too, and why would you ever want to become a lab rat, and let someone completely transform you without having any say, or even being able to see yorself. The power of transformation should be self-given. Why do Americans feed into such complete bullshit?

Sure, I like to shop, and wear makeup, and dress up, but I like who I am, and what I look like. I am not trying to look like J.lo or Britney, and I don't want to. I am sick of girls who obsess over being thin, as if it will bring happiness and glamour into their lives. Guess what ladies, you will only look sick and hungry. Plastic surgery is just bullshit; we are look different for a reaosn, and I believe that is what makes us beautiful. When it all comes down to it,who the hell cares? Life is about finding people that you can love, who will love you back. Life is about trying to make changes in a world that is in need of change. Life is about laughter, and friendship, and finding your place in the craziness. Life is not about t.v. Life is not about trying to be rich, or the most hot, or sexy. Just be who you are, and like it. there is nobody else out there quite like you.

I feel better now. I just had to get that out. Two years ago, I would have never thought like this. I guess it is when I started to become friends with PMT that I started to change. I didn't change becuase they said to, and I take everything anyone says with great assault, but, they have helped me to use my head a bit more. I still have a long way to go, but I just want to say thanx. Without your friendship, I would be lost, probably, in the Gap somewhere.

Now I shall go rollerblading to burn off the extra steam.

i wake up at 530. my mom has surgery. i hate the hospital, i hate seeing my mom in an inferior position. i hate seeing her in any pain, it make me want to cry. today was supposed to be about her. we get home, after her operation, and everythig is going smoothly. i pull into the driveway, and my car is missing, my brother is not here. my car is missing, and so is my pearl ring. now, my car is at stake, and my ring is at a pawn shop somewhere. have i been that horrible of a sister? i honestly want to think the best of him, but how can i when he does this? the car, i am not as upset about. that ring means so much to me, my aunt gave i to for my 16th birthday, and it was the first piece of nice jewelry i owned, it was an heirloom, and held so many memories. now it is gone. i wanted to be strong for my mom today, but now i find myself crying and wondering how someone who sleeps in the room next to me could do something so awful.