i was thinking yesterday, while at work, about how everything, or many things in our lives are based around control and fear. It is the sick notion that sitting at the top of my work ladder, is a big fat ugly man with hair coming out of his ears, and nose, who relishes the fact that he has over 50 cameras in that store to make sure no one is stealing from him. You'd better not be fooling around, or idling, because Burt, "the Notarius" is watching. What a stupid, stupid, petty, rich bastard. That man makes so much money, and does nothing with it. He does not have any sort of scholarship fund, he doesn't seem to give to charity, he just seems fat. Maybe he buys only the best most fttening foods, with truffles in it, so he can mantain that sexy figure.

The strange thing is, that people seem to respect him, or think he is noble. Why can't we go back to the day when capitalism was thought of as evil? It is so horrible to think tht we live in a world, where our value is determined by how much money we have. Why is it that once people who were one day not wealthy, become wealthy, they become huge, greedy assholes, who only care about their money, and don't care that they have hair coming out of all of the holes in their head? I'm talking bout a revolution...when can we al live on that farm Paul?

Now that I think of it, teaching has become one of the only professions in which I think I could stand. It does not involve stores, or selling stuff. Kids are fun, and innocent, and just so much better than the evil adults.

P.S. Mike, there are no killers in your house, you are gonna be just fine. Tina has the same strange fear, but there are only so many murderers, and they are not just randomly hiding out, everytime the house is dark and peopleless. Well, maybe...

the flowers, they is perty. the theme of my day is tropical. just being in warm weather, and walking around in the sun, smelling the lilac trees, sitting in the garden. all of these just make life so much better. lets all make love to nature, oh yea baby.

ladies: don't use tampons. just don't use them. they might get lost somewhere in there.

apparently not i. for a while now, i have been having the most awful dreams. the kind that include people you know, and situations that seem so real, that when you wake up, you are not sure if that really happened.

here's last night's: i was coming home from work and parked in the lot next to my house. for some reason i wasn't wearing pants, and my brother and his friend were in the driveway, so i scattered to find a pair. i found some shorts, and these girls i know from high school suddenly appeared with many shopping carts full of wine. then this man(who just so happens to be this dude i was talking and arguing about art with at alle st hardware last night) stops the girls and takes them away for having alcohol underage. he seems tob some sort of ub person, who enforces illegal activites. in the dream, he made sense. he then decides to question me, and seems puzzled and bothered by the fact that i am pantless. i rush to put some shorts on, and then as i get out of the car, he decides to search my bag. i have pot in it, that i was selling for my brother; just a dime bag for some guy at work, and im supposed to give him the weed back when i get home. the ub man takes the pots and threatens all this stuff; i start crying and trying to explain that it isn't mine. i steal it back, he takes iagain, and this repeats for a while. then my mom and brother cme outside. my mother seems to know what is going on and at first seems angered, and then amused, but she nevers tries to help me. finally, i get out of it, and give the pot back to the brother. the end.

right after this saga, i woke up sweating like crazy, and feelin kinda pukey. its 730, i went to bed after 2, why am i up?

I hate being tired and wanting to go to bed, but can't. Something is wrong. Ce n'est pas bon.

The more I go out, the more I dislike it. I don't like being around people that are really drunk, or just any sort of drunk person in general.

Alcohol is ok, and I enjoy one or two drinks, but recently, any ore than that just makes me vomit. The thought of being drunk does not appeal to me, and I just feel strange after a while. I can't ever sleep that night or eat the next day. I guess any sort of love for alcohol I had is gone. I enjoy it in very small doses, and not that often. These feelings, I take as a blessing. Lots of drinking isn't good, and it just makes me feel bad.

I am glad it is summer. I am glad i'm not a dirty old man. I'm happy to have a brain. I'm glad I get to go to bed now. What a strange night.

Does anyone have a flower press? The plants are growing and I want to make pretty things with them!