Have you seen that commercial where a man is sitting at his kitchen table with Abe Lincoln and a beaver playing poker? His dreams tell him how much they miss him?

My dreams let me know they have been missing me. I was missing them too. I realized it had been soooooo long since I had dreams. Really. I wake up so much in my sleep that I hardly get to enter REM cycle, which is incredibly disturbing.

I am happy to report that with the new meds I've been taking I have finally been able to sleep for a few hours continuously!!! As a result I have my dreams back!!!!

1. (e:Joshua) was getting married to this uber bridezilla biotch! I have no idea who she was but she was a misserable goober! The entire atmosphere was dark. It was dark outside, everyone was dressed in black, they were riding in a herse! (sp?) All the trees were dead, it was windy, and they got married on the porch of this half burned down black house. Creeeeeepy!

2. This one was disturbing. I was chillin with (e:Leetee) in some strange little antique shoppe. I went upstairs to use the toilets and saw (e:Nejifer) and (e:Uncutsaniflush) having an affair in a fur coat closet! Then the place was flooded with pugs! They were everywhere!

My excitement over a wonderful shower has been dashed. I split my time between 2 offices which means I have to close up shop in one place, go get my bike and carry all my gear down a block and across the street to the other office.

When I got to my bike today I was greeted with a busted tire! Not just flat, the tube exploded. Meep!

What is with my transportation traumas? My car blew up, after it blew a tire, my other bike blew both tires, and now my brand new bike blows a tire.

I thought about this as I sweated my way over to the office with my bike in tow. I'm bummed of course. I'd figure out how to take the bus, but I have 10 cents in my bag and the tokens (e:Paul) gave me are at home.

Anyhow, I was thinking about my thinking. Does 'stuff happen to me' as I always say, or does s'tuff happen' and how I react to it is what happens to me? Does that make sense?

I believe it's the latter. It's not the end of the world, it's just a bike tire. It just stinks because I got this bike to replace my more favorite bike that was broken and I don't have money to fix another problem. I was really enjoying my bike rides.

I love my job. It's a fun office, or I should say offices, to work in. I like the people, I like what I do, and I can't wait to interact with the itnernational students I've been corresponding with for several months. Today however, was icing on the cake.

As you all know, it's a bazillion degrees outside. I commute on my bicycle. I'm not gonna lie, this heat is kicking my ass! It makes it harder to breath and about 5 times longer to cool off once I stop. All summer long I've arrived at work a ltitle sweaty, but I bring a little towel to wipe down with and I got myself a tiny desk fan. It's all good.

Yesterday was miserable. I couldn't seem to cool down at all. Today...I thought I was going to have a heat stroke! I was so red and sweaty my boss actually let me go take a shower in the dorms! Yah, I was smelly too. But how cool is that!? They actually let me go take a shower. The summer work study is also an RA, so she let me use her shampoo and soap. It was brilliant. I smell great, feel SO much better, and I'm not dying. Yay! Ciao.

I'm starting to feel a little bit like me again. I want to be back so badly and it's such a daily struggle, but I've been working hard at it. Something (e:Terry) said to me at the housewarming party really stuck with me. He said I was simply too hard on myself and don't give myself enough credit. It's true. I know I don't. That's part of what depression is. It's hard to focus on the good when all you see is the bad. It's hard to focus period.

I went with (e:Libertad) to another one of his Soka Gakkai meetings. It was so refreshing to be in a room full of people who were absolutely glowing inside. Yes, we all have problems in varying degrees. No one is immune to reality. But how we cope with life can in fact control us. I really tried to take the time, while they were chanting, to do a meditation. For the first time in a loooooong time, I felt a bit of peace in my heart and in my mind. Yes, I have a pile of troubles on my shoulders. Serious troubles that impact my life daily. But even if for that moment, I was free. I could breath, I wanted to smile and jump and clap my hands and do cartwheels.

The best part is, I didn't need a single drink or drug to feel that way. That is how I know a little piece of me came back. That is who I was all along. I am a beautiful person, inside and out. I'm not going to let anyone tell me otherwise, anymore. I'm not going to tell myself otherwise anymore. I am going to continue on my quest for peace and to bring vitality into my life once again.

I always enjoy a good ren-fest. In my honest opinion, Sterling is not the greatest rather it's the closest. Some 2.5 hours Northeast of here lies a little village nestled in steep hillside. I simply don't understand why people try bringing their babies in strollers. This place is mud, gravel and mulch on very steep inclines. Eh.

There are a number of comedy sketches, musical performances, hand crafted artworks, and games to play. They do havea jousting field but the level of showmanship leaves much to be desired. The horses are beautiful though! Here are a few pics. Ciao.



telling the story of Beowulf through mud...I wanted to jump in soooo bad


his 'slingshot' weapon, a quadruple H bra


steak on a stick, hmmmm


that black blur is a hawk


my sis-in-law grooming her tail


me and big sis, muah!


so beautiful


the way this horse's head is tilted just makes me laugh


watching the joust


3 hoozah's for red and gold


yup, that's me!