I'm starting to feel a little bit like me again. I want to be back so badly and it's such a daily struggle, but I've been working hard at it. Something (e:Terry) said to me at the housewarming party really stuck with me. He said I was simply too hard on myself and don't give myself enough credit. It's true. I know I don't. That's part of what depression is. It's hard to focus on the good when all you see is the bad. It's hard to focus period.
I went with (e:Libertad) to another one of his Soka Gakkai meetings. It was so refreshing to be in a room full of people who were absolutely glowing inside. Yes, we all have problems in varying degrees. No one is immune to reality. But how we cope with life can in fact control us. I really tried to take the time, while they were chanting, to do a meditation. For the first time in a loooooong time, I felt a bit of peace in my heart and in my mind. Yes, I have a pile of troubles on my shoulders. Serious troubles that impact my life daily. But even if for that moment, I was free. I could breath, I wanted to smile and jump and clap my hands and do cartwheels.
The best part is, I didn't need a single drink or drug to feel that way. That is how I know a little piece of me came back. That is who I was all along. I am a beautiful person, inside and out. I'm not going to let anyone tell me otherwise, anymore. I'm not going to tell myself otherwise anymore. I am going to continue on my quest for peace and to bring vitality into my life once again.
Ladycroft's Journal
My Podcast Link
07/26/2006 11:11 #25435
pieces of meCategory: deep thoughts
07/25/2006 12:04 #25434
sterling renaissance festivalCategory: festival
I always enjoy a good ren-fest. In my honest opinion, Sterling is not the greatest rather it's the closest. Some 2.5 hours Northeast of here lies a little village nestled in steep hillside. I simply don't understand why people try bringing their babies in strollers. This place is mud, gravel and mulch on very steep inclines. Eh.
There are a number of comedy sketches, musical performances, hand crafted artworks, and games to play. They do havea jousting field but the level of showmanship leaves much to be desired. The horses are beautiful though! Here are a few pics. Ciao.
telling the story of Beowulf through mud...I wanted to jump in soooo bad
his 'slingshot' weapon, a quadruple H bra
steak on a stick, hmmmm
that black blur is a hawk
my sis-in-law grooming her tail
me and big sis, muah!
so beautiful
the way this horse's head is tilted just makes me laugh
watching the joust
3 hoozah's for red and gold
yup, that's me!
There are a number of comedy sketches, musical performances, hand crafted artworks, and games to play. They do havea jousting field but the level of showmanship leaves much to be desired. The horses are beautiful though! Here are a few pics. Ciao.
telling the story of Beowulf through mud...I wanted to jump in soooo bad
his 'slingshot' weapon, a quadruple H bra
steak on a stick, hmmmm
that black blur is a hawk
my sis-in-law grooming her tail
me and big sis, muah!
so beautiful
the way this horse's head is tilted just makes me laugh
watching the joust
3 hoozah's for red and gold
yup, that's me!
metalpeter - 07/26/06 18:59
Nice Pics thanks for sharing.
Nice Pics thanks for sharing.
shawnr - 07/25/06 21:12
I went to a period wedding at the Sterling Ren Fest once. It was pretty much insane. Everyone was wearing tights.
Great pix.
I went to a period wedding at the Sterling Ren Fest once. It was pretty much insane. Everyone was wearing tights.
Great pix.
07/21/2006 14:50 #25433
i miss you grammaCategory: potpourri
I'm putting together letters for work. I assist international students through the admissions and immigration process at Canisius. I get a report print-out of every letter generated so I can keep track of this process. When I opened up one of these reports my Gramma's address showed up. I was confused at first, thought I was seeing things. Then I realized it was in Ontario. Euclid Avenue is not exactly a super common street name but the fact that it was the same house number really hit me. Then I opened my phone to get a number and my Gramma's number popped up. I really, really miss her.
07/20/2006 12:42 #25432
lament for aqua mouseCategory: potpourri
I enjoy riding my bike. Sometimes I'm tired or my ass hurts but I get used to it in a few minutes and I'm ok. Overall I look forward to my daily commute to and from work. I'm getting used to seeing familiar cars pass me by, other regular cyclists on the road and little old ladies watering their flower gardens in moo-moos and slippers. I've only had one negative incident where some fuck-ass actually honked at me and told me to get out of his way; I was in the bicycle lane on Richmond. Yep, minding my own beeswax in my private lane and some gorilla in an ice cream truck gives me grief.
Really my point is I miss Aqua Mouse. She went out in a blaze of glory, literally. So, she's off the road and the market for parts. Meep.
Really my point is I miss Aqua Mouse. She went out in a blaze of glory, literally. So, she's off the road and the market for parts. Meep.
libertad - 07/21/06 10:26
I don't always follow the rules all the time. Sometimes I ride on the sidewalk even though it is illegal. When I have to do this, I try and be extra cautious of pedestrians.
I don't always follow the rules all the time. Sometimes I ride on the sidewalk even though it is illegal. When I have to do this, I try and be extra cautious of pedestrians.
leetee - 07/21/06 10:11
Yeah, i'm so bad at not following street rules while riding my bike. As you know, (e:Ladycroft) ! I know how much it reflects poorly on other riders. I know that i should be following the rules. It's just so dangerous to follow those rules because no one sees me there as a cyclist. I guess, for me, it's a bit of a vicious circle... what came first, the lack of respect for cyclists or the cyclists being road anarchists?
Yeah, i'm so bad at not following street rules while riding my bike. As you know, (e:Ladycroft) ! I know how much it reflects poorly on other riders. I know that i should be following the rules. It's just so dangerous to follow those rules because no one sees me there as a cyclist. I guess, for me, it's a bit of a vicious circle... what came first, the lack of respect for cyclists or the cyclists being road anarchists?
jenks - 07/21/06 06:14
yeah I agree- IF we follow the rules on our bikes, we should be treated right. But if those who want the best of both worlds- on the sidewalks, AND in the road- not stopping at red lights since "lights are for cars", etc- they deserve to be honked at.
yeah I agree- IF we follow the rules on our bikes, we should be treated right. But if those who want the best of both worlds- on the sidewalks, AND in the road- not stopping at red lights since "lights are for cars", etc- they deserve to be honked at.
metalpeter - 07/20/06 20:18
It is verry true that drivers don't often reconize bikes and don't know the rules about them and don't get them. One of the other problems is that some people who ride bikes in the street don't follow those laws. That hurts people who ride them the right way and do what they are supposed to do. Do you remember a few years back when the cops supposidly beat up some bikers near wilson farms on elmwood and summer. That was actully a rally that was supposed to bring more awareness of bikers in the street. Then the other factor is that often people ridding bikes don't go as fast as cars so that upset drivers who have to be somewhare 10 minutes ago or arn't patient enough to relise you have the same right to be there as them.
It is verry true that drivers don't often reconize bikes and don't know the rules about them and don't get them. One of the other problems is that some people who ride bikes in the street don't follow those laws. That hurts people who ride them the right way and do what they are supposed to do. Do you remember a few years back when the cops supposidly beat up some bikers near wilson farms on elmwood and summer. That was actully a rally that was supposed to bring more awareness of bikers in the street. Then the other factor is that often people ridding bikes don't go as fast as cars so that upset drivers who have to be somewhare 10 minutes ago or arn't patient enough to relise you have the same right to be there as them.
libertad - 07/20/06 19:09
It really burns me up when motorists fail to recognize that bicyclists have every right to be there. We are bound by the same laws, we are to go with traffic and obey all traffic signals and such. As theecarey would say "Gasholes!"
It really burns me up when motorists fail to recognize that bicyclists have every right to be there. We are bound by the same laws, we are to go with traffic and obey all traffic signals and such. As theecarey would say "Gasholes!"
07/18/2006 15:35 #25431
sail away, sail away, sail awayCategory: sailing
I got to go home Friday and spend the night with my family. My nephew Max is too friggin cute and my new nephew Ryan is too friggin yellow! Poor little guy had jaundice real bad so he had to go back in the hospital for some special baby tanning. He's home now and looking much better according to mom. Oh! Ryan's daddy showed up too, so that was a nice surprise.
the little peanut
daddy
napping with his cousin max
Sunday I went sailing for the first time ever. A new acquaintance invited me and a few friends out and I snapped up the opportunity in a jiffy. I've never been on a sailboat but I've always wanted to learn how to sail. My friend Dan and (e:Theecarey) joined me as first timers. Sadly, we hardly made it out on the lake when Dan began heaving-ho. Poor kid lost his lunch and all his Gatorade in repeated hurls starboard side. Carey wasn't feeling so hot either but didn't blow chunks. We had to come back in and let them off. I had not had enough fun for my day, so I went back out with the boys.
Interestingly, the friend joining my new acquaintance was the same guy that randomly made out with me on St. Patties Day. In times like these I'm reminded just how small Buffalo is. Once we were back on the water they pretty much let me man the helm. The rocking of the boat almost put me to sleep a few times. I was just lazing about when I heard, "I wonder what the poor people are doing today". Some guy yelled this as he waved to us in passing. What kind of shit is that?
the little peanut
daddy
napping with his cousin max
Sunday I went sailing for the first time ever. A new acquaintance invited me and a few friends out and I snapped up the opportunity in a jiffy. I've never been on a sailboat but I've always wanted to learn how to sail. My friend Dan and (e:Theecarey) joined me as first timers. Sadly, we hardly made it out on the lake when Dan began heaving-ho. Poor kid lost his lunch and all his Gatorade in repeated hurls starboard side. Carey wasn't feeling so hot either but didn't blow chunks. We had to come back in and let them off. I had not had enough fun for my day, so I went back out with the boys.
Interestingly, the friend joining my new acquaintance was the same guy that randomly made out with me on St. Patties Day. In times like these I'm reminded just how small Buffalo is. Once we were back on the water they pretty much let me man the helm. The rocking of the boat almost put me to sleep a few times. I was just lazing about when I heard, "I wonder what the poor people are doing today". Some guy yelled this as he waved to us in passing. What kind of shit is that?
vincent - 07/18/06 20:24
Remember, LEVEL REGATTA July 28,29,30 in good old Y-Town!!!
Remember, LEVEL REGATTA July 28,29,30 in good old Y-Town!!!
theecarey - 07/18/06 16:29
I had my aways message that day as "sail away sail away sail away"! (enya)
Random Dude looks fried in that bottom picture. He didnt take my offer on sunscreen. He's gotta be hurting this week! For the record, I didnt bail due to not feeling hot, although, it definitely bolstered my decision to go with Dan,ha. It was good timing for getting back to school work, as it was already past 4 pm-- and even though I brought my books with me, it just wasnt happening on that boat. :) (not that I got around to much once home, tummy still felt a little funny)
Had fun.. soooo glad I didnt spew. Not sure how well cucumber, spinach & avacado sandwhich would be coming back up! ewwwww!! Next time, I shall remember the dramamine!
Maybe I can hook us up with some jet skiing / jet boat/ski do/ soon. awe yeah.
ooh, Look for my sunglasses, as I didnt find them in my car. Not sure where I left them.. perhaps by Chews tank? They are huge and black.
ok, this was more than a comment :)
I had my aways message that day as "sail away sail away sail away"! (enya)
Random Dude looks fried in that bottom picture. He didnt take my offer on sunscreen. He's gotta be hurting this week! For the record, I didnt bail due to not feeling hot, although, it definitely bolstered my decision to go with Dan,ha. It was good timing for getting back to school work, as it was already past 4 pm-- and even though I brought my books with me, it just wasnt happening on that boat. :) (not that I got around to much once home, tummy still felt a little funny)
Had fun.. soooo glad I didnt spew. Not sure how well cucumber, spinach & avacado sandwhich would be coming back up! ewwwww!! Next time, I shall remember the dramamine!
Maybe I can hook us up with some jet skiing / jet boat/ski do/ soon. awe yeah.
ooh, Look for my sunglasses, as I didnt find them in my car. Not sure where I left them.. perhaps by Chews tank? They are huge and black.
ok, this was more than a comment :)
I think that's awesome! Very very cool.
I think Msr. Carr is kicking me out. I'm too much of a bad ass (or scared to get on the phone at most times, one or the other).
Thanks for the kind words about the Soka Gakkai. I haven't forgotten about the cd I promised. We should talk sooon. I'm also glad to hear that some clowds are lifting in your life. I always try to remember that it does get better when I'm having hard times.
I'm glad that things are going well for you (yeah bad wording but You know what I mean). I wish you luck on things continuing that way and you getting even better.
yay! I'm happy for you. :)
That's cool. Good for you. Maybe I show go and see if the monkey will get off my back
Well you are going to have a good day today.
Anytime you look at the clock and see 1:11 or 11:11 You make a wish.
Yea, I listen to too much late night a.m. radio.
when i first met you, i thought you were the epitome of the laid back, open-minded, free spirited chick. and over time i watched that spirit fade and slowly you became a person i didn't know. but lately i watched you open up again. i've seen you let things roll off your back. and i've certainly seen you smile and laugh a hell of a lot more!! it's so lovely that you've come to the realization of what we've all known all along. you are BEAUTIFUL and i'm so very proud that you are finding you way back. i love you!
"The best part is, I didn't need a single drink or drug to feel that way."
Exactly.