So you might be asking what pray tell is the prize that someone might be winning. The prize is the attention of my boyfriend for the night. Yes, my boyfriend. And why do you ask is he up for a prize? Well, he put himself up on that pedestal himself. I am now playing the waiting game to see if there are any plans with his friends before he decides to hang out with me for the night.
Okay, so I know what you are thinking. . .if he plays games like this, why do I put up with it? Well the answer is simple! (Okay, maybe not so simple as I thought but its an answer! Yeah so what if it is REALLY fucked up). The answer is this, but beware tho it comes in three-fold
1.) I love him
2.) I don't think I could get anyone else to date me. You see, I have low self-esteem and have an extreamly negative outlook on myself. I know, I know that's not good. How can I love someone if I don't love myself. (Obviously you can tell that I have heard this ALL before). I just do. Whenever I look in the mirror, I get a disgusted look on my face and can't stand to look in it anymore. Not normal is it? I know. I just don't know how change my perception of myself.
3.) No other guy would be interested in a fat, ugly mess as myself.
That pretty much sums it up for the most part. Plus Drew has the first guy well, he was my first for a lot of things (but not ALL things).
That's my story and i'm sticking to it (as lousy as it is).
9:48pm and still waiting...i'll probably lose. He says that we will spend tomorrow together regardless. Well of course we will. . . he needs someone to take him to Wegmans. Well at least I am good for something.
Kangarooboi's Journal
My Podcast Link
03/03/2006 21:34 #24902
And the winner is. . .03/03/2006 22:37 #24901
I winI win by default. How special
ladycroft - 03/04/06 11:12
uh-oh....call me!!!
uh-oh....call me!!!
switch the story up. it's me and a boyfriend. what would you tell me??? i have no doubt you love him. but are you IN love with him? this person that places you lowest on his social totem pole? is fear of not being able to find another date reason to stay in an unsatisfactory situation? there's nothing wrong with being alone. you are who you are, with or without drew.
aye...
1 is valid.
2 and 3 are not true. And you know that.
I understand the feeling etc, and I know you've heard it all before, and me saying it won't do any good til you know it yourself.
But i'll say it anyway.
Don't settle.
You deserve something (someone) great, whether it's Drew or not.
Not sure i'm helping.
(hugs).
Feel better.
you can always call me if you want.