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Kangarooboi's Journal

kangarooboi
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02/05/2006 03:00 #24893

Wonderful evening
AHHH!! I so do not know how to use (e:strip) yet!!! So, with that being said, I will now write for the FORTH time about tonight!!

Tonight was GREAT! (e:Ladycroft), myself and some Canisius friends went out tonight to Cole's. However, when we got there we found out that the bar was closed becasue of a private party and moved next door to Mr.Goodbar. Such good times!
While there, I was given the pleasure of meeting some of the wonderful (e:strip) peeps! (e:Theecarey) and (e:Jenks) are two of the most wonderful ladies I have ever met (next to (e:Ladycroft) :-p). Plus, (e:Theecarey) is the best SOCO and Lime partner EVER!
I also had the pleasure of meeting (e:Terry), (e:Matthew), (e:Paul) & (e:Joshua). While I did not really get a chance to speak to them very much, I am hoping I will in the future. (E:Ladycroft) has told me so much about them (especially (e:Paul), (e:Terry) and (e:Matthew)) I feel like I know them already. (E:Decoyisryan) was also there, but I did not get a chance to meet him personally.

If you are interested in seeing pics from tonight, click on "Pics" over on the right and go to the album labeled "Night Out" (or something like that). Such good times!!
decoyisryan - 02/05/06 21:59
sorry we didn't actually meet......i'm sure there will be another pity party down the line.
ladycroft - 02/05/06 15:28
nice pix mike! had a great time, so glad you came out!!!
jenks - 02/05/06 14:27
thanks for the pix, they're awesome. Still working on my own. Not sure if it will be too many to put in a post, so I may do a link too...

02/02/2006 19:42 #24892

Itching at the walls...
Walls are closing in, the room is getting smaller;
I feel I am suffocating within the limits of my apartment.
I climb the walls, leaving scratch marks as I fall back down,
crumbling in a heep on the floor.
My fingers, they bled with the chance to escape,
but alas, escape is just not in the cards.


ladycroft - 02/03/06 02:06
You OK Mike!???

01/27/2006 19:36 #24891

The end might be approaching
So yeah, I just don't know!! Maybe by this time next week I might be playing that single game. Which would be interesting since it would be the first time being single while being "out". But its, so hard being single. That means I have to go out, meet new people blah blah blah.

But you know, I can't do that. I am SO self-conscious about how I look I can't do it. You know, that's a HUGE problem with the GLBT community. Many are so focused on how the person looks, they forget about everything else. Yes, I may not be the most attractive individual (which I find hard to believe) but gish darn it, there's a LOT more to me than just that. But of course if I am not physically appealing to the eye, they won't get to see what I am all about.

But i'm talking like Drew and I are over....which we are not. We had a nice converstaion last night about everyhting. We'll see what happens. He said that he would try to be there more for me and to do things for me to show that he actually cares. BUT...of course I get an IM tonight when I was out shopping with my RAs that he might not be over tonight becasue some of his friends are having a labrynth movie night and they are very domminering and he might be firced into going. Umm...yeah..PUT YOUR FOOT DOWN AND SAY YOU CAN'T GO!! Its not that hard!

No matter what, I am going to be seen as the bad guy. He is trying to put everythung all on me. the way he is talking, he's making it sound like I am forcing him to change who he is to be more of the way that I want him. But i don't think that I am...am I? I mean, it is too much to be asked to have a little love in return?
ladycroft - 01/28/06 01:05
yah, we so need to talk!
jenks - 01/27/06 20:09
No it's not too much to ask.
It HAS to be a two way street, or one person will eventually be resentful.
I hope you guys work things out.
But don't compromise yourself.
metalpeter - 01/27/06 19:56
First of being single is nice because of the freedom, but other then that it sucks. If I was the Bullshiter out going type yeah I could go to a bar and try to get some pussy not that I would wind up getting any. But what I'm wondering is why you didn't send an IM back Asking or saying you would like to hang out with him and his friends and watch movies. (Granted if he wasn't out then it might be a problem). Some times people take the ones they love for granted because they know they will always be there. Another example is when I was in school I would study for the harder classes knowing that I didn't have to do anything for the easier classes, maybe a bad anology but maybe you get my point.

01/26/2006 21:32 #24890

Meds?!?!
So perhaps I have some sort of a chemical imbalance going on with my synapses and axons and their terminals in my brain. (Wow...I remember something from my Biological Psych class!). I really think that (e:Jinks) was right...I needed to get a good night sleep. I feel SO much better than I did last night. I had a LONG day of meetings and the like. Thursdays really suck! But hey...I got to do what I got to do to get the paycheck!!

I think I really connected with a hall director here tonight. We went out to Tully's and then went to ColdStone Creamery (Maple and Transit). It was REALLY nice to get out of the apartment as well as find someone to talk to. Not that I don't have people to talk to...but she knows that I am going through first hand. It was exactly what the doctor ordered. :-)
theecarey - 01/27/06 00:22
dendrites and myelin sheath.. sheesh.. i should pay more attention when I type.
theecarey - 01/26/06 23:53
dentrites, mylen sheeth, synapses, axon terminals.. ahh, memories of bio psych. I took mine at UB w/ Torres..

As for your last entry.. the first paragraph, I totally relate. It is a fleeting thought for me.. comes and goes.

good sleep and making connections with friends.. new and old is helpful. Especially with your guy having a different schedule than what you are used to. We are a friendly bunch around here.. catching movies, coffee and whatever else we find. So please, join us anytime!

01/26/2006 00:21 #24889

Alone with my thoughts
Tonight I feel very distant, almost "out in left field" from everyone and everything. I attempt to hide this and act like my "normal" self, but I am really starting to wonder what my "normal" self actually is. Perhaps THIS is normal and everything else is all a big facade. I just don't know anymore.

I wish I can put my finger on everything. I don't know if it is just one thing that brings me down or if it just a combination of everything that gets all rolled into one HUGE thing that will eventually make me explode. I mean, there is just so many things going on (or not going on) that is really making life difficult.

1.) Not able to see Drew--He has rehearsals for a show he is in at the end of February Tues-Sun all at night. I am lucky if I get to see him one or two nights a week. That is a HUGE change from last semester as we got used to seeing each other 4 days of the week, spending 3 days together consistently. Now...who the hell knows. PLUS...does he even think of just sending an IM saying "hi...hope all is well, I miss you and love you etc". . . NO.

2.) Work is starting to get annoying. We just hired a new RA which FINALLY beings us back up to full staff (16 RAs). But now I have to recreate a new duty schedule which is SUCH A PAIN! And then I have RAs who rant and rave about things about their jobs that they don't like to do etc...SUCK UP AND DEAL! If you don't like it..QUIT!!!!!!!!!! Add on top of that, I feel that the RHD treats me like an RA at times and not as an Assistant Hall Director. I think that she forgets sometimes that we are more equal than she gives credit for. Again, this is something that I should talk to her about but I don't like being very assertive.

3.) I think that major thing is that I really feel alone. With Drew in rehearsals and not really having anyone here at UB that I can really talk too and confide in is just starting to get too much. I miss my friends. I miss that "hey, let's go out somewhere" or just that general "come on over and lets watch a movie". Instead, I sit alone in my apartment with me, myself and I. And when that happends, I start to think. And when I start to think, I get in moods like this that I just cannot shake. I wish I knew how isolated I would be when I came here. :-(
image
metalpeter - 01/26/06 19:11
Being by yourself and thinking is not good. Granted it should be good but you have to be in a positive mind set, if not you just make your self depressed. There are lots of ways to stop this but it depends on what you like to do. Basicly you need to take your mind off it. Maybe watch TV, Action Movie, Go for a run, Draw, or my favorite is Pump Music in earphones. What used to work for me was an odd mix of sad stuff (couple our lady peace songs), then some linkin park, Rammstein, and Hatebreed. The sad songs would get out the sadness and be a way of venting, then the heavy stuff would get out the anger and hate, and then the final songs would be impowering. I don't know what would work for you, but something to take your mind off of it.
ladycroft - 01/26/06 13:32
I think this is some strange new demon in the residence life world. My CA's seem to think I'm asking too much of them by asking them to do their job as well. Remember when being an RA was an honor? Maybe we should do a joint research project on this phenomenon.
jenks - 01/26/06 00:42
I am sick and I'm about to kill 50 different people at work and everyone is nagging me and all my patients have fevers and I can't get two freaking seconds to myself and I haven't had anything to drink in 24hr let alone food- so I sympathize with feeling down and crappy. Wish I had some great words of wisdom, but I don't really. But I often find that getting some sleep often helps. Wake up refreshed and with a new perspective and a little more prepared to take things on... Good luck. You'll feel better one of these days. :)