So perhaps I have some sort of a chemical imbalance going on with my synapses and axons and their terminals in my brain. (Wow...I remember something from my Biological Psych class!). I really think that (e:Jinks) was right...I needed to get a good night sleep. I feel SO much better than I did last night. I had a LONG day of meetings and the like. Thursdays really suck! But hey...I got to do what I got to do to get the paycheck!!
I think I really connected with a hall director here tonight. We went out to Tully's and then went to ColdStone Creamery (Maple and Transit). It was REALLY nice to get out of the apartment as well as find someone to talk to. Not that I don't have people to talk to...but she knows that I am going through first hand. It was exactly what the doctor ordered. :-)
Kangarooboi's Journal
My Podcast Link
01/26/2006 21:32 #24890
Meds?!?!01/26/2006 00:21 #24889
Alone with my thoughtsTonight I feel very distant, almost "out in left field" from everyone and everything. I attempt to hide this and act like my "normal" self, but I am really starting to wonder what my "normal" self actually is. Perhaps THIS is normal and everything else is all a big facade. I just don't know anymore.
I wish I can put my finger on everything. I don't know if it is just one thing that brings me down or if it just a combination of everything that gets all rolled into one HUGE thing that will eventually make me explode. I mean, there is just so many things going on (or not going on) that is really making life difficult.
1.) Not able to see Drew--He has rehearsals for a show he is in at the end of February Tues-Sun all at night. I am lucky if I get to see him one or two nights a week. That is a HUGE change from last semester as we got used to seeing each other 4 days of the week, spending 3 days together consistently. Now...who the hell knows. PLUS...does he even think of just sending an IM saying "hi...hope all is well, I miss you and love you etc". . . NO.
2.) Work is starting to get annoying. We just hired a new RA which FINALLY beings us back up to full staff (16 RAs). But now I have to recreate a new duty schedule which is SUCH A PAIN! And then I have RAs who rant and rave about things about their jobs that they don't like to do etc...SUCK UP AND DEAL! If you don't like it..QUIT!!!!!!!!!! Add on top of that, I feel that the RHD treats me like an RA at times and not as an Assistant Hall Director. I think that she forgets sometimes that we are more equal than she gives credit for. Again, this is something that I should talk to her about but I don't like being very assertive.
3.) I think that major thing is that I really feel alone. With Drew in rehearsals and not really having anyone here at UB that I can really talk too and confide in is just starting to get too much. I miss my friends. I miss that "hey, let's go out somewhere" or just that general "come on over and lets watch a movie". Instead, I sit alone in my apartment with me, myself and I. And when that happends, I start to think. And when I start to think, I get in moods like this that I just cannot shake. I wish I knew how isolated I would be when I came here. :-(
I wish I can put my finger on everything. I don't know if it is just one thing that brings me down or if it just a combination of everything that gets all rolled into one HUGE thing that will eventually make me explode. I mean, there is just so many things going on (or not going on) that is really making life difficult.
1.) Not able to see Drew--He has rehearsals for a show he is in at the end of February Tues-Sun all at night. I am lucky if I get to see him one or two nights a week. That is a HUGE change from last semester as we got used to seeing each other 4 days of the week, spending 3 days together consistently. Now...who the hell knows. PLUS...does he even think of just sending an IM saying "hi...hope all is well, I miss you and love you etc". . . NO.
2.) Work is starting to get annoying. We just hired a new RA which FINALLY beings us back up to full staff (16 RAs). But now I have to recreate a new duty schedule which is SUCH A PAIN! And then I have RAs who rant and rave about things about their jobs that they don't like to do etc...SUCK UP AND DEAL! If you don't like it..QUIT!!!!!!!!!! Add on top of that, I feel that the RHD treats me like an RA at times and not as an Assistant Hall Director. I think that she forgets sometimes that we are more equal than she gives credit for. Again, this is something that I should talk to her about but I don't like being very assertive.
3.) I think that major thing is that I really feel alone. With Drew in rehearsals and not really having anyone here at UB that I can really talk too and confide in is just starting to get too much. I miss my friends. I miss that "hey, let's go out somewhere" or just that general "come on over and lets watch a movie". Instead, I sit alone in my apartment with me, myself and I. And when that happends, I start to think. And when I start to think, I get in moods like this that I just cannot shake. I wish I knew how isolated I would be when I came here. :-(
metalpeter - 01/26/06 19:11
Being by yourself and thinking is not good. Granted it should be good but you have to be in a positive mind set, if not you just make your self depressed. There are lots of ways to stop this but it depends on what you like to do. Basicly you need to take your mind off it. Maybe watch TV, Action Movie, Go for a run, Draw, or my favorite is Pump Music in earphones. What used to work for me was an odd mix of sad stuff (couple our lady peace songs), then some linkin park, Rammstein, and Hatebreed. The sad songs would get out the sadness and be a way of venting, then the heavy stuff would get out the anger and hate, and then the final songs would be impowering. I don't know what would work for you, but something to take your mind off of it.
Being by yourself and thinking is not good. Granted it should be good but you have to be in a positive mind set, if not you just make your self depressed. There are lots of ways to stop this but it depends on what you like to do. Basicly you need to take your mind off it. Maybe watch TV, Action Movie, Go for a run, Draw, or my favorite is Pump Music in earphones. What used to work for me was an odd mix of sad stuff (couple our lady peace songs), then some linkin park, Rammstein, and Hatebreed. The sad songs would get out the sadness and be a way of venting, then the heavy stuff would get out the anger and hate, and then the final songs would be impowering. I don't know what would work for you, but something to take your mind off of it.
ladycroft - 01/26/06 13:32
I think this is some strange new demon in the residence life world. My CA's seem to think I'm asking too much of them by asking them to do their job as well. Remember when being an RA was an honor? Maybe we should do a joint research project on this phenomenon.
I think this is some strange new demon in the residence life world. My CA's seem to think I'm asking too much of them by asking them to do their job as well. Remember when being an RA was an honor? Maybe we should do a joint research project on this phenomenon.
jenks - 01/26/06 00:42
I am sick and I'm about to kill 50 different people at work and everyone is nagging me and all my patients have fevers and I can't get two freaking seconds to myself and I haven't had anything to drink in 24hr let alone food- so I sympathize with feeling down and crappy. Wish I had some great words of wisdom, but I don't really. But I often find that getting some sleep often helps. Wake up refreshed and with a new perspective and a little more prepared to take things on... Good luck. You'll feel better one of these days. :)
I am sick and I'm about to kill 50 different people at work and everyone is nagging me and all my patients have fevers and I can't get two freaking seconds to myself and I haven't had anything to drink in 24hr let alone food- so I sympathize with feeling down and crappy. Wish I had some great words of wisdom, but I don't really. But I often find that getting some sleep often helps. Wake up refreshed and with a new perspective and a little more prepared to take things on... Good luck. You'll feel better one of these days. :)
01/22/2006 01:16 #24888
And it continues. . .First of all, I want to take this opportunity to thank the following people: (e:ladycroft) (e:jenks) and (e:metalpeter) for taking the time and respond to my last entry. You all have offered advice and input on my current situation and I appreciate it.
Things might be getting a little better. We had a little conversation about the subject matter and he said he will really try harder to be more appreicative and give more. We'll see. I just don't want to end it with him. I really love the guy. I freakin chose to come to Buffalo just for him, to be close to him. But i'm glad I did because then I would not have ever met the totally awesome beautiful (e:ladycroft) in which then my life would not have EVER been complete! :-)
Things might be getting a little better. We had a little conversation about the subject matter and he said he will really try harder to be more appreicative and give more. We'll see. I just don't want to end it with him. I really love the guy. I freakin chose to come to Buffalo just for him, to be close to him. But i'm glad I did because then I would not have ever met the totally awesome beautiful (e:ladycroft) in which then my life would not have EVER been complete! :-)
ladycroft - 01/22/06 21:01
Awww. You break my heart (in a good way!). Thanks you!
Awww. You break my heart (in a good way!). Thanks you!
01/20/2006 18:14 #24887
Your assistance is needed. . .Okay, so here's the deal. I am in a relatioship with a GREAT guy! We've been together for almost two years (in April). I really love him. But...theres a problem. I always feel like I am always putting more into the relationship than he is. I always end up payng for things, he never offers. I always buy him things (little things) but he never recipocates. And when he does, he makes a production out of it, almost like he is ticked that he was to do so. A guy can only take so much!! I just don't know what to do! I've tried to talk to him about it...but all I get in return is "well, what do you want me to do?" Its not that I want him to do, but its stuff that HE SHOULD want to do. Am I right or am I really off the deep-end? I NEED HELP!!
pyrcedgrrl - 01/22/06 19:37
Hi there! I'm kinda-sorta in the same situation at the moment. I end up offering to pay a lot of the time, & I'm the type that just buys stuff for friends and S.O.'s on a whim. Sadly, if you are a giver and the other person is not you sometimes end up feeling a bit taken advantage of.
With my boyfriend, I finally had to sit him down and basicly say, "Hey, I'm not your mom. I don't HAVE to do things for you, I LIKE to & it would be nice if maybe you offered to pay once in a while."
I just read your update and hope it all works out for you. Just remember that communication really is key in a situation such as this. The other person probably doesn't even realize they are making you feel this way. :) Good luck!
Hi there! I'm kinda-sorta in the same situation at the moment. I end up offering to pay a lot of the time, & I'm the type that just buys stuff for friends and S.O.'s on a whim. Sadly, if you are a giver and the other person is not you sometimes end up feeling a bit taken advantage of.
With my boyfriend, I finally had to sit him down and basicly say, "Hey, I'm not your mom. I don't HAVE to do things for you, I LIKE to & it would be nice if maybe you offered to pay once in a while."
I just read your update and hope it all works out for you. Just remember that communication really is key in a situation such as this. The other person probably doesn't even realize they are making you feel this way. :) Good luck!
ladycroft - 01/20/06 22:53
Yah, I never got to hang out with Drew much, but he does seem quite the oposite of you my wonderful friend! I have no qualms about paying for things, even if I'm broke, but it is really nice to at least have the offer now and then. I also LOVE getting people little gifts, often for no reason. While I never expect anything in return, it would be nice to get a surprise here and there from your significant other. Perhaps it is time to seriously reconsider your relationship.
Yah, I never got to hang out with Drew much, but he does seem quite the oposite of you my wonderful friend! I have no qualms about paying for things, even if I'm broke, but it is really nice to at least have the offer now and then. I also LOVE getting people little gifts, often for no reason. While I never expect anything in return, it would be nice to get a surprise here and there from your significant other. Perhaps it is time to seriously reconsider your relationship.
jenks - 01/20/06 22:10
oy...
been there.
I hate to be negative, but that sounds like a red flag to me. I think you're totally right and not at all unreasonable to want little thoughtful gestures. It's not about money, but thought. When I like somebody, I can't do enough for them. And I think that's normal. And when someone doesn't feel that way, well it's a warning sign to me. I hope for your sake that I'm wrong. But I just came out of the same situation, and it was no good. And if you're like me, it will always bother you, to the point that you may resent him for it. Again, I hate to be a downer and I hope I'm wrong. But I think you should trust your instincts. If this bothers you, you need it fixed- one way or another.
oy...
been there.
I hate to be negative, but that sounds like a red flag to me. I think you're totally right and not at all unreasonable to want little thoughtful gestures. It's not about money, but thought. When I like somebody, I can't do enough for them. And I think that's normal. And when someone doesn't feel that way, well it's a warning sign to me. I hope for your sake that I'm wrong. But I just came out of the same situation, and it was no good. And if you're like me, it will always bother you, to the point that you may resent him for it. Again, I hate to be a downer and I hope I'm wrong. But I think you should trust your instincts. If this bothers you, you need it fixed- one way or another.
metalpeter - 01/20/06 19:34
I may be off base her, but is sounds like you are the man in the relationship and he is the women in the relationship. What I mean by that is that you are the one that buys everything and has to pay for everything you do. Relationships should be more even but often they are not. I have no idea how to fix it. The only thing I can say is that great communacation will help the relationship and maybe better communacation and talking about it will help. Again that is a maybe, sometimes talking to much can just make things worse.
I may be off base her, but is sounds like you are the man in the relationship and he is the women in the relationship. What I mean by that is that you are the one that buys everything and has to pay for everything you do. Relationships should be more even but often they are not. I have no idea how to fix it. The only thing I can say is that great communacation will help the relationship and maybe better communacation and talking about it will help. Again that is a maybe, sometimes talking to much can just make things worse.
12/18/2005 03:28 #24886
Umm..yeah...So interesting night tonight. Responded to an incident tonight with the ProStaff on duty since I was hanging out at her apartment anyways. Well, the incident was in my building and involved two of my RAs. Apparently, one was in a way assulted by the other while on rounds. OH GOOD GOD. After getting word from our boss, we had to suspend the RA immediately, take their master key and office key and issue a no contact verbal warning. CRAZINESS.
That is all.
That is all.
dendrites and myelin sheath.. sheesh.. i should pay more attention when I type.
dentrites, mylen sheeth, synapses, axon terminals.. ahh, memories of bio psych. I took mine at UB w/ Torres..
As for your last entry.. the first paragraph, I totally relate. It is a fleeting thought for me.. comes and goes.
good sleep and making connections with friends.. new and old is helpful. Especially with your guy having a different schedule than what you are used to. We are a friendly bunch around here.. catching movies, coffee and whatever else we find. So please, join us anytime!