44 hours smoke free.
i think i can do this.
this weekend will be the true test. not being at work and running errands - i love to smoke while driving. friday nite drinking. saturday nite in the pink at 3am....i don't know if i am going to make it. blah. the problem is i really don't want to quit. i am not in the mindset. I LOVE smoking. i know i know its gross. but i really do love it. i love smoking luckys and drinking espresso in the summer.
2 badass things happened today.
a.) my little brother called me to say:
"hey, jess - that david bowie guy you were talking about isn't so bad!"
he just turned 13. my other brothers and sisters listen to garbage - so hearing this was music to my ears.
b.) i won $100 to the galleria mall from my work. that means i have $250 to best buy,a $75 american express giftcard and this. i am so excited - i don't have any idea what to get though.
ok to the gym. then spot with jonsimon.
Jessika's Journal
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01/12/2006 18:44 #24214
44 hourssssss01/08/2006 17:12 #24213
kiss every comma in your checklisti really think i am going through a quarter life crisis. more so i think i am just bored. i don't know maybe i am just listening to too much Pavement and reading too much Edward Abbey.
i think i am going to quit my job. i am bored. really really bored. to the point of going crazy. i know this is probably something that every single 20 something goes through at some point. but i think i have made a grave mistake in getting the degree i did. i am losing it.
i took the first step friday though and set up an appointment with an advisor at Erie County boces. i am going to go back to be a teacher. there apparently is a new law in which if you teach Math or Science at an Elementary level in a "high need" area they will pay for your masters. i'm in.
everyone thinks i am going into it naive -and on a whim. this is something i have been wanting for a very long time. i was comfortable with what i was doing and where i was in school and whatnot. i was in a groove. groove over - i can't take it.
scott asked me last nite at the pink if i was ok - insinuating i was depressed. apparently he had stumbled across me on here and drawn the conclusion by reading it i was upset. i am fine. i hope i don't come across on here as a crybaby.... i tend to use this to vent. sorry
13 hours cigarette free
i think i am going to quit my job. i am bored. really really bored. to the point of going crazy. i know this is probably something that every single 20 something goes through at some point. but i think i have made a grave mistake in getting the degree i did. i am losing it.
i took the first step friday though and set up an appointment with an advisor at Erie County boces. i am going to go back to be a teacher. there apparently is a new law in which if you teach Math or Science at an Elementary level in a "high need" area they will pay for your masters. i'm in.
everyone thinks i am going into it naive -and on a whim. this is something i have been wanting for a very long time. i was comfortable with what i was doing and where i was in school and whatnot. i was in a groove. groove over - i can't take it.
scott asked me last nite at the pink if i was ok - insinuating i was depressed. apparently he had stumbled across me on here and drawn the conclusion by reading it i was upset. i am fine. i hope i don't come across on here as a crybaby.... i tend to use this to vent. sorry
13 hours cigarette free
theecarey - 01/08/06 20:31
yes, many 20 somethings get to a point where they question or compare where they are at in relation to societal expectations. Ok, so I dont limit it to the 20s, but thats the first real point of crisis it seems.
If you are able to take care of your current responsibilities, then why not find something more stimulating? If you get bored easy, then this a part of you that won't change. So any next developmental step (ie; degree,job) should reflect that.
With teaching, your students change every years, you have a ton of time off (for pursuing things that dont bore you) and the work day is never routine.
Oddly, a friend of mine zipped out to California with his Bachelors to start teaching (BA English, if I recall) and they paid for his Masters. I didnt know that held true for around here as well. Interesting..
yes, many 20 somethings get to a point where they question or compare where they are at in relation to societal expectations. Ok, so I dont limit it to the 20s, but thats the first real point of crisis it seems.
If you are able to take care of your current responsibilities, then why not find something more stimulating? If you get bored easy, then this a part of you that won't change. So any next developmental step (ie; degree,job) should reflect that.
With teaching, your students change every years, you have a ton of time off (for pursuing things that dont bore you) and the work day is never routine.
Oddly, a friend of mine zipped out to California with his Bachelors to start teaching (BA English, if I recall) and they paid for his Masters. I didnt know that held true for around here as well. Interesting..
01/03/2006 13:48 #24211
it isnt breakfast without the eggthe cook at my work really is awful at his job. for a time i was getting egg and cheese breakfast quesadillas. when he came on as chef, he would constantly forget the egg. seriously - everyday. this is not a breakfast quesadilla, buddy. just a quesadilla.
just now i went to get some lunch - i ordered a cheese quesdilla with hot sauce. he forgot the hot sauce. i am thinking of writing a letter of complaint. is that pushing it?
also - i have a friend nolan. he is dating a girl named Sheba. If they get married, her name will be Sheba Katz. and that is really funny.
just now i went to get some lunch - i ordered a cheese quesdilla with hot sauce. he forgot the hot sauce. i am thinking of writing a letter of complaint. is that pushing it?
also - i have a friend nolan. he is dating a girl named Sheba. If they get married, her name will be Sheba Katz. and that is really funny.
metalpeter - 01/03/06 18:59
Lee is correct, just like in a resturant never send it back, who knows what they will do to. Chefs take it as an insult ask for your money back or it for free. If you can see them making it and then let them know that they messed up and you want the one they messed up for free..
Lee is correct, just like in a resturant never send it back, who knows what they will do to. Chefs take it as an insult ask for your money back or it for free. If you can see them making it and then let them know that they messed up and you want the one they messed up for free..
leetee - 01/03/06 16:49
Before writing a letter of complaint to his bosses, maybe it might be a good idea to talk to him first. Perhaps he is having some trauma in his life and he is distracted...? I have a theory about never ever complaining about someone who is making food for me... ya just never know what might be in it next time!
Before writing a letter of complaint to his bosses, maybe it might be a good idea to talk to him first. Perhaps he is having some trauma in his life and he is distracted...? I have a theory about never ever complaining about someone who is making food for me... ya just never know what might be in it next time!
01/03/2006 00:42 #24210
return to pseudorealityfate is going to find your love
in a glass of champagne
new years has never hurt so bad on both the inside and the out.
01/03/2006 18:57 #24212
2005i have been inspired by (e:theecarey). even tho (e:ladycroft) and her think they are curter and cuter then i :)
my favorite moments from 2005
-my 23rd birthday weekend at sundowners
-random indian dance parties with theresa at level
-camping at rhubarb with the boys
-anything but clothes party
-wilco at the knox
-going to spain and tangiers because i felt like it
-the very first time keith called me saying "get in the goddam pool" (thus the beginning of a long summer of pool parties)
-eating 500 boston hotel clams and then getting yelled at at anderson's an hour later for being too fucked up to get a sundae
-each time i have used my bills/sabres seasons (and exposing marla and rachel to the bills army)
-the day i realized i have some pretty goddam good friends
-seeing arcade fire at Vegoose!
my least favorite moments from 2005:
-ruining a good friendship with a failed relationship
-getting poison oak after passing out in the parking lot of the tom petty concert
-when my fake tooth fell out at my cousins graduation dinner
-getting pre evening booty called
-getting in a fight at the pink
-witnessing an attempted murder by dried starfish
-the day i got a flat tire and a cell phone ticket in one
-the day i realized i needed those pretty goddam good friends and couldn't do it on my own
Did you keep your New Year resolutions of 2005?
-um still smoking
Did you fall in love in 2005?
-blah can we skip the love question for now? especially after this weekend...
Did you breakup with anyone in 2005?
yes
Did you make any new friends in 2005?
yes - lots!
What was your favorite month of 2005?
definitely july. july was a great month.
Did you travel outside of the US in 2005?
spain, morocco and canada too!
How many different states did you travel to in 2005?
a few?
Did you miss anybody in the past year?
yea. a lot.
What was your favorite song from 2005?
ooo this is hard. i was unnaturally obsessed with both "beast of burden" and "yoshimi battles the pink robots." seriously - to the point it was almost weird. like listening on repeat continuously for months. and singing karaoke to them on a weekly basis.
What was your favorite album from 2005?
tie between the new pornographers (twin cinema) and the new fiona apple too. the new eels was sweet too.
Did you drink a lot of alcohol in 2005?
ah yes.
Did you do drugs in 2005?
um, a few?
Did you do anything you are ashamed of this year?
obviously. this includes:
-making out at the bar like i was a freshman
-falling asleep in my car naked
-being really really bad with my money this year
-backing into my house by mistake (i have a very narrow driveway!)
What was the worst lie someone told you in 2005?
-hmmmmm. i was told i look hot in zubaz pants?
Did you treat somebody badly in 2005?
-i may have called dyan a firecrotch one too many times
Did somebody treat you badly in 2005?
-yea
What was your proudest moments of 2005?
-defending katies honor by getting in that fight in the pink
-finally sticking up for myself in a lot of situations i let go too far!
-getting a promotion
-figuring out how to configure UPS systems at work
What was your most embarrassing moment of 2005?
-probably walking home naked minus a dairy queen napkin from elmwood
If you could go back in time to any moment of 2005 and change something, what would it be?
-not have taken this semester off from school
What are your plans for 2006?
-quit smoking
-go back to grad school
-go back to the gym
-start sporting more fanny packs
-get my sister to break up with her old man baby's daddy boyfriend
-stop drinking so much PBR
-stop going out assholes
-start cooking more
-take a dreamweaver class
-take samba lessons
-start a non "LOL" movement
-get back into photography
-beat my brother in bubble puck
-write a essay on the New Buffalo BiSexual movement i have uncovered and my feelings on it
-save some money
-change something BIG in my life. i don't know what yet. but i need to figure it out.
hey i am ambitious this year....
my favorite moments from 2005
-my 23rd birthday weekend at sundowners
-random indian dance parties with theresa at level
-camping at rhubarb with the boys
-anything but clothes party
-wilco at the knox
-going to spain and tangiers because i felt like it
-the very first time keith called me saying "get in the goddam pool" (thus the beginning of a long summer of pool parties)
-eating 500 boston hotel clams and then getting yelled at at anderson's an hour later for being too fucked up to get a sundae
-each time i have used my bills/sabres seasons (and exposing marla and rachel to the bills army)
-the day i realized i have some pretty goddam good friends
-seeing arcade fire at Vegoose!
my least favorite moments from 2005:
-ruining a good friendship with a failed relationship
-getting poison oak after passing out in the parking lot of the tom petty concert
-when my fake tooth fell out at my cousins graduation dinner
-getting pre evening booty called
-getting in a fight at the pink
-witnessing an attempted murder by dried starfish
-the day i got a flat tire and a cell phone ticket in one
-the day i realized i needed those pretty goddam good friends and couldn't do it on my own
Did you keep your New Year resolutions of 2005?
-um still smoking
Did you fall in love in 2005?
-blah can we skip the love question for now? especially after this weekend...
Did you breakup with anyone in 2005?
yes
Did you make any new friends in 2005?
yes - lots!
What was your favorite month of 2005?
definitely july. july was a great month.
Did you travel outside of the US in 2005?
spain, morocco and canada too!
How many different states did you travel to in 2005?
a few?
Did you miss anybody in the past year?
yea. a lot.
What was your favorite song from 2005?
ooo this is hard. i was unnaturally obsessed with both "beast of burden" and "yoshimi battles the pink robots." seriously - to the point it was almost weird. like listening on repeat continuously for months. and singing karaoke to them on a weekly basis.
What was your favorite album from 2005?
tie between the new pornographers (twin cinema) and the new fiona apple too. the new eels was sweet too.
Did you drink a lot of alcohol in 2005?
ah yes.
Did you do drugs in 2005?
um, a few?
Did you do anything you are ashamed of this year?
obviously. this includes:
-making out at the bar like i was a freshman
-falling asleep in my car naked
-being really really bad with my money this year
-backing into my house by mistake (i have a very narrow driveway!)
What was the worst lie someone told you in 2005?
-hmmmmm. i was told i look hot in zubaz pants?
Did you treat somebody badly in 2005?
-i may have called dyan a firecrotch one too many times
Did somebody treat you badly in 2005?
-yea
What was your proudest moments of 2005?
-defending katies honor by getting in that fight in the pink
-finally sticking up for myself in a lot of situations i let go too far!
-getting a promotion
-figuring out how to configure UPS systems at work
What was your most embarrassing moment of 2005?
-probably walking home naked minus a dairy queen napkin from elmwood
If you could go back in time to any moment of 2005 and change something, what would it be?
-not have taken this semester off from school
What are your plans for 2006?
-quit smoking
-go back to grad school
-go back to the gym
-start sporting more fanny packs
-get my sister to break up with her old man baby's daddy boyfriend
-stop drinking so much PBR
-stop going out assholes
-start cooking more
-take a dreamweaver class
-take samba lessons
-start a non "LOL" movement
-get back into photography
-beat my brother in bubble puck
-write a essay on the New Buffalo BiSexual movement i have uncovered and my feelings on it
-save some money
-change something BIG in my life. i don't know what yet. but i need to figure it out.
hey i am ambitious this year....
sbrugger - 01/04/06 10:28
Wow...you spend time at the 'downer?
very very very interesting....
Oh...and LOL... :P
Wow...you spend time at the 'downer?
very very very interesting....
Oh...and LOL... :P
metalpeter - 01/03/06 19:58
Well if they where Bills Zubaz then that is ok. All I can say is wow (I have never been to the sundowner) you like the sundowner, Bills, sabres, where naked in your car and walked home naked, I gotta hang out with you
:-) :-) , Now my year sounds so much more lamer then it allready was. I hope the new year is a good one.
Well if they where Bills Zubaz then that is ok. All I can say is wow (I have never been to the sundowner) you like the sundowner, Bills, sabres, where naked in your car and walked home naked, I gotta hang out with you
:-) :-) , Now my year sounds so much more lamer then it allready was. I hope the new year is a good one.
theecarey - 01/03/06 19:48
Zubaz.
What were you doing in Zubaz??
A new look for '06
Your zubaz, the fanny pack and a dairy queen napkin sticking out of the back waistband.
(while doing the samba)
I see it now..
LOL LOL LOL (ok, that just had to be done)
Zubaz.
What were you doing in Zubaz??
- shakes head*
A new look for '06
Your zubaz, the fanny pack and a dairy queen napkin sticking out of the back waistband.
(while doing the samba)
I see it now..
LOL LOL LOL (ok, that just had to be done)
Ajay's right, don't listen to that little voice that seems so reasonable. It'll tell you now that you're not a smoker, you can have a smoke every once in a while, or just this once... all lies!
Watch out for the false sense of security. There'll come a time when you'll get this urge to take _just_ one drag... you'll think: I've been smoke-free for X weeks; I've quit; it's OK. NOT!! That's when you get sucked right back in.
Also, take up some physical activity (jogging, swimming, etc.). All the smokers who I know have quit successfully were active physically after quitting. Worked for them.
I quit smoking this year. I loved to smoke. But, I knew that I had to quit. The first week is hell. I'm so glad I did though. Smoking was always so intrinsic to my identity, but now it's hard to believe that I used to smoke. 9 months later, I feel so much better. Try to stick with it!
I havcen't had one since the Monday beofre last. i think it is a new years miracle.
Congrats on the first 44 hours.
I used to looove smoking too. It has been 11 months, minus 6 days for me so far... but who's counting?
Good Luck with this weekend! Be strong. Think about all the things you can buy with the money you used to spend on cigs!?!?!