[warning, long. But not a rant this time. :)]

Greetings from Madhouse USA! (that's how my mom has been answering the phone lately.) My brother, who is 23, is acting like he is about 6. Bouncing of the walls and unable to shut up, he's so excited about christmas.

Well, I got my bag back. Unfortunately I think they let it sit on the runway in the rain for a few hours, since everything was wet. And, they obviously went through it, but didn't put the "we went through your bag" sign in there like they usually do- I felt so violated! Must have been that dangerous hair gel of mine that made them check.

When we were kids, we used to describe the countdown to christmas in how many times we had to "sleep and wake up". Like when he was four, my brother would go "all we have to do is sleep and wake up, sleep and wake up, sleep and wake up and it's CHRISTMAS!!" So I really can't believe that all we have to do is sleep and wake up.

Fortunately my brother's christmas present arrived. I bought him the "Atomic Chopper"- a super-tiny R/C helicopter that you can fly inside, "as advertised on tv". But I bought it from a spam email. And then got no confirmation, and they wouldn't answer my emails, so I thought they had ripped me off. I went so far as to order it again, to see if I got a confirmation, in case the first one didn't go through. (that's good thinking, right? "I got ripped off once, so let's do it again!") Well, ye of little faith, one arrived yesterday. (And apparently is called the Pico-Z, not the Atomic Chopper.) Now I'm wondering if I'll get another. Anyone need a mini-helicopter? I might have an extra.

So, I love being home, and I love seeing my family and the dogs, but MY GOD all we do is eat. No wonder I've never been skinny... The weight I lost last year has been creeping back up on me, and now I'm home- it is going to be time for a MAJOR diet when I get back.

We went to Ruth's Chris last night. They just opened one in Providence a few weeks ago. They haven't really worked out the kinks, service-wise, but it was still damn good. I don't eat steak that often, but this was a damn fine piece of meat. Cooked at 1800 degrees and served on 500 degree plates. (seriously). But I just can't get over how expensive it is!!! I had the cheapest steak, the petite filet, which was I think $37. And that is just a steak on a plate. Veggies/sides are like $8 each. Appetizers/salads are all >10. Desserts are like $15. And they talk you into buying bottled water instead of just tap water. And coffee etc. I don't even want to know what the bill was for the four of us.

But so then I thought, why am I such a fucking cheapskate? The whole dinner I was thinking/worrying about how much everything cost. Trying to pick cheap things off the menu. Mad at my brother when he said yes to another bottle of water, thinking "we can just drink tap water, that's fine". I mean really. Where did this come from? I wasn't paying for it. And if my dad couldn't afford it, he wouldn't offer. If he doesn't mind, why should I? I really don't understand where this cheap streak in me came from. I think I have some guilt issues about the fact that I grew up with money. Not tons and tons, but we never really worried about it, and we are all crazy-spoiled. (but hopefully not spoiled BRATS is what I say.)

So anyway, I think I'm still full from dinner last night. And tonight we're going out for another fancy dinner, and of course tomorrow will be snack-city all day long, and then Mom's big christmas dinner...

Well anyway. I hope you are all doing well. My phone has not rung once since I got home, which is a little funny, but I guess nice. But I kind of miss you guys.

Merry Christmas Eve everyone! (except Terry. Just pretend it's a regular day, man. It's almost over.)

Love,
J

P.s. Merry christmas to me!!! Got home from dinner at like midnight last night- only to find messages on AIM from my imaginary boyfriend (the neurosurgeon in Iraq) checking to see if I'd made it home ok. Woo-hoo!!! That boy is fine. I'm sure nothing will come of it, since things like that don't happen in my world, but it sure is a nice little daydream.

So I was cleaning out my spam, and had some "best podcasts of 2006" email form itunes. Usually I just delete those. But I decided to take a look. I haven't really gotten into podcasts; maybe I should.

But so what is in the 'best of' list???

A Homestar Runner VIDEO podcast! Mostly strongbad emails, including my favorite- trogdor! (see links at right).

Ahh... Makes my day. (that coupled with the fact that there exists a video game called Trauma Center:under the knife. what will be embarrassing is when I'm terrible at it.)

I know I'm not the only HSR fan out here, so go check it out everyone! (I don't know how to give a link to an itunes podcast, but you can just search in itunes.)

Addendum:
So I just spent three hours playing Trauma Center. And have come to some conclusions:
1: the Wii is cool.
2: Video games are dangerous. 3 hours goes by in a second.
3: But they're fun.
4: I kick ass at "extracting tumor cytoplasm".

Thanks tony. :)

[warning, long rant]

You should probably all just stop reading now b/c I am cranky and don't even know where to start.

I left my house in Buffalo at about 430pm today. I got to my mansion (haha) in RI at 130am. WTF. Since you can't fly ANYWHERE direct from buffalo, I had to go through PHL- worst airport ever. I don't think I have ever flown through philly and had something not go wrong. So I always vow "I am never flying through philly again"- but then next time I need a ticket, all non-PHL flight to providence are like $500. But buffalo to philly is a 50min flight. Philly to providence is 40 min. So why the fuck does it take 9 hours to get home? I could have (and should have) driven, and gotten here HOURS earlier, and saved a few hundred bucks.

If the airlines' goal is to make people think "wow, flying is such a huge inconvenient, unfriendly, uncomfortable, miserable, pain in my ass that I am never going to fly again"- they have nearly succeeded. Seriously. As my brother put it tonight- all an airline has to do is two things. Get you there, and get your bag there, in a somewhat timely fashion. They can do neither. I can't remember the last time I flew that there was not a delay/cancellation and/or lost bag.

So I get to buffalo. Checking in is no problem. I get to the gate- well according to the alerts orbitz is sending my phone, my flight is an hour and half delayed. According to the unfriendly guy attending the gate intermittently- everything was on time. Gee, guess who was right. Now I know it's unfair to take it out on the airport people, it's not their fault, and I feel badly for them. But when they announced that half the people were going to miss their connections, and to go to the ticket counter to get rescheduled for tomorrow- you could sense the rage in the air. So I guess on that front I'm lucky. I made it out, just not on time. And they don't tell you "it's 2hr late". They just keep telling you "it's 15 min late" over and over and over. Then we got on the plane, and were told we were going to sit there for an hour. but that we had to wear our seatbelts, and keep all phones and electronics off. Gee, that's fun. And apparently they don't even serve drinks on the plane anymore. And- get this- there are ADS on the back of the tray tables! Like mini billboards!! And I like that there are two bathrooms for the 6 people in first class- and two for the other million in coach. (that came in to play later.)

So anyway, I got on the plane, and as I was putting my stuff away, noticed the people across the aisle from me- DrChlorine and Allison!!! They COMPLETELY ignored me the whole flight. it was funny. She is SO eighteen. I was amused. So I took a picture of their backs as I walked to my gate in philly. Here you go:



And Paul, I thought you might get a kick out of this, in the buffalo airport.


But ok, so I get to philly. My flight is delayed, of course. So I'm waiting at the gate playing gameboy like a five year old. I noticed some jerky chippewa looking kids lingering around, didn't pay them much mind. Finally board the plane. Get to my row. Cute like 8 year old looking girl sitting alone in the window. And chippewa boy in the aise. "umm, i think you're in my seat" "which seat" "9D" "no I'm in 9D". I show him my ticket. He says "ok I'll move over" and goes to the middle. I sit next to him, and am overcome by the reek of booze and garlic belches. In an effort to be helpful he chucks my seatbelt buckle into my lap, and scratches my ipod. Thanks dude. Then all of the sudden he gets up and leaves. And is gone for a while. I think "oh good, maybe he changed seats." Then he comes back. Still all stanky. Climbs in his seat, and leans forward, leaning his head against the seat in front of him. I notice he's working his mouth, perhaps as if it's watering. I notice the whole row behind me is empty. I almost say "there's an empty row behind us, if you're not feeling well." Then decide to take the row myself. Almost feel the need to explain to him why I'm moving, then realize I need to explain nothing. So I settle into my own whole row.

Sure enough, as soon as we take off, he up and pukes all over what was my seat. In case he didn't stink enough. Then stumbles to the bathroom, where he remained for the entire rest of the flight, including landing.

The stewardesses helped the little girl into my row, and she was the sweetest wisest 10 year old I've ever met. Makisha, from St. Thomas. She said amazing things like "I don't feel bad for the sick man b/c he smelled like he was drinking" and then "but i hope the sick man is safe." And later "I had four friends. But then one of them was talking about me behind my back. So now I have three friends and it's better." All in her adorable St. Thomas accent. She was going to RI to visit her dad, while her mom was in the hospital in St. thomas having a baby. She is really hoping to see some snow, and wants an ipod for christmas. She offered me half her gum when her ears started hurting, in case mine were too. And at the end of the flight gave me a hug and wished me a merry christmas. I love her.

Then I saw drunk boy at baggage claim and gave him dirty looks.

Then I spent a long time at baggage claim because, you guessed it, they lost my bag. I guess 3 hour layovers aren't long enough to transfer luggage. So I went to file a claim. There was some girl there who had been waiting for her bag since 9am. (14 hours. Go home honey.) Showed them my barcode sticker. Assumed they would scan the barcode, which would match the scan on my bag, and they would know which plane my bag was on. Oh no. Of course not. They don't actually scan the bags, and have no idea what plane they're on. Gee, maybe they wouldn't lose so many bags if they DID scan them.

Saw a man in a santa hat and woman in reindeer horns and thought for a terrified second it was my parents, but it wasn't. Finally found dad and bro, and made it home. Sleepy mom woke up to say hi, and I roused the pups from the dead and ate some cookies.

The thing is, a few hours of sleep and waking up in my old house with my family around and nothing to do but soak up christmas spirit will be all it takes to make me good ole' Smily-Jenks again. :)

So, I think that's just about enough bitching for today, and I'm sure you all agree. ;)

-J

boohoo. Today was my last day at roswell. ever. And NO ONE noticed or cared or said a single word, despite a week of hints on my part. That makes me sad.

BUT- my flt home to see the fam (& the puppies!) leaves in 2hr. Yay! First xmas @ home in years.

AND I IM'd Dr McDreamy (in Iraq) for 2hr today- so i guess it's not all bad.

Wow...
A (very hot, if his pictures are to be believed) pediatric neurosurgeon (!!) on myspace just sent me a message because he is moving to buffalo next month.

Crazy!