Aww...
So I just went to check on a patient. Frankly, the guy freaks me out a little. He's like a homeless Hep C positive crack addict with scary eyes who probably hadn't eaten in two weeks... So I try to check on him without waking him up. So I was just tiptoeing out of the room, when this sweet little old man peeked in the door... He was this mild mannered little old guy, a little hunched over, in a cute little blazer... and he said "i'm from pastoral care... I hope i'm not interrupting... oh I'll come back later!" and I said no not at all, go right ahead. And I walked out as he walked in. And I heard him say to my delightful patient "Hi I'm Mr. Jones from Pastoral Care... Would you like to take communion this morning?" and Mr. Scary just sort of snarled at him like "don't come near my food". Such different worlds... but somehow it just made me sad that this cute little old man is trying to do something nice in the hospital, and nearly gets his head ripped off.

And last week I had some 70-something year old guy who had just found out he has lung cancer that has spread to his brain. They'd already done brain surgery, and he came to us to have lung surgery. And something about it just struck a chord. This old man, sitting there naked on the edge of the OR table, with his saggy old man boobs, waiting for his epidural... I almost cried. He seemed pretty resigned to everything, but all I could think was how terrified he must be. (fortunately the surgery went fine and he did well and went home shortly thereafter).

So these things nearly make me cry, but it doesn't really bother me to tell someone we have to amputate their leg. What is my problem...

And of course today is the one day this week that i have a case to do. When is my case? 3pm today. That is if it goes on time, which nothing ever does. And of course this is the one day I'm trying to leave early, since I'm supposed to leave for rochester at 5 (and need to go home to shower/change first) for a graduation/going away party for a friend. Fucking great, I probably won't be able to go. :(

Ok, so of the choices of activities for the evening tonight, I definitely chose well.
Thurs in the square- eh. Seemed grey and rainy.
Sabres game- probably glad I didn't see it.
Tony Bennett at Fallsview Casino?! ding ding ding I win!! Good excuse to get all dolled up and hear a legend. He did a good job. Hearing those songs reminded me of dinnertime growing up. Sigh... such simple good old love songs. You took that part that once was my heart, so why not take all of me? Sometimes I wonder if our generation is missing out.

Then a walk down to see the falls at night, all lit up.

And then a little stalking of (e:ladycroft) and (e:leetee) on the way home- the estrip bumper stickers were the giveaway!

It was a nice evening.
Thanks for thinking of me, (e:vincent).

And you'll just have to take my word for it, but this is Tony Bennett (I learned that his real name is Antonio (something) DiBenedetto or something like that). Terrible pic b/c I didn't want to be obnoxious and use the flash:



And here's a terrible recording from my phone: Or not. Hmmm

::DOWNLOAD SOUND::

And finally, a terrible pic of the falls at night.



Terrible media all around, my apologies.

And without further ado, I am off to bed.

-J

I had an amazing revelation today: if I leave my house, I meet people! Wow!

Last night went to Cozumel. Ran into a girl from work. Got introduced to her h-o-t friend (who is leaving friday for 4 months on a fishing boat in alaska. of course)

Then today I spent 7 hours at Spot. I think it might be the epicenter of the universe. Or at least Buffalo. Or, more likely, I am just finally starting to know people in town, and see them out.

I'm on "home call" which means I can't really go far, etc, so I figured I'd at least hang out and get some studying done. So I went and camped out with my books. As usual didn't get much accomplished. But I enjoyed people watching, and my cinco shake. And my jet tea. And my tall house. Watched one guy get up and switch seats three times (getting progressively closer with each move), and then actually come over and say hi. That was a (pleasant) first... Then I saw (e:mrmike) for a split second. The later (e:joshua) . Then (e:decoyisryan) . Then three people from work. Then my friend Kristen who moved to NYC.

I think someone should do a sociology study on that place. It's like everyone there knows everyone. Seriously I'd say 2 out of 3 people that walk through to door know someone working there, or just hanging out. It's pretty cool.

But I finally had to leave b/c, well for one I'd been there forever, but also b/c I was wearing a little tank top, and after the sun went down, and my sunburn kicked in... well I was really cold. And when I went to the bathroom I realized...how do I put this... it was quite obvious I was cold. I felt indecent. It was kind of embarrassing.

So I came home, and my little frog is dead. :( I'd noticed he wasn't really eating... I don't know what happened. Poor little guy... All the fish are fine, and I never noticed them bothering him... and I tested the water. I feel like a murderer...

Well anyway, time to get ready for work tomorrow. Hope you all enjoyed the holiday weekend!!

-J

So I don't like when people totally figure me out. I don't mean to say that I try to be all secretive and mysterious; but once in a while someone just hits the nail right on the head, and it kind of takes my breath away.

Like a few weeks ago, someone questioned whether I am "my own person", or if I just adopt all my parents' values/opinions without forming my own. And I was immediately angry/defensive, until I realized "oh shit. maybe he's got a point." [And I told my mom this, and she said "oh god. Well if you're going to be a clone of one of us, it should at least be ME, not DAD. I'm much smarter than he is." haha I love my mom.]

But then last night a drunken Work Boy asked me if I could change one thing about myself, what would it be- and I said I'd like to not be so shy. And he said 'yeah... you are too shy.' (gee thanks.) But he went on... "you worry too much about what other people think. You need to relax and live a little. You've spent your whole life being The Good Girl. You've always done everything right, and safe, and boring. You come from a great, but conservative, family, and even your "wild side", your pierced tongue for example, is 'safe'- nothing permanent like a tattoo. You're really this good, reserved, conservative girl- but you want to have this air of mystery and excitement around you..."

Fuck! Because he might be kind of right, but I don't like seeing it spelled out that way.

But, the funny thing is- he was saying all this because I wouldn't make out with him in the middle of the bar and he was trying to convince me "live a little". But as far as the threesome thing goes (which I don't know why I even told him, except that 1- I was drunk and 2- oh yeah I tell everyone everything. fortunately I didn't give any details) he was totally judgmental and "ew gross don't be a skank" and 'what would you tell your grandchildren?'

But enough of that...

So last night my plans kept getting changed around, and I ended being talked into watching the end of the game at Work Boy's house, and waiting for (e:imk2) to be free to go to Swannie House to see Jackdaw. So the boys there were all excited that another girl was coming by, first question (of course) was "is she hot?!". (To which I said "of course", naturally). But so Work Boy seemed totally intrigued by Yvonne. Very curious about how we know each other, and when I was vague about it (only b/c I'm still shy to admit to my inner nerdiness by saying 'online', and also because I don't want him (or anyone from work) reading my journal) he got it into his head that we are lesbian lovers and I just didn't want to tell him. He asked me like five times "c'mon you can tell me! I'm your friend! I won't tell! Have you made out?! I know you have!" And when Yvonne asked how I knew him, and I said work, and she said 'oh he's not from the site?' he was like "what site?!" and I wouldn't say, and he got it into his head that it's some secret society. He's always telling me that he thinks I have some secret mystery life that is very exciting and exotic (because I have friends that he doesn't know- gasp!). But then later in the night he goes on with the "good girl" speech from above...

But anyway, so we made it to swannie, and the boys, who initially were way too cool to go to south buffalo, called to ask where to meet us. haha. They were pretty drunk and alternated between drunk-funny and drunk-annoying. While I was getting the good girl lecture, I think Yvonne was getting an earful about radio waves and how we can't see them.

So all in all a good night. Nice to get out. I didn't get enough sleep, but fortunately I was not hungover, which is a beautiful thing.

And speaking of beautiful... it's time to get my ass outside!! (beautiful referring to outside, not my ass. ;) )

Ciao,
-J

Ok, so I wasn't imagining things. I got confirmation today. It was definitely an invite for a threesome.

And to be totally honest, i'm not sure what I think. My gut instinct is 'um no'. But then a tiny part of me thinks "maybe, for once, I should do something 'crazy'". But maybe not that kind of crazy. Who knows. I'm just still a little stunned over the whole thing.

I may talk a big game, but I'm actually quite shy and reserved (well, at least in person)- this is the kind of thing that I read about in Cosmo, not that actually happens to me. We'll see.

And then I got to thinking...
Am I too open? I have very few secrets. I wonder if I tell people too much too soon. A med student I only worked with for a like a week asked me "what's up?" today. A benign question that generally is just a greeting, and not a real inquiry. But I almost said 'I got propositioned for a threesome!" and then realized, maybe there are some things best kept to myself.... It's like I will tell anyone anything.

What do you think peeps, do I need to turn my internal censor up a notch?

I hope you all got your fill of Jens, b/c I'm switching it up again. Now for your listening pleasure I present Dance Music, by The Mountain Goats.

Oh yeah, and a little shoutout... my friend from high school, Curtis, just had her second book published- The Man of My Dreams. But bad friend that I am, I didn't even know it til my mom sent me a copy. Her first book, Prep, even made the NYT bestseller list, and comparisons to Salinger are being thrown around. Neat...

Later...
-J