God, what a dreary, ugly, depressing day it is out there.
I think I will take a lesson from (e:jason) and hibernate for a while.
(i wish).

But so I just got my gas bill. I used TWICE what I used last january. How is that?
Yes I keep my apt very warm. (I hate being cold, and I'm willing to pay for it.) But i haven't really turned the thermostat up since last winter. I was out of town for a week last january, but that can't be it.
But I did start using my electric blanket this year. It's just so damn cozy. I turn it on for a while before getting in bed so the sheets are warm. Could that be it?? Anyone know if they use much electricity?

And while I'm yelling about bills, WTF is up with adelphia raising rates, AGAIN?? Grr. I've never seen anyone pay as much for cable as I do.

But on a good note, work crush #2 has switched hospitals, and is on my team now. Ah, the hotness. However, he has totally pissed me off since he is flaking on a proposed schedule change, and kind of screwing me over. It sucks. I am pissed at him for that. Makes me a little less enamored. For the moment. haha. I'm sure I will be back to swooning as soon as we make it through our big exam and I don't have to be so pissy about the schedule.

so while i'm whining...

Ex-boyfriend has got to go. "But wait" you say, "you said that a month ago!" (e:jenks,19) Indeed I did, gentle reader. (I'm impressed you were paying attention.) But I caved. But this time I mean it. He has proven over and over that he doesn't give a shit about me (i mean really, he dumped my ass, what other hints do I need??), so why is it so hard to let him go? The only thing left to do is delete him from my phone. But I can't quite do it. Yet. Part of me knows that never talking to him again is what I need to do. But part of me fears that more than anything in the world. he was (is) such a huge part of my life in buffalo.

Ugh. I'm sorry.
I had made a pseudo-promise to myself to stop whining to you all about my ex. I hate sounding this pathetic. (I also promised to stop bitching about work, actually just to stop bitching so much in general, but that hasn't happened either. ha!)

Man I hate studying.

sigh.

what a ball of negative energy i am. man. I need something fun to happen.
Two weeks..... then the test is done, and I can procrastinate to my heart's desire without having to feel guilty about it. can't wait.

later peeps.

I'm on that strange utter-exhaustion buzz right now, so I have random thoughts to share; I apologize in advance.

I just raced "myself" home from work. It was awesome. At a light I noticed my EXACT same car pulled up next to me. Same colors, same options, etc. And the driver waved and zipped out into traffic which I took as a challenge, so we flew down 33-198-elmwood, til she got off at buff state and I kept going. I also love that it was a chick driving b/c girls never race. :)

Fun lyrics from a song in the car:
You are a beau-ty
Is your dad a dealer, cuz you're dope to me!

then the next song was 'bleed a little while tonight' by lowest of the low. My ex told me once to play that song and "listen to the lyrics", like there was a secret message. So I did:

I don't know where I'm going
I don't know where you are tonight
I don't know what I'm blowing
And I ain't feelin' all too right

But I'm hanging around
Yeah, I'm hanging around
You're hanging up the phone again
I'm hanging up this town, 'cause...

I want you and
I need you and
I'm bleeding and
I'll bleed a little while tonight

Well, I don't know much about you
Not more than a smile or two can say
And everything I've learned about you
I've learned through the pit of my stomach anyway

And I'd forget about you if I could dare but
I just want to make love to you in some dark, rainy street somewhere

I will hold this coin that
Reminds me of the time when
You nearly kissed me blind on Bathurst street it's true
But if you turn me down
I'll spin this coin around
And give it back to you, 'cause it's something I can't explain
And if it's all the same to you

Damn, damn the circumstance
Well, my heart is aching
And my room is spinning
It's grey without you in it
My bad luck's just beginning
Don't let me bleed again tonight

My mistakes are taunting me
And I'm hanging around in my old haunts
And I remember you telling me that
Alex never gets what she wants
But you've got someone
And it ain't me
I've got myself again but I just can't let this be

So... I sort of hoped his "secret message" was maybe the first highlighted part. Or the second. But in fact it was the third. And I just found it amusing that the same song contained the 4th one.

But I promise to stop talking about the stupid ex one of these days.
Right now I am amusing myself by chatting with the myspace boy. I'm sure I will find some way to fuck it up and have it all blow up in my face, but for now it's entertaining, and I guess that's good.

nap time...

First, a boy emailed me on my myspace. Who on further investigation turned out to be the same boy that drunkenly hit on me on St. Pat's day. He didn't know it. Very funny. And when I apprised him of the situation, he said "I knew you looked familar. That just goes to prove that I have great taste in women even when destroyed. Yesss!" I thought that was cute.

Next: new favorite dinner (nothing original, but I love it):
fresh mozzarella (the tiny "pearlini" version from wegman's olive bar)
grape tomatos, halved
fresh basil, coarsely chopped
splash of olive oil
lots of lemon juice
tiny bit of balsamic
lots of salt and pepper

yum yum so good I had to share. And am off to make more.

Good "morning" peeps.
I cannot think of a better way to spend my first day off in two weeks than sleeping til 11. I loooooove sleeping. Don't really love that the day is half over when I get up, but that's ok. And considering that I usually get up around 4, this was a huge sleep-in.

And I probably would still be asleep if I hadn't been awakened by an icky dream... I was trying to get a puppy for my brother. And I started out in some weird industrial looking place (prison? high school basement?) with white painted cinder block walls and buzzing fluorescent lights, being led around by some sketchy toothless guy who was telling me he didn't think he had what I wanted. But then he took me outside- it was like a habitrail [remember those hamster cages?] for puppies. Multiple little areas connected by tubes, etc. And there was The Cutest little white bulldog puppy frolicking around... [i (well my parents) have a white bulldog in real life]. He was sliding down the slide and squeezing through the tubes... So cute. I was running around trying to take pictures. Then he jumped in the little 'pond' to go for a swim. he was paddling around (cutely), then went underwater. I didn't think twice, figured he was diving for something. [give me a break, it was a dream]. Then he was gone a while, and i noticed this trail of bubbles coming from the bottom and i got a little nervous... then all of the sudden the water cleared and i could see the bottom- no more bubbles, and just a little piece of white hide laying on the bottom.
He had been eaten by an alligator.
What the fuck.
Why do I have to have a dream like that???

But so now it's sunday... Time to figure out which lazy way to spend my day. I really should get to studying, but I want a little relaxation time first. So many choices.... drink coffee and read the paper in my yummy cashmere robe? Bubble bath? Big breakfast? Watch a movie? All of the above??

So I met another peepette last night... I had dinner and a nice long coffee at spot (under some strange cold-wind-blowing fan) with (e:ladycroft), (e:theecarey) and (e:pyrcedgrrl). It was a pleasant, well-behaved way to spend a cold evening. Despite our weird waiter who kept trying to join our conversation- at one point he called himself a lesbian (because he loves women!), tried to convince us that nascar is great, and somehow mentioned herpes. Hmm.
But it was strange out last night... the streets were empty, no one was around... I mean I know it went from like 60 to -60 overnight, but this is Buffalo- aren't you (we?) used to that yet??

So now I'm off to try to find my favorite earring. It was poking me in the cheek on my way home from spot, and was missing when I got ready for bed, so I'm hope hope hoping that it's in my car, or maybe the driveway. ((e:ladycroft), keep an eye out for a silver flower with little dangly pearls. Maybe it jumped onto you.)

Oh, and you can all thank me for bumping the student loan total over the million dollar mark. How depressing. I consolidated last year, so now it's just one humongous loan. It's so much money it's like monopoly money to me. I just can't even fathom owing that much money to someone. (it's just shy of $200K.) But until the deferment paperwork went through after consolidating, I was technically in repayment, so I got a bill and a payment schedule- I owe $432/month. Until 2035. Except I'm not paying yet, so it's going to take even longer. I just have to hope that someday this 30+ years of school/training will pay off.

Well on that lovely note, I hope you all have a wonderful sunday.

-J

Well last night was a big bust again, as usual.
I had been looking forward to it for weeks... Finally a chance to go out drinking and stay out late and not have to get up early in the morning...

And I spent the night on my couch.

I wanted to sleep yesterday, so I wouldn't be too tired to go out. But I also wanted to go out and enjoy the weather. Ended up going for a walk with (e:ladycroft), and we ran into (e:mike). I think (e:mike) is my most common random peep sighting. :)

So I went for my walk. Came home. Cleaned up, did some cooking (with obligatory wine-drinking), got all dressed to go out... Started making some calls...

Called like 6 people to go out, but no one got back to me.
Or rather, when they did it was too late and they were drunk and I'd already fallen asleep. Literally all dressed up with nowhere to go, and I fell asleep on my couch. :( I guess it's my own fault for not having made more concrete plans in advance.

Oh well. I think I have another day off in 3 weeks or so. Maybe then people will go out with me. I just hope I don't spend my bday on the couch.