i knew there was a reason why i didn't want to feel anything for anyone.

i think i wrote a post about this a while ago. about how much i dislike passion. it makes you so happy or so sad. and passion wouldn't be so bad if it only came by itself, but add caring to the equation, and you can no longer think straight.

and all you can think about is how this person feels and how they make you feel, and how you just want to spend your days with your head pressed against their chest, listening to their heart as it whispers everything you've ever wanted to hear. and the longer you lay there, the safer you feel, and the safer you feel, the more scared you become of it going away.

i hate having feelings and i have an inkling that they hate me too.

i hope i still feel this way next year. i got my first paycheck today and i love money too.

minesota was hot, tempature wise. they were having twins games on tues and wednesday and both times 50 thousand fans attended the games. AT TWELVE NOON. don't these people have to work?

i finally finished my database, thanks to my database master. i owe him a lot. my boss thinks i'm a genius. BJ's on the way, buddy!

the sweet home school district is doing their own evaluation of faben. to see if she REALLY has asperger's. there is so much paperwork to fill out. they just don't take your word for it.

why is it that i filled out my car registation renewal online 3 weeks ago and i STILL have not gotten the sticker. now i have to hid from the parking police cuz i already got a ticket for it. i'm not going to fight it, i have so many tickets already, what's another to add to the list.

it's my ex-ex's birthday today. he's so sad, i promised to take him out for dinner, since he's got no one else to take him. when i told him that, he thought it would be worth a shot to thorw in a begging for birthday booty. i'm not that nice, and he's not that worthy. AND this man that i sat on the plane with, that is going through this awful divorce cuz his wife got bored, asked me to marry him and move to philladelphia with him.

i must be giving of sex me sents these days.

so i'm strolling back to my hotel in this incredibly insane heat wave that minneapolis is having, thinking to myself that shit is a little too insane right now. that i'm under some major (patly self induced) pressure, confused and bewildered, and i take the elevator to my redecorated holiday inn room on the 14 floor, when i notice that my message light on my hotel room phone is blinking.

i listen to the message and it says that there is a package waiting for me at the front desk!

weird, i think, why would there be a package for me? did i forget something at the airport and theyre sending it to me? is my job sending something i should have with me. i know of course they would have called me if i forgot to take something.

so on the long ride back down to the lobby, i go through the list of people who could have sent me something, crossing my mom right off that list, since she would rather see hell freeze over than do anything nice for me, or anyone else, for that matter. she is a anorexic sentimentalist. and so, i come up with nothing.

i get to the front desk, and i tell them it's me and they turn to the back counter and produce a huge bouquet of roses in a vase!

and then i realized who sent this.

thank you so, so much. you are so sweet and kind. after a shitty day of mental confusion and body aches from an unending flu like sickness, this was what i needed to make things better. i never, in a million years expected it. i feel so special. you are doing a good job of wooing me.

i must admit i had tons of fun at the party, although i myself had some boy drama. FINALLY! i can now join the ranks of jenks.

and if anyone asks, i didn't do anything in the dark attic, i swear!!!

well, maybe a little bit...

but i deserve some action too.

the ex-ex seemed to have gotten so fucked up and so down on himself that he left in a fit because he apparently got jealous. such is the bed that he has made. besides, that is soooo two years ago.

i def think the best conversations were held out on the porch. it was nothing but sitting on faces, sucking pussy, giving blow jobs, reaching orgasm, anal sex, squirting, drugs, and a few other subjects i dare not remember.

it was a pleasure finally meeting (e:twisted) and (e:carolinian) and the oh so charming, (e:kookcity2000) . you were definitely the highlight of the party.

(e:terry) you can cancel the plans for the party i asked you to attend. i think i will hold off on that one.

i am now sitting in the minneapolis airport. i've been here since noon. they lost my baggage and since it will be coming on the next flight, i decided to wait for it. if i was a real paying customer, i would have had them deliver it to my hotel room. but i decided to be nice to my boss and save her a few extra hundred bucks so i used my travel privileges to get to training. but since i'm an employee of us airways they wont deliver the baggage to my hotel unless i pay $18. so i'm sitting around playing on my computer. had to pay $7.95 for wireless access. ate mcdonalds, wanted to eat ben and jerry's but thought it was time to pick up my bag from the baggage claim. unfortunately i didn't realize that time moves back an hour in minneapolis and although i am an hour younger here, my luggage is still an hour away.

i so badly need a shower and a change of clothes and a bed. i am still in the same exact makeup/clothes(minus the fishnets), fake lashes and hair that i was at the party. i came home at 2:30 am, had to pack for this 4 day trip and and head to the airport at before the crack of dawn.

i have a headache, body ache, and lung ache. i quit smoking and last night i fell off the wagon.

i do love my freind lynne and she is the chillest chick i know, but thanks for busting me out last night, biaaatch!

I found a victim!