Um guys...., I don't feel so good.....

I think I'm gonna pukey.....

I'm a little drunk....

Um....about those pictures...?

awwwww fuck it, poste em all...

and fuck men! i hate them all!

well at least that one...

so i put up a sound for my profile. it's a piece from ghost in the shell. if there are any anime fans here, you might know it.

i think it sounds like a death march.

how appropriate.

ok,

got out of the house. feel better. much better, even if it's temporary, it's good. went to the office and did some work. i got to vent to my boss, who is my age and can sympathize. dragged my daughter with me with the promise of dinner and a movie. while at work, i received a call from my ex-ex, which was a total surprise since we have not talked in many months. i got super paranoid that he might have found out about the now ex, so i did not answer the phone.

we had a yummy dinner at india gate. i had the lobster tandori which came with TWO lobster tails, so we were able to share.

we then went to market arcade to see underworld. as i'm sitting there in the empty lobby, who comes running in? the ex-ex. WTF? months without talking and he calls AND i run into him all in the same day, right after i get canned? i guess he now works next door as a server and was running after a customer who left something behind in the restaurant. he spots me and of course comes over and starts yapping.

i couldn't help myself. i had to lie. when he asked how my relationship was doing, i blurted out how in love we are. i asked how him and his g/f are and he replied, "why, are you going to take me back?"

NO.

it's funny. almost like a mini movie. he wants her, she wants the one that does not want her for not wanting him enough. everyone wants someone, and no one is happy.

This is how it all goes down in the end!

so i just found out that my old dentist and my parents current dentist for the past 15 years, was murdered in his home. stabbed to death. that has got to be the worst way to die, besides burning alive.

i have this irrational (maybe not so irrational) fear that someone is going to come into my house and murder me. i've watched so many A&E cold case files, that my imagination has me sleeping with a knife between the mattress and the box spring. my ex used to get freaked out that i would stab him in my sleep. i always thought it was his guilty conscience that was freaking him out.

anyways, i remember living in baltimore and having a room in the basement. it was one of those finished basements that had french doors that opened into the back yard and my back yard was a forest. so i used to get so scared that a serial killer would come though those doors and into my bed.

once, on a very rainy night, i was alone in the three story townhouse. alone in my basement room at three am, ironing my clothes. i could not see anything outside cuz it was pitch dark and the rain was pouring. standing in my room, anyone could see in, because of the windows and the glass doors, but i could see nothing but black.

suddenly, everything went dark. my lights, in the entire house, turned off. the tv turned off, everything went silent. i seriously thought to myself, "that's it, i'm done, i'm going to die. someone is here to finally kill me" i thought some madman cut the lights and snuck into the house and was now waiting for me to try to make a move across my room, up the stairs to the main floor. it took all the courage i had to run upstairs and call a friend to come pick me up. i was afraid to go outside, cuz i thought they could be waiting outside too.

so my friend drove 20 minutes at 3 am on a rainy night so that i could spend the night at her house. she came and went to check out the basement and saw that i blew a fuse with the tv, lights and iron working all at once.

i'm usually not that high maintenance. the only other time i got that freaked out was when our house on breckenridge got hit by lightning and set off all the smoke alarms. oh and while working as a flight attendant and we had to make an emergency landing on the morning of 9/11 when i was on my way to DC. ok, and one more, but someone actually got murdered in front of me. but that's it, i swear. usually i'm pretty brave. but someone is out there, lurking in the shadows, waiting for me to fall asleep, foaming at the mouth and holding a filleting knife, waiting for just the right opportunity....to make his move...and make mine, my last.