i decided that i am not only going to abstain from relationships for a loooong time, i am also dropping sex and masturbation. funny it's not a hard decision to make right now, as i am not even able to masturbate without wanting to cry as i orgasm! i don't know why, but it makes me want to sob myself to sleep. so i'm quitting them all together.

it feels like the break-up happened weeks ago, when it's only been one week. i saw pics of the ex at a party he attended this weekend and i am happy to report that he looked like absolute shit! he looks like he's been literally smokin crack! quite shocking. someone told me that he was miserable the most of the time and stayed to himself.

good, i hope that bastard drowns in his misery.

i want us to remain friends, he said. FUCK YOU! you can befriend my fucking vomit as i puke up the fucking bullshit that spews out of your fucking mouth, you foul, selfish, self absorbed fuck. YOU LOOK LIKE FUCKING SHIT, and it now matches to your fucking personality, you slimy cockroach!


and with that, goodnight.

Um guys....

I'm drunk again!

Second night in a row....not like it's a problem or anything,...

I went to a polish dance with my parents and my stepsister. I got drunk with all the old, corny polish people. I am so lame....

But hey, beggers can't be choosers, I take what I can get.

Thank god for spell checker, cuz drunk + writing = shit

I lied, I didn't even use spell checker, too drunk to care.

I am a bitter woman, yes I am. And I think I will be for a looooong time.

Um guys...., I don't feel so good.....

I think I'm gonna pukey.....

I'm a little drunk....

Um....about those pictures...?

awwwww fuck it, poste em all...

and fuck men! i hate them all!

well at least that one...

so i put up a sound for my profile. it's a piece from ghost in the shell. if there are any anime fans here, you might know it.

i think it sounds like a death march.

how appropriate.

ok,

got out of the house. feel better. much better, even if it's temporary, it's good. went to the office and did some work. i got to vent to my boss, who is my age and can sympathize. dragged my daughter with me with the promise of dinner and a movie. while at work, i received a call from my ex-ex, which was a total surprise since we have not talked in many months. i got super paranoid that he might have found out about the now ex, so i did not answer the phone.

we had a yummy dinner at india gate. i had the lobster tandori which came with TWO lobster tails, so we were able to share.

we then went to market arcade to see underworld. as i'm sitting there in the empty lobby, who comes running in? the ex-ex. WTF? months without talking and he calls AND i run into him all in the same day, right after i get canned? i guess he now works next door as a server and was running after a customer who left something behind in the restaurant. he spots me and of course comes over and starts yapping.

i couldn't help myself. i had to lie. when he asked how my relationship was doing, i blurted out how in love we are. i asked how him and his g/f are and he replied, "why, are you going to take me back?"

NO.

it's funny. almost like a mini movie. he wants her, she wants the one that does not want her for not wanting him enough. everyone wants someone, and no one is happy.