06/12/04 10:19 - ID#35258

Read the one below, then this.

OKay . . . tell me if you've ever been here.

So you work all night towing cars, sort of breaking your back, but it's at least better than working out despite the fact that your arms feel like they'll explode, and you spend all night in the cab of your truck thinking about certain questions that tend to engulf your life, then a buddy driver of yours says lets go get a few when your shift is over, so you do, and a few later, you're in the bar saying, oh no, she's cute enough, but do I really want to exert the effort, no, so you leave on your bike listening to Rage to keep you awake, you get home, go on estrip and read a bunch but then ultimately write this maniacal diatribe about people's potential compared to what they actually do, hell it might even make sense, but then you wake up early the next moring and do the equivalent of a literary one night stand - you look at what you wrote, and say, now where the hell did you come from, have I seen you before, and do you want breakfast or will I just see you later?

does that ever happen to you?

Tis strange. Tis.

I'd love to blame it on alcohol, but it had left by the time I started to type.

Alas.

Permalink: Read_the_one_below_then_this_.html
Words: 229
Location: Buffalo, NY

06/12/04 03:56 - ID#35257

Pe vs Ke

If the potential energy of a said object tends to be more than what the kinetic energy is, of course you must assume this, given this given, then, in general, most things have more power in their potential than they do in their movement. In other words the potential for something tends to be so much greater than what that something does. Hence the reason why inaction is so exciting. BUt it's all relative people isn't it. Your potential is only as good as your height (in physics) but your potential is only as good as you realization of it, or of where you are. Where does that leave us? Perhaps with the desire to match the potential with the kinetic.

It's like I'm sanding the marble sculpture of a dancer that I started years and years ago. I'm on the verge. But so are you.

Your potential is arousing and if you only knew that, you'd be teetering between the s and m - the sane and the mad, but looking fantasic in the process.

Permalink: Pe_vs_Ke.html
Words: 176
Location: Buffalo, NY

06/09/04 04:00 - ID#35256

added thought to below

Stay stagnant for fear of jeopardizing what you have.

But what the fuck do you have?

ah.

Permalink: added_thought_to_below.html
Words: 17
Location: Buffalo, NY

06/09/04 03:53 - ID#35255

what is going to happen

I must embrace confusion. By that I mean, that's what happens, not what I intend to do. I can live with it, and there are parts of me that like it. And when it's not there, I nix it right away. And I apologize to those who I've done this to. It's not my fault. It's just what happens.

This weekend, on a side note, I wonder if this helps. I mean, who am I talking to? You? Me? Both I'd say. By the ticket, take the ride.

I used to not worry, but now I do. There is no point, but then, like I was saying before, this weekend solidified that idea. The point is what I make it and that's it. So if I get muddled up in shit, it has to be because I enjoy it. There has to be a bunch of you who know exactly what I'm talking about. Then, maybe not.

But I'm done. I have to focus on what I need to do rather than concentrate on variables I have no say in. It's like what Dostoyevsky said about the architect who builds his house. Those who are angry are those who have finished. Perhaps therein lies the reason for my obsession with the uncertain.

I'm going to go to bed before it gets bad.

I should let it get bad again, but I'm still paying the hospital bills for it.

I think I better think it out again.

Permalink: what_is_going_to_happen.html
Words: 246
Location: Buffalo, NY

06/07/04 07:13 - ID#35254

Sense in the Abyss

we're sticking (pun intended) with this one for a bit.

Funny thing is I look just like that guy to the right.

And yet I can't leave without posing an idea . . .

I'm walking along a trestle, on a train track surrounded by the absurd. I need to accept that. That is the key to eliminating guilt and self doubt.

I'm just not sure I'd like to rid my existence of those two all together.

Permalink: Sense_in_the_Abyss.html
Words: 74
Location: Buffalo, NY

06/05/04 10:10 - ID#35253

What Will Happen Tonight

I'm heading to Rochester to reminisce with some old friends.

Things that will ensue:

Whiskey drinking
Talks of Camus and Sartre's influence
Why people do good?
Women
Physics
Nihilism and debauchery
Hamlet
Anarchy
Next march on Washington
Rum drinking
Big black men telling stories of where they've been
Guitar playing and drumming
The enigma of life in general and the fact that things only exist because we say so, hence God is an aparition and yet he's mine, so there's no discussion. I don't need to prove it, because of faith.
What is faith?
What is hope?
Woody Guthrie
smoking
Why we prefer, sometimes, reading about people rather than people
Why, no matter what, there is always some sort of attraction between people, be it positive or negative
My low self esteem, which can be debated considering I'm on the fence with that one. I've yet to not do something because I was afraid. But I have not done something because I just don't see the point.
Ex-girlfriends
The poor
The poor in Jessie's house, he runs a pseudo shelter
Which goverment lists we're on
When Jessie might get assasinated because he's a budding Che
I'll let you know what else happens

God speed folks

Permalink: What_Will_Happen_Tonight.html
Words: 205
Location: Buffalo, NY

06/05/04 03:06 - ID#35252

Asleep at the Keyboard

That sucks. I just wrote this whole thing about tipping versus intentions (which I deemed to be the same thing, especially in your case Keith), and I had this really good story about towing and Moliere.

Well I just got home from work actually and I tend to fall asleep on my computer a lot. So after about a half hour of typing, my log disappeared. Apparently I closed my eyes and my finger found its way to the "esc" button. When I awoke, my story was gone. I Ctrl Zed forever, but it's gone.

Hey, what can ya do.

Thanks though Keith. Good to run into you again. I hope your car worked out well.

Night all.

(still pretty pissed about losing what I wrote. Or am I pissed about my inability to decide what my body does. I don't want to sleep, but I think the rest of me wants to.)

Fucking dick shit piss fuck - fuck ass

I feel better now.

Permalink: Asleep_at_the_Keyboard.html
Words: 165
Location: Buffalo, NY

06/04/04 01:13 - ID#35251

All Right Then

Well thanks Paul but honestly I think I look a lot better in this pic than I do in person. This picture is of when I had shaved my head and dyed whatever I had left blonde.

Oh and I tried to make myself as strung out as I possibly could. That was a strange month of watching Requiem for a Dream over, and over again.

But Paul, we'll see what people say, or if they say anything. I do know that I get disgusted seeing that picture so inevitably, it will soon change, but isn't having an unrecognizable picture a bit appealing? People's expectations start out so small that I look better just by defaut. I should put my horribly cheesy headshot in, when I was desperately trying to be an actor in New York. I had a David Hasslehoff thing going on. Yeah, no one will see that picture.

So Keith, apparently I know you? Did you tow me? Oh wait, I'm the tow truck driver (unless you are too) Did I tow you? Please tell me I didn't fuck up your car. If I did I apologize. My ratio is about 1:100 cars get a scratch or something like it. 1% error is no all too bad.

It was a blast last night. Got to read a bit, shoot the shite, and then smoke a lot. This morning's light was an abomination.

Physics wasn't even fun today.

BUt this is. Sort of. Well sort of narcissistic but Paul you started it. Okay so, the pic you see to your right or one of these?

pic 1

there's something there I don't trust nor should you

pic 2

the morning after

pic 3

the best place in the world, central park and I guess I look like that because I was leaving that town

pic 4

oh so hopeful. Too bad . . .

pic 5

this can be a good potential here. Changing the quote every week . . . I don't know I still think I look better in the pic on your right.

Permalink: All_Right_Then.html
Words: 340
Location: Buffalo, NY

06/04/04 03:30 - ID#35250

whatever I don't know, PINK!

okay peeps we're in the
pink uh yeah, terry and liz are getting it on, that guy who groped me is
now gone, no thanks to robin who allowed said groping, and paul is
moving his head like he's on lsd, sweet. notes; camping trip, and strip
poker rematch happening soon, I want to get naked goddamnit robin, get
your head outta my chest here. . . uh okay seeya

Permalink: whatever_I_don_t_know_PINK_.html
Words: 68
Location: Buffalo, NY

06/03/04 02:31 - ID#35249

pop

There's a full moon in the sky
at least as full as it could be to a guy like me
who is pretty much aching for something
something, hm, something what
hope?
no
faith?
not really
just something
not a lot though
jesus christ I sound like Tony
in West side long story, something's coming,
could be
who knows
well open your goddamn ears and eyes
stop being and asshole and loving loathsome
hey it's fun at parties but find something real
wait though, good luck
you made your bed
slept in it too
well don't sleep much anymore
blame physics
never really slept though
never saw the point
my body does
I'm getting thinner
I look okay
but thinner
my hair is curling more
am I going bald
no fooling, my skin on my arms, when I get home
from work feels as though that if I poke it
with a needle
it will explode

hey

interesting

Permalink: pop.html
Words: 158
Location: Buffalo, NY

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