These past few months have forced me to consider the multiple directions my life and future can go. I felt so stuck in Buffalo because all of my attempts to create a better life for myself didn’t seem to change my situation. If you recall, I applied to grad school in Baltimore to get my MFA in graphic design and was accepted as an alternate and placed on a waiting list in case someone declined their offer. As the months have gone by I’ve accepted the fact that I wouldn’t get called to go this year. It hurt to admit that fact to myself, but it gave me the realization that I have another 1/2 a year to improve upon my portfolio and apply again. I poured a lot of energy into a hope that I could start a new life. Maybe all along I’ve just been seeking a means of escape from the limits and boundaries that this city seemed to always place in front of me at every turn?

MICA might not be an option this year, but that doesn’t mean that I’m out of ammo yet. Some of you know that I’ve been working as a graphic designer and illustrator for the “do it yourself” music community here in Buffalo for over 2 years. In that time I’ve designed hand-drawn flyers for punk shows, T-shirts, album art, stickers, posters, and more. (I might’ve posted all that information before and I apologize if I sound like a broken record, but I’m trying to hammer in the fact that I DO have experience.) I’ve learned that even with dedicating blood, sweat, and ink into being a graphic designer and taking a lot of initiative at working hard, it’s still next-to-impossible to land a graphic designer position or career in Buffalo. The latest job prospect that didn’t work out? An entry-level administrative assistant position at an ad agency. Basically a job I had over 2½ years of experience while working as a volunteer at the Book Arts Center. I really couldn’t tell you how dedicating years of free labor to a nonprofit organization while working as a freelance graphic designer didn’t make me a perfect candidate, but I digress. That endless frustration led to a lot of internal contempt and envy for my friends around me and their own successes. The comparison of my continued struggles to just get to a normal life where I could stand on my own two feet against my peers who were enjoying promotions, getting engaged, landing jobs, getting accepted into grad school, buying houses, having exposure in the press, and having solo shows at galleries (amongst other things) was slowly killing my sense of self-worth. I was destroying myself from the inside. Instead of letting that hurt and pain build up any further I decided to launch my Plan B.

For a long time I‘ve thought about crowdfunding so that I could turn my freelance jam into an actual small business. What held me back for a long time was shame about asking for help. Maybe it sounds odd to people, but I’ve always had a hard time asking help from anyone. A lot of it ties into low self-esteem and from my time in which I was homeless and felt like a burden on others around me. I’ve gotten a lot better since then, but still I question how others would judge me given my circumstances. Now with MICA no longer an option this year and my repeated attempts at finding a real job I could live off of frustrating me to no end, I decided to take matters into my own hands. I bit the bullet and launched an Indiegogo campaign.

Why did I turn to crowdfunding? Sure I have a portfolio of over 2 years’ worth of work for musicians, but all that work has been made with dwindling resources and whatever has been in arm’s reach. You see, before I moved into my apartment last July, I had been homeless for almost 6½ years. That means that for the majority of these past 2+ years making art I had no permanent address or stable living arrangement. I made an impact in the DIY community with my work, but I’ve been facing a huge obstacle on how to turn my passion into something I could make a living off of without the actual resources to make it happen. I don’t have the means to purchase T-shirts to screen-print, the parts and machine to make buttons, pens and sketchpads to illustrate with, or even a working printer to make more flyers. I figured if I asked people to help me obtain these necessary tools and offered my own art in return that people would jump on this opportunity. The results, however, have not been what I hoped for.

My goal is a pretty modest $15,000 to start my business out on the right footing and on a (relatively) equal playing-field as my peers. If a guy could raise over $50,000 to purchase the ingredients to make potato salad then why wouldn’t people turn down a chance to help a formerly homeless graphic designer start a small business? I mean, I’m not asking for a handout to pay off my debt. I literally have a business plan in mind so that I could be financially independent. The public loves go-getters who pull themselves up by their bootstraps, right? I have a little over a week left (my campaign ends on July 13th), but so far I’ve only been able to raise $265. In my perspective that’s a lot of money, and all of my donors have been friends that love and care about me. They believe in me and what I’m trying to accomplish, and that means the absolute world.

I just honestly don’t know how else I can get other people to take it seriously. Even by promoting it on Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram nonstop, I can’t quite get people to bite. If I had extra anything I wouldn’t need to ask for help, but what a lot of people don’t realize (or maybe they willfully ignore) is that this has been the first time in forever in which I wasn’t hanging on for dear life by my fingertips as circumstances beyond my control dragged me through the fires of hell. The fires have subsided significantly for the most part and I finally have the mindset and found the courage to dictate how I want my life to go, but I’m just starting to get used to living a life where everything wasn’t so bleak and on the brink of despair. Trying to walk again without the weight of the world on my shoulders has been a new learning experience. I’ve already proven that I’m willing to work hard to live a “normal” life like everyone else and that I’m not looking for a quick fix for all my problems. I guess my biggest frustration is getting others to realize that too. The one thing I’ve learned from the DIY community is that we all work together to help others in need. I just hope that somehow I can convince others that ultimately this is what I’m also trying to do.

If you’re actually interested in my campaign or more of my story, please feel free to check out my fundraising page on Indiegogo. I have T-shirts, stickers, zines, and more available at different reward levels, and all proceeds go towards starting my freelance business and eventual online store. If nothing else if you could share my link (igg.me/at/steveardo) to anyone who’d may be interested in supporting small businesses, DIY culture, formerly homeless entrepreneurs, and/or LGBTQ artists that would help out a lot too. Even if I fail miserably at reaching my goal amount, I will still continue making my art. I fought so hard to survive in this world that I have no intentions of ever giving up.