I am normally very good about keeping my email Inbox free of spam, but for the last couple of days I have had NO incoming email. We are talking zip, zero, nada. The actual equation in the most base mathematical format is as follows:

Total incoming email for me = the derivative of a constant

Normally I am good for a couple of emalis promising to make my manhood larger or introducing me to the newest work at home opportunity that guarantees me a six figure plus income stuffing envelopes, but the current Inbox atmosphere leads me to believe that something else might be amiss.

I checked my email account settings and saw no problems. Tested the network settings and everything came out, in the words of the prophet David Byrne, 'same as it ever was'.

So what's the problem?

I suspect my email Inbox has been hijacked by jack-booted thugs who like to break wind on purpose. Real nasty, foul, and biohazard level wind, at that. You know the type. Those people who slam down four to six pickled eggs before heading home after a long night of drinking Genny Cream Ale Pounders, or worse yet, draft pints! These cowards are not the typical comedic 'pull my finger' types. These scum really want you to become an inhaler of their foul flatus. They break wind as a status symbol, and they have no respect for common decency or any sense of restraint.

These smelly upstarts figger (sic) that if they can pollute one's Inbox with their frequent methaneous anal discharges that they can take over your entire cosmos, which is in fact the opposite of the truth.

Damn you, Inbox farter! Although I do not like spam I do rely at times upon it to keep me company, so please break your disgusting and polluting wind elsewhere.

Kind Regards,

Shakey