Well I think I'll be joining the myspace community soon. This online journal stuff is just so addictive. Anyhow I got that job at Hot Topic. I may be selling my soul but eh I make $$, get a scholarship, and a reeeeeally sweet discount for my family and I (which will really be put to use when my younger siblings do their school clothes shopping for the fall.) I started training Friday and will have my first work day this coming Friday.
I also passed math and did well in all my classes. I have a 3.5ish which I am really hoping to boost to around a 3.7 or 3.8. 3 studios next semester but it should be fun.
Also, two major guy mishaps within a 72 hour period. I usually do pretty badly in that area but this is a record for me. Amazing that I can get myself into such horrible situations even though I don't put out. Anyhow first mishap is completely over and eh if I see the guy again it doesn't really matter. Second mishap I really didn't do anything wrong. I still like the guy, and I'm still trying to decide what to do with him. Right now I could strangle him but I think I'll wait to hear his side of the story first. Then I'll strangle him. I guess I didn't know what I was getting myself into with him. If he can handle the situation, though, I think he deserves a chance. Grr enough of that I guess.
I was finally able to download Limewire now that I'm back home. It must have been more than 2 years since I've had a downloading program. I do kind of feel guilty about it but I don't use it much- and when I do I usually end up buying the cd/record anyway. I think downloading programs are only really a threat to bad musicians. I mean, if I liked top 40 radio, I'd definitely download the music rather than buy it because the music is really not worth what it is priced.
I think the last cd I bought was Murder City Devils' "Empty Bottles, Broken Hearts" . It was $11 or $12 and definitely well worth it. I first heard of the band when I was 12 or 13, and started downloading their music shortly after. I lost track of them during my street punk/oi phase, but got back into them a few years ago. I remembered how much they had intrigued me, so when I was old enough to work and actually had some pocket $$ and therefore could seriously expand my music collection, Murder City was definitely high on my list. So by downloading their music I wasn't ripping off the band, but rather becoming a fan who was/is willing to shell out $ for their music and merchandise.
I guess what it comes down to is that you can't produce something weak and generic and then expect people to pay a lot for it when they can get it for free. It makes more sense to make decent music, sell records for a reasonable price, and develop a loyal fan base. That way people will want to buy the music, and possibly even want to come to concerts and buy merchandise. It's kind of like just being honest and reasonable.
I know this isn't really a problem with the music I listen to but if I am one of the unfortunate few who gets into legal trouble for downloading I will not be very happy. Unlikely, of course, but damn if that happens I'd be especially mad because I'm somewhat of a scrupulous downloader. Wow that was along rant- but it's been on my mind since I downloaded Limewire. Maybe I can rest easier with that off of my chest.
So I'm going to try to visit some of my high school teachers this week- should be interesting. I'll save that for another post though.

I really need to study for a math exam right now so of course I'm scanning and posting pictures that have no relevance to what I've been talking about in my journal thus far.
This is a mural my friends and I painted in our old high school (West Seneca West Senior- my condolences to former and present students). This was our last project for AP art- it took us about a month to finish. I'm not really sure where the idea came from but its basically a big scary dragon trying to eat a parade float dragon which is being held down by baby skeletons. I'm still not sure what the point was but hey it looks pretty cool. I painted the parade float dragon and skeletons, Brittany painted the dragon, and Ryan did the sky, grass, and I think the rock too.

















Ok now its really time for me to study!!!!!!!

In celebration of my figuring out how to post pictures on here, as well a figuring out how to use my scanner, here's some skeletons.



I am presently listening to Demented Are Go. I am very impressed- I highly recommend checking them out. These journal things are addictive. I think I should stop for now.

Ok I think I figured how to resize this. This is me before my spetum piercing, when I just had my nostril done.
Yay it worked. As soon as I have pictures of my septum piercing I'll post those. You know if you submit pictures of you modifications to bmezine.com you can get a free temporary membership which gives you access to certain parts of the site that aren't open to the public. So that's what I'm doing once I get pictures.

My septum's still swollen. It should be back to normal by now but I guess having a cold/sinus infection or whatever this is will slow down healing. Anyhow the swelling has gone down enough so that the jewelry doesn't look crooked anymore. Perhaps I won't have to tape it to my face to train it into the right spot.
Grrrrrrrr I'm missing Dead to Fall right now. I missed them in September when they were with the A.K.A.'s, who I also have yet to see. My friends went to that show, and apparently it wasn't that great. This show at Broadway Joes, which is a very small venue, so I think it is probably an excellent show because there's really no opportunity for everyone to be wallflowers (which I guess is what happened at the last show- no one really moved or anything). And yes I did miss the Explosion Tuesday, and Haste the Day for that matter. Again, too too sick, and I had an overwhelming amount of school work- which is almost all done now!!! I do have Reverend Horton Heat to look forward to on Wednesday. I have tickets and a ride so I'll be damned if I don't make it. Seriously though,they have one of the best live shows I've ever seen. Interesting crowd, very few kids, good opening bands, and a two hour RHH set. It just doesn't get any better than that.
Ok back on topic. I was considering exactly why people get modified. I know there are several reasons; beauty, to remember a certain time in your life, to take control of your body, to do something fun/dangerous, or to reach a higher state of being. I know there are probably other reasons but that's what I have for now. Anyhow, it's this last reason that kind of scares me. Well, maybe not scares me, but at least raises a few questions.
Now, although I only have a few piercings, I have experienced the adrenaline rush that comes with some modifications. It made the experience really fun, and also relatively painless. I wish it had kicked in for my last piercing- for some reason it only kicked in afterwards so the actual piercing was much more painful than it had to be! When I got my nostril and ears done, I barely felt any pain. I felt totally psyched for the rest of the night. I felt the way I do when I see a really awesome concert, or when I'm making some sort of art work that's turning out really well, or when I get a really good idea for an art work or essay, or when I get to do something nice for someone (yes I do get really excited about stuff like this- again, shut up). So, when I get pierced, I can't wait to go and do it again. Seeing as I have a moderate cash flow now, I'll probably be able to get pierced again once this one heals- and the more I think about it the more I like this idea. Even thinking about it now makes me really excited to do it- I really can't wait til my septum's healed.
Anyhow, about this higher state of being- it could be the adrenaline rush. It's like a natural high, so I'm cool with it. I won't get modifications solely for this reason. It's just sort of like a perk. The higher state of being could also be the feeling of really being one with your body, realizing the potential your body and life have, and exploring primitive cultural practices (some of which I believe are much more advanced and sensible than modern cultural practices).
Now that I'm really thinking this out I don't think I really have a problem with it. I was sort of considering the possibility that some people might seek modifications in order to fill a void in their life. Not that I'm singling out modifications as evidence of someone having a void in their life, though. I think that everyone has the desire to reach a higher state of being. Religion usually fulfills this desire. I guess it's really a desire to extend beyond your body and the physical world. It might be a part of realizing your own mortality, and knowing that there has to be more than what you see and touch.
I guess I was considering that some people get modifications with the intention of getting rid of the void in their life and maybe also as a way to fulfill themselves without committing to a religion. Not that there would be anything wrong with doing so, but, again, I don't think that's what I want to do. So that issue is pretty much covered for me. Maybe I should just consider why I want to get modified, not why other people do. I was really concerned about the kind of culture I would be committing myself to if I were to get permanent modifications, but I guess that having tattoos doesn't necessarily make you part of the culture. I know I will very carefully consider any modification I get- permanent or not- so I don't really have to worry about doing something stupid.
I was also thinking that I might not like whatever tattoos I get once I start to get older. I have to consider though that I am a rather strange person. I don't know if I'd qualify as eccentric, but I do have a very odd way of looking at the world. So even if I do end up being a soccer mom or what not, I'll still be me. I still have more to consider about this topic, but now I'm not nearly as confused as I was when I started this.



and here's a pic of Reverend Horton Heat

Ok that's it for the updates- that's everything that I had to yet to post. I think I'll keep this going after the end of the semester- I like what I've come up with so far. I also like how I've dedicated most of this journal to one topic. Really beats having an actual physical journal- those things aren't very good for reference if you can't read your own hand writing! I have all of my thoughts layed out now so it's much easier to consider everything I've thought about while trying to make this decision. That's it for now!

4/12/05

I had a discussion with Sarah the other day about body modification. I came up with another concern- is it too much like worshipping the body? Is giving too much importance to the body? Is it a sign of existentialism? I know body modification today is derived from the practices of primitive cultures. What kind of belief systems were present in these cultures? and are the modifications a product of these belief systems? I think it's going to take me awhile to answer these questions.
    Earlier I mentioned that my inspiration for this blog was seeing younger kids with modifications. That really irritates me. I think the rule of thumb for that should be 'wait til you're 18'. Otherwise, you just look stupid. I mean, if it's obvious that mom and dad took you to get pierced or tattooed, you're going to look ridiculous. I think it's also worth noting that most younger kids that have piercings are irritating anyway. Like at the Fear Before the March of Flames show, there were a lot of loud, disrespectful kids that really didn't know how to behave properly- and most of them were pierced. It was the same story at the Leftover Crack show back in September; lots of stupid young kids with piercings. The stupidity of the kids could be unrelated to the piercings, but then again the piercings could be evidence that their parents will let them do whatever they want and consequently the kids are spoiled brats who don't know how to properly conduct themselves in public. If I ever have kids, they have to wait until their 18 to get pierced or tattooed. I think by that age they'll be grown up enough to make the right decision about body modification. I guess in that case the right decision is whatever is best for the individual. I would want my kids to think very carefully about any modifications they want. If I end up a pierced and tattooed mom and my kids complain that I'm telling them to do as I say, not as I do, I'll be able to point out that i had to wait until I was 18 to get pierced and tattooed. Ok I think that's it for now. I still have a lot to think over with this topic. I think I'll take a break from this for awhile- still need to do a lot of research regarding the questions I raised in this entry. If I find any answers I'll post them!

4/3/05

Breather Resist last night! That was a lot of fun. The singer from Coliseum was being an asshole though. I think I heard enough macho posturing from him to last me quite awhile. Jessie actually walked out of the venue during their set when the singer went on his rant about the pope and his "fake fucking heaven"- that guy really had class! Anyhow I was glad Jessie wasn't too upset. She just didn't want to stay and watch that guy's band. Understandable- neither did I.
    Back on topic. I had the tattoo issue partially resolved when I started looking into other forms of body modification. The site bmezine.com (can I link this?) has been my main source for information. I have most of the moral questions about tattoos figured out for myself, but now I'm really not sure about the culture itself. Like I said before, I respect it, but I'm not sure if it's the place for me. I think there is a definite line between modification and mutilation, but doubt the body modification community feels the same way. Some of the modifications people have and the rituals they perform seem a little too out there for me. I think it's really cool that these people are so comfortable with their own bodies, and realize the potential that their bodies have. Most importantly though, they understand that their bodies are their own- and I don't think I can describe how respectable and awesome and right that is.
    I just don't think I want to amputate any of my body parts or have my lips and/or eyes sewn shut or be suspended from hooks or anything like that. I do think it's really cool, but I don't think I want to do that to my body. Basically, the issue I have now is that if I do get permanent modifications, will I become part of this culture. Not that that would be a bad thing, but I'm not sure if it's what I want. Also, if I start getting permanent modifications now, will I end up wanting to amputate my body parts? I really don't want to get into that. I really cherish my body, and want to keep it intact.
    The view I'm hoping to stick with is that my body is my temple, and I can decorate it if I want to. I just won't do anything too painful or damaging. But again, where do I draw that line? I'm already starting to drift from that. I always thought scarifications were kind of unattractive, but now that I've seen some that were really nicely done, I kind of like them. I wouldn't want to be branded or have little bits of flesh peeled off of me, but I think scarification is really beautiful. I'm sort of afraid that I will become really comfortable with all types of body modification. Not that I'm against any of it, but I don't know if I want to get to the point where I'd want any of it done to me. I saw a skin removal scarification on the bme site- it was so beautiful! This guy had some type of plant and flower designs on his chest and stomach. I was so surprised at how well it was done and how beautiful it was. This is quite a change for me. I used to squirm when I saw any picture of this type of modification.
All righty that's it for now.

    3/25/05

Sorry for the lack of updates. Major guy problems (grrrrrrr...) And a sweet trip to Toronto over spring break!!! Unfortunately that doesn't really fit with my theme so I'll have to write about that some other time.
    Anyhow, after having all of those tattoo ideas, and narrowing it down to a few that I wanted, I began to realize that a lot of what I wanted done was probably not going to grow well with me. I would probably start to hate it, and would not only dislike the images, but also would not want to remember that time in my life. It was towards the end of my senior year (high school) that I started to realize this. Now, things are going a lot better and I really would like to remember this time in my life. However, I still sort of feel that if I were to get tattooed now, I wouldn't like it when I was older.
     I have a strong suspicion that I will go back to Christianity some time in the near future. So when I'm a middle aged Christian woman, I'm not sure I'll want to covered in tattoos of skeletons and gory zombie heads. Although maybe if I were to be, that would just be evidence that Christians come from all walks of life. I might get into a discussion later about my attitude towards Christianity. I'll just say that I've seen it completely turn my family's life around. We were headed down the wrong path since day one and it all got fixed in just a few years- I attribute that to my mom's faith.
    Anyhow, I've resolved that issue. This may sound strange, but here's what I've come up with: I will only get tattoos depicting objects/creatures that I wouldn't mind actually touching my body. For example, I would only get a tattoo of fruit bats if I didn't mind if actual fruit bats were to touch me (which i definitely wouldn't mind- I'd really like to be able to get to see and touch one some day- they're so cute a fuzzy!) Or if I were to get snap dragons (my favorite flowers) tattooed on me, I would only do so if I wanted actual snap dragons to touch my skin (again, I wouldn't mind- when I was younger my mom would by snap dragons every spring and I'd help her plant them so I'm definitely cool with them touching me). I know it sounds strange but I think that's the best way to go. For awhile I thought that would prevent me from getting the skeleton tattoos I've wanted since I was 14, but, come to think of it, I'd be pretty happy if I got to touch an actual skeleton (minus rotting flesh bits if possible).
    After that was resolved, I had yet another moral problem- was it against my sometime-to-be-taken-up-again religion? In the bible, I'm not sure where though, it says that you shall not make marks upon your body. However, that's in reference to ancestor worship. When someone died, they would be cremated. The family or tribe of the deceased would make cuts upon their own skin, and rub the ashes of the deceased into their wounds. I imagine it was to have a part of the person stay with them, and maybe to get some of their life force. I can see why this would be bad, because it's having idols before God. I'm pretty sure it's not in reference to tattoos, but perhaps this needs further research.
    My mom told me about another passage in the bible that relates to body modification. Again, I'm not sure where it is but I can find that out. It's about Jesus making you his bride and taking responsibility for you and making a new life for you and what not. In the passage it says he will put a ring of gold in your nose.
     I take that to mean that although piercings may not be holy, they are (and were back in biblical times) a mark of purity and beauty. It seems kind of like a completely unsleazy way of enhancing beauty. This is my own interpretation, of course. I think it's a good point though. I mean, consider the way earrings enhance someone's appearance. It may not be something very noticeable unless you really look at it- but it can make quite a difference. I'm not really sure why it is, but earrings can really make people look a lot more attractive. Not all people can pull it off, but almost everyone that does wear earrings looks much better with them. It would probably be easier to understand if you observed it- it's a fun experiment!
Anyhow that's it for this installment.

Enjoy!

3/5/05

All right I remember some of my other tattoo ideas. I wanted a little black heart on each wrist (which I might end up doing), some kind of carnivorous dinosaur (shut up...), classic Hollywood monsters (Dracula, Wolfman, Frankenstein, etc.), a coffin (two, actually, as part of a chest piece), a cupcake (not sure why I wanted that- I don't even really like cupcakes), strawberries or cherries or some other interesting-looking fruit, a pirate (again, don't know why), a pirate skeleton (which is still a pretty sweet idea), a labyrinth and Minotaur and Theseus and ships with black sails (from the Greek myth- I'm sure you're familiar with it- my name derives from Ariadne, Theseus' lover), a little red cross (like the Red Cross symbol- my dad found the name Ariana in a book series he was very fond of- the character Ariana was a nurse-or maybe some kind of healer seeing as it was set in the dark ages), a bird of prey, a forest full of scary looking trees, Felix the Cat (I still love Felix- when I was younger I had a copy of a Felix movie- he saved a princess whose name was Oriana), Jack Skellington (again, shut up, everyone goes through that phase), the Cryptkeeper (I had a Cryptkeeper doll when I was younger- yes, I was a very weird kid), and a bunch of severed zombie heads (sweet idea- might still do that). That's all I can remember for now. Damn, that was one really, really long run on sentence. It took up 17 lines! Ok I think that's it for today.