Modern Marvels on the History Channel is one of my favorite TV shows. I seldom sit down to watch it deliberately, but sometimes it's nice to affirm that there's something on the tube these days besides American Idol.

Tonight's episode, which focused on cans and canning, introduced me to a company called Edlund, and a great mechanical beast known as the 825A Can Opening System. This is the most awesome can opener I've ever heard of. It opens, dumps, cleans, and crushes 30 cans per minute

Now I know why the old southern lunch ladies at my high school always looked so chipper. They never had to break a sweat, because all their cans were opened for them. In fact, this thing reminds me of a scene in the movie Super Size Me, that features a cafeteria worker brandishing a box cutter. She proclaims it to be their most common tool of the trade.

Soylent Green, anyone?