saying its been a while since I've been around is both understatement and cliche, so i won't say it...again...

its funny, reading back at what i wrote when i first became aware of this site. I've never kept a journal before...

a reprieve...

long delayed trains and heated people
sI'mmering, onward to freezing places.
I can't help but to see whats here
and whats not.

as everything moves and the planet spins,
familiar faces fog afresh in my mind.
i'll never know if what im doing is right
until I've done it.
how do you all do it?

confidence builds through repeated comfort.
change makes me uncomfortable.
this is what I've been lead to believe
true or not? we shall finally see...
~~

so Bob is leaving for Arizona come the end of May, and I lose another of my brethren. Some heartfelt exchanges have already taken place, and he just told me he's leaving four days ago. if it's not one roomie it's another. the man is the oldest friend I have. As much as it makes me sad that he's leaving, and the 'heartfelt exchanges' a welcome break from my normally very guarded everyday interpersonal exchanges, his exit proclamation has made me reexamine what the fuck I'm doing here. I'm not happy working for the family business. I feel unsuccessful. The company has no direction, and I have no ambition to lead a plumbing company into a new era. The problem lies in the fact that I don't have any clear idea of what I do want to do. There are so many things I know I can be good at, but nothing in particular calls to me. I want to write. I want to manage. I want to own. I want to build something from the ground up, but I don't know what I want to build. Looking for inspiration is harder than looking for love. And that's saying something.

Peace