I don't normally talk about my life with very many people. Not in the way that most people might talk about their life. Personally I just don't enjoy going on about the various relationships I am in, was in, or wish to be in, but every now and again the emotional need to write about my life publicly is overwhelming.

Take this blog post, from a little over a year ago, that I put on the myspace blog that I had.

Alone - November 20, 2005

Recently I have been struck by how alone I feel. Now to clarify, I do not feel sad - I feel alone. If I were the lone guard in an outpost on the furthest reach of the Great Wall of China, I do not believe I would feel much different. Though I am hardly the first person to feel as I do; I am still alone in my location and have never experienced what it is like to relax in the presence of complete understanding.

Sometimes what I long for most in life is to not require every statement I make to require explanation. I wish to learn to play Go from a person who can discuss its complex nature in the context of the Art of War by Sun Tzu. I wish to walk through the city streets with someone and ask what they see here and be enriched by their perception of now.

Though the Internet allows me to connect to people of similar minds to my own it is not the same as actual human contact, it is little more than a faster correspondence to my lone outpost. The best this correspondence can offer me is when I write something that another understands. They do not feel the need to write at length to elaborate on what I have written because what I have said was all that was required. It is then that I am comforted by the fact that on this Great Wall there are others like myself.

Yet I am still alone, here.

Similarly the emotional need to write about my life has arisen once again. This time I am writing to say that for perhaps the first time in my life I no longer feel as alone as I felt when I wrote the above post. I just spent the last week with a girl who did not require me to explain everything I was talking about; she could hold up her end of the conversation very well. She is perhaps the most delectable girl I have ever been with, and my heart pounds for her (among other things that require blood to pound). Though she had to get back to where she lives in Vancouver, BC, Canada - some 3000 miles away - I have many reasons to hope that with some work this will turn into a great relationship.

Thats all, this was mostly for me, but if you have something to say - go for it.

I have to say that for my liking:

The liberal states of the north are quite burdensome in their taxation and tendency towards socialist practices. To any business person thinking of building himself in those places, keeping a hold of the money you make is becoming increasingly harder with each passing year.

On the other hand the conservative states of the south are becoming quite burdensome in their religious fervor and tendency towards fundamentalist ideals. To any atheist person thinking of living his life generally free of an oppressive regime of people who believe in a white bearded man in the sky, keeping a hold of ones sanity in those places is becoming increasingly harder with each passing year.

For me, an atheist business person, this is just a great chance to apply a bit of socio-economic theory. It seems that once I manage to answer the the question of where I want to live for the rest of my life, I will have inadvertently also answered the questions

How much of my money am I willing to pay to keep my sanity? And How much sanity am I willing to pay to keep my money?

    
The problems inherit in being an insomniac are not as a normal sleeper might expect. One does not get tired or weary. Instead one is spent wondering what to do with their time, and indeed the very idea of time becomes very convoluted and confused. For a normal sleeper it is easy to keep tract of time. For most people yesterday was the time before they slept, the morning is the time immediately after you wake up, mid day is when you âre half way through your day in relation to sleep, and finally evening is the time just before you go to bed. The normal sleeper eats breakfast in the morning, lunch at midday, and dinner in the evening. All according to a normal sleep pattern.
    
This method of understanding time simply does not work for an insomniac who does not follow the sleep pattern of normals, and has therefore fallen out of time with the rest of society. Being such a timeless entity is quite disconcerting for the modern man so the insomniac is forced to recreate a new method of understanding time. This breaks insomniacs into two camps. The literal timekeepers and the subjective timekeepers.

The first of the two, the literal timekeepers, keeps tract of the days in accordance to the actual time. The exact numbers change from person to person but a general idea is as follows: one refers to mornings as 12am-11: 59am, midday as 12pm-5:00pm and evening as 5:01pm-11: 59pm. Yesterday is anytime before 12am and tomorrow anytime after 11:59pm. One who keeps literal time is often at odds with normal sleepers because they prefer the mornings to begin when they wake up, or when the sun rises.

The second of the two, the subjective timekeepers keep tract of the days in accordance to their sleep patterns ignoring all clocks. This is always very different depending on the person. Morning remains the time after one wakes up, midday is never talked about because one never knows what the halfway point is in a period of sleeplessness, and evening is about the point one knows they are going to collapse of exhaustion. Yesterday for these people maybe as far off as two days ago for normal people, or as close as an hour ago. Similarly, tomorrow may not be for a couple of normal days from now.

So if you should ever been confused by someones referral to a few days ago as yesterday or upset by someones dictatorial methods of noting when tomorrow has arrived, remember they may be insomniacs who have fallen out of time...

I am between classes here, and quite like any point in which I have free time - I start to think about strange things. Sitting here on the floor with my laptop I have had the pleasure of overhearing a number of people engaging in some recreational swearing. Listening to them, it occurred to me that English, as a language, hates sex.

If you take some time to think about what you're swearing you'll find that the number of things that you have to say are few if you exclude words having to do with sex. In fact it would all of the following out of your vocabulary: Cunt, Slut, Motherfucker, Cocksucker, most to all usages of the word fuck, Wanker (for the British), Bastard, Bollocks (for the British), Loose, whore, dick, cock, etc.

The sheer number of words that aim to defame someone's character by making reference to their sexual practices and sexual organs leaves one with the sense that sex is supposed to be this evil thing. Now, anyone with an elementary understanding of history might say, "Well duh! The Puritans were English for the love of Dog! And practically every church taught that sex was a necessary evil." It certainly did, but I am sure few of you have taken a look at how these puritanical ideas are still reaching us today through language.

If you believe that sex is a good thing, or at least a neutral thing, then you must ask yourself if you can honestly defame it with your choice of swear words? (You and I will of course continue to use the same swear words, it's not likely that we will be able to do anything about it, but something for you to think on.) Who cares if someone has sex a lot? Why do we think that is a bad thing? Envious Perhaps?

Yet to further push my point, try to think of swear words that have something to do with things other than sex. What have you got left? Words relating to three topics: various types of excrement (shit), praying that other people go to a fiery hole where they will be tortured (damning people to hell), and Angrily shaking your fist at the universe (damning god).

It is little wonder that we stick to the sex swears in English. Shit is a childish topic to speak on, prayer rarely gets you the results you require, and shaking your fist at the universe is... well just stupid, because if you're a theist because God will get you, and if you're an atheist you don't believe anyone is up there listening anyways.