Category: fiction prose
01/23/06 10:56 - 32ºF - ID#22030
The Odd Story Of Bryan Green: Part I
Bryan Green stood sipping his hot chocolate, as the blustery frost bits tapped against the glass of the train station window. It was the kind of half-rain, not-quite sleet, that bounces once before sticking to every surface and freezing solid. The makings of an ice storm that might have sent other cities into a panic, but in Boston it only resulted in a delay in traffic, and train schedules. Bryan's train was two hours late.
The city might not have launched into a panic, but Bryan could feel the rise of anxiety in his stomach with each passing minute. He was running behind again for the millionth time in his life. Perhaps he was cursed, he mused, the world conspired against his best-laid plans, and there was nothing he could do about it. The great weight of futility pushed the air out of his lungs in a sigh, and he nervously rubbed his chin.
He had an appointment at noon on the next day in Buffalo. It would be a very important meeting, the kind that can make or break a man's income for the year, and he was woefully unprepared. With all the end of year work he had not been given enough time to prepare for the meeting, and had nearly forgotten he had to go at all. Now his train was late, and his hot chocolate had gotten cold too as he stood brooding, he tossed it out.
He paced absent-mindedly before coming to a sudden stop, at that moment it occurred to him that he could drive to Buffalo. It was only about a ten-hour drive. Doing the math he realized he could get in his car, and get to the other city with time enough to plan for the meeting. No, he thought, he already had a train ticket, and it was too risky.
"What if..." he spoke aloud, startling himself. He did not finish the statement. The words hung there in the air, and echoed in his mind. What if - a thousand times over he had said those words in fear, and then moved on, deciding to do nothing. He chose not to think of it. Introspection was too harsh for him to bear under the circumstances, and the sound of the arriving train gave him excuse enough to pick up his luggage, and stop thinking.
He held back next to the door to avoid the crowd of people rushing out of the heated station onto the boarding platform. A few people stood behind him for a few seconds thinking there was a line before angrily walking around him. He apologized under his breath, and wondered why things always happened to him.
Standing next to the large glass window, near the door, he could see down the length of the train. Looking towards the end of the train his brooding thoughts were interrupted by the sight of something odd. No, but for a moment he could have sworn he had seen two ancient passenger cars attached to the end of the modern train, yet they clearly could not be there.
He made his way to the train, and quickly boarded without taking the offer of help from the assistant conductor. Once in his seat he was relieved to find he could sit alone; he placed his luggage on the seat next to him to discourage others from trying. Then, unfolding the tray table, he set about his work with earnest. On the train, he no longer felt the grave responsibility of having to travel in a timely manner resting in the pit of his stomach.
At the station in Worcester, more people boarded and took seats in his car. He looked up from his work to watch the people. One at a time they took up the remaining seats in the car until only a woman and her child remained standing next to the seat where he had rested his luggage. He moved it quickly to the overhead before she could ask him to move it.
Preparing for the meeting would be simple enough. He knew what they wanted, how much it would cost, and that his company could give it to them the cheapest. Compiling the information into a sales pitch would only take a few hours, or so he consoled himself. His last pitch had taken five grueling hours, and by the end he had hated everything about it.
The woman was not bad looking, perhaps a few years younger than Bryan. He could not help but notice that she was not wearing a wedding ring. This was because she had conquered their shared armrest, and was tapping a beat with her fingers. It did not bother him too much, he pretended, just another sound on rhythm with the sway of the train. Her child quickly fell asleep in her arms, and before long Bryan was working diligently.
As he ran the numbers and created the presentation on his laptop, his mind began to drift. It usually did this when he worked. He would think about how boring his life was, and how much he hated his job. Then his mind would inevitably drift back to a novel he was reading. He preferred to read about great explorers, and people who sought adventure and new frontiers. Which frontiers mattered very little to him; a barbaric land, a new planet, the wild west, all just as exciting to discover as the next. He didn't own a television. When he was not working, he was reading a new novel. That was how he maintained his sanity while wallowing in the series of tragedies that he called his life.
In the past five years of his life nothing had gone the way that he wished. In his work he had become stuck as a traveling salesman, while most of his college classmates have gone on to higher places in the world. The only thing that had gone remotely well for any length of time was a brief period in his love life. He could say that he had met a woman that he had truly loved, though he never did say it.
Lisa was adventurous, quick witted, and funny. Her dream was to travel through the southwest, explore the old towns, and see the Sierra Mountains. He loved to talk about her dream with her, because it was invigorating. To him she was perfect in everyway, and that, Bryan believed, was why it had not work out.
One morning, when he had come out of the bathroom ready to go to work, he had found her standing in the living room with the luggage. She had packed both her bags and his, and had the look of determination in her eyes that he had always loved.
"I can't keep living this way, Bryan," she had said. "The stifling, oppressive routines, and mediocre monotony; it's killing me." She pointed out the living room window at the primly manicured lawns of the housing development where Bryan lived. "The choice is a simple one for me, this is not the type of life I want to live. I am going out west to live my dream. I will not continue to wait for my wishing to come true. I am going to make it come true, and I want you to come with me." Bryan had just stared in wonderment at her strength and bravery, but his appreciation was short lived as he realized what her strength meant for him.
"How could you do this to me?" he had nearly screamed at her hysterically, "I have a job here!" Lisa's answer did not come immediately. She picked up her bags with determination, and made for the door, leaving his in the middle of the room.
"Where are you going?" he pleaded, "Don't leave me here..."
She opened the door, and looked back only once to say, "You hate your job. You hate the life that you're living here. More than anything in the world, I know that you want to go out there and explore. Why do you think you read so many of those novels? I am not leaving you here, Bryan. I packed your bags. You are leaving yourself here." She closed the door with Bryan on his knees. The scent of jasmine was all that she had left him. For weeks afterwards he would turn quickly in the market when he caught her scent of jasmine, but she was never there.
To Bryan it was another potential happiness in his life that was fated to tragedy. What he wished for more than anything in the world was to be brave like her, and that was why it had not worked out. Bravery is not granted to cowards who wish.
to be continued...
Location: Buffalo, NY
01/23/06 08:32 - 34ºF - ID#22029
He wrote the following in responce to my "We Only Have Each Other" Post:
Respect everyone's life and how they want to live it! Oh, and if you believe in God, I am going to do exactly the opposite of what I just proclaimed in statement one.
By what authority do you speak, sir? Is the Government our God?
The argument that you attribute to me in your response is not the argument I set forward in the two paragraphs of my post. I will explain where perhaps my clumsy use of language might has lead you astray. First, your second sentence because it corresponds with what I said first.
You wrote: "Oh, and if you believe in God, I am going to do exactly the opposite of what I just proclaimed in statement one."
My first point is that we only have each other. That is to say that all that there is, at this point, is we humans on planet earth. My second point is that we often use creations like God, Groups, and Government to justify our infringements on each other's right to life. That is, we say things like, "They do not believe in The God, Our God, A God, so we are justified in killing them." "We are in the majority so we can take away the rights of the minority." Things like God, Groups, and Government, have become tools for attacking and justifying the attacks on individual rights. This is usually because there is an inherent belief that individuals are the property of these things. That is, that you belong to God, the group, or the government, and that you should therefore do as they wish. You do not belong to any of those three, individuals belong to themselves. You own you, and only you. My last point in the first paragraph is that taking into account that you own yourself, and realizing that we only have each other here on earth to trade with, and so on, is the foundation of any real social order. That is to say that we need to work from the basic building block of a society to create order, which is the individual, not god, the group, or the government.
Secondly, your first sentence, in which you wrote: "Respect everyone's life and how they want to live it!"
I would like to point out that I did not say what you said above. I said that we should respect each other's right to live our lives. You added on the "and how they want to live it!" The difference between what I said and what you said is vast.
What I said is that we should respect the idea that "you own yourself, and only yourself" as the basis of the social order. What I said is that you cannot justify making slaves of others through God, Groups, or Government, because to do so would presume that the lives of those people belong to something other than themselves.
What you said is that we should respect everyone's life and how they want to live it. This would mean that if someone chose to live their life by making slaves of others, that we would have to say "Oh, but how unfortunate they are a tyrant, we must respect their choice to enslave though." That is not what I am saying. What I am saying is that if you do not respect the idea that a person belongs to themselves, and only themselves. You cannot truly expect others to do the same for you. That is, if you choose to become a tyrant, or a murderer, you should not expect people to extend you the respect of the social order. Why? Because your actions are not in line with the basis of the social order.
Now I would like to address what I believe you see as the implication of my writing. As I am an atheist you might think that I believe that if you believe in God that you should be refused the respect of the social order, or killed. That is not what I am putting forward in my two paragraphs.
If you choose to believe in God, Goblins, or Green Men of Mars, I would not care. I would not agree with you. I would argue that you were absurd. But I would never argue that you should be killed, because that would not respect the basis of the social order, the idea that you own yourself. If you used your belief in God to enslave or otherwise infringe upon others right to the same thing... then, as I said above, you cannot expect the same respect.
Location: Buffalo, NY
01/21/06 10:55 - 29ºF - ID#22028
We Only Have Each Other
Ignoring other individual's right to live their life, by believing that they are a slave for you, God, or Society; is believing that there is ground where there is only air. It is most likely that you will hit the ground one day soon, and as you lay dying by the hands of your former slaves, you will open your willfully ignorant eyes to find that you have actually been falling for some many years. You might ask, "Where have I gone wrong?" The answer is that you have forgotten the simple truth, that we only have each other, and that we only have that much so long as we prudently respect each others lives.
Location: Buffalo, NY
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