Category: dating

07/30/07 02:30 - ID#40312

cindy has a problem

i fear i have dug myself into a hole that im not quite sure how to get out of.

after many many months of being single, and having only a few fligns here and there, it appears i have gained the interest of two gentlemen. now, im not used to all of this attention, and its quite nice, but i don't want to be a huge asshole and end up hurting someone's feelings.

here's the situation. i met this guy, and we hit it off instantly. quite a bit of physical attraction and such. we saw eachtoher a bunch of times, and then it became this huge game of phone tag, and missed meet ups. at first i was thinking, "oh, he's a a huge player, this and that." but, it appears that he is really super busy with work, and some complicated family affairs. so, i kinda wrote him off. and then he keeps calling, and i don't know what to say so i kinda avoid him.

anyway, i end up meeting this other guy, and we go on a few dates. he is pretty handsome and easy going, and funny. a really genuinely nice guy, however, he seems like the type to get serious really fast, and that freaks me out. also, we kissed, and i just didn't feel "the spark". it could be that it will just take a whole to warm up to him, but i don't know. i have actually been with guys who i wasnt initially super hot for, but the connection just needed a bit of time.

now, both guys are asking me "are you into me", and trying to figure out my deal. i don't want to lie, but im pretty sure both would be upset if they knew i was seeing someone else. however, neither is my boyfriend.

so, here is the real question. do i go with the the guy that i have way more attraction to, but don't fuly know what he wants? or, do i go with the safer choice, who i am not sure of? or do i just quit this nonsense full stop?? i have NEVER been in such a predicament with dating, and i don't want to "play" anyone, because that seems really wrong. i don't like letting people down, and i want to make the right choice.

another thing. is it wrong to like one guy more because he has a good job and a nice car and apartment and all of that. he is a bit older than the other, who has just moved back and is staying with his parents like me. argh. im also more attracted to the guy with the bigger ego. its not just the bigger ego, but the fact that he is extremely intelligent and well-read, and seems to have more similar interests as me and the other guy, but i would be taking a chance with him. plus, he can dance, and i find that incredibly sexy. and he is a swell dresser, and the other guy could use some help in that area. plus, the nicer guy doesn't read books, and that really bothers me.

is it ok to continue to see both guys?? i feel like it isn't because i have hooked-up with the one, and the other guy really likes me and seems like he wants to take it further, when i am unsure about the other one. i think they both sense that something is up with me, and i just need to put an end to this situation entirely.

why can't a girl just have two boyfriends????

metalpeter writes at 07:03:42 07/30/07 - Comment #21407: I can't tell you what to do your feelings have to do that. But in terms of having two boyfriends yes you can do that; in fact have 3 if ya want. But, there is a but and that but is if they are open relationships. Basicly you are able to date more then one person at a time but don't forget that means the guys can to. I think the other option is to do the "friends with benefits" thing. Again if you do this you and each guy (seperatly not togather) must be clear that you are friends who also have sex. Of course that means that they can also have friends who they "hook Up" with (I hate how general that term is). What ever you do the key is good comunication. There is nothing wrong with saying when you kissed me I didn't feel that spark and this isn't going to be that kind of realationship right now and then tell him what you are looking for. Of course tone of voice is very important. I have seen to people agree on a topic and they think they are fighting becuase of the tone of voice used. I'm sure you will figure out what you want and then decide. As long as you don't string the guys along then what ever you chose should work out.

jason writes at 04:05:53 07/30/07 - Comment #21403: Cindy,

I think you've already made your choice. You know you don't like the other one enough, who doesn't measure up in numerous areas compared to Mr. Big.

Now, as far as whether or not it is wrong to like one guy more than another for materialistic reasons - if you can handle getting shelved or straight up dumped someday for someone blonder/thinner/better job/younger/whatever, and not call the guy a superficial, selfish cock, then I would think you shouldn't feel bad because you aren't being hypocritical.

If the thought of that makes you a little pissed off, then, well, yeah you're being a hypocrite but if you can live with that, then do whatever floats your boat. I don't want to see you writing on here in three months time complaining about him thinking of you superficially.

You've already hooked up with one, which to me is the real issue. That should tell you what your answer is right away, and you sort of indicated that already. You're not attracted to Mr. Nice Guy, so why not drop the pretense? Don't give the guy false hope. That is one of the cruelest ways to handle it, and I won't even start ranting on how unspeakably wrong I think that is.

So, I think you should drop Mr. Nice Guy altogether, unless you have some kind of revelation where the material stuff doesn't matter, and go for Mr. Big - but if you think he's playing you, don't be afraid to nip it at the bud. There are always more opportunities in the future.

Oh, and don't lie like you're reading books! People, PerezHilton, and the lot are NOT considered real literature! LOL! Sorry, sorry, sorry, just couldn't resist.